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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 7/8/2006 11:35:20 PM
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My FH's family is huge I mean gigantic. His parents have given us a list of aunt's and uncles, many of who live near us and I have never met that we have to invite to the wedding. Alright, I understand that however they had to add my FH's father's cousins on the list, my FH says he hasn't seen some of these people in years. His parents are paying for part of the wedding, around $6000 so that we will not go to Cuba and elope (what we were planning on doing, to the point that we had already talked to a travel agent). So we decided to have a small/medium sized wedding, under 75 people, now thanks to his parents we have around 175 people invited, and we are having to spend so much more money on food, that we can't spend the money on other things we would like, such as nice clothes, flowers stuff like that. They also expect an open bar, are they crazy? My question is what do you all think about us not inviting his dad's cousins, it's around an extra 30 people, that I have not met, and he hasn't seen in years. I've added to my list too, but it's all family members that I have seen since Christmas, they live in BC otherwise I would see them all atleast once a month. What do you think we should do?
June 30, 2007 Is my favorite day
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Group: Forum Members
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To ME, having my family at my wedding is very important. However, I have a smaller family on both sides (as does FH) so we are all fairly close. My parents and FH's parents were given 12 guest spots each to invite people of their choosing. My parents had the attitude that yes they would love their friends to be at the wedding, BUT if they don't know FH or myself, why bother inviting them. Which I agree with. SO I think you should want people seeing you get married that know who you are and who FH is. If FH's parents say, well we are not contributing, I would say okay. That is your choice. But if you don't know them, why would you want them there? You wouldn't invite random people off the street so why these long-lost relatives?
 IGGY
Married May 26, 2007 Rachael arrived July 2nd!!!
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 4/28/2006 1:16:49 PM
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Here's what I suggest...because it sounds like it's really a money issue here.- Add up all the things you REALLY WANT and are important TO YOU for the wedding (dress, flowers, whatever).
- Add up how much everything will cost per guest (including all the guests they want to invite, all the people you want to invite, open bar cost, etc.)
Then tell them that you have XX$ amount of money for the wedding and that in order to do all the things that are important to you AND pay for all the guests they want, open bar, etc. you will either need more $$ or to cut the guest list. They then have the choice to pay more for the things THEY want or to start cutting the guest list accordingly. In my opinion, if the parents are aware of your budget but are DEMANDING things you can't afford, then they should either pay for those things or acknowledge that you are keeping to a budget that includes the things that are important to YOU on YOUR wedding day and suggest ways you can make cuts. Just my $0.2  ~Jenn2006
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 11/27/2006 9:46:24 AM
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| If his side of the family have already given you $6000 --- doesn't that cover the costs of the extra guests anyways? IMO, the $6000 that they gave you is probably due to the fact that they are inviting all of the extra people. So really, I think that they've already done their part...... and I think it's fair. You have to remember that with most weddings, the parents usually do end up inviting people that you or the groom have never met before. It's a huge event in the lives of both the parents and the kids too. My FH's dad is inviting a bunch of co-workers of his that I've never even met before...... but he's also paying for them to come too. Any other additional expenses related to the wedding (flowers, photographer, etc) are coming right out of FH's and my own pockets. The $6000 that they gave you sounds like quite a bit for just an extra 30 or so guests..... I don't really think you have anything to complain about really.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 7/8/2006 11:35:20 PM
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It's not an extra 30 guests though, that's the problem, it's an extra 150 people, because we weren't going to have the wedding. We wanted to elope in Cuba, but they said that they would not be coming to Cuba, and they gave us the money for the wedding (the same amount they gave to their first daughter, and the same amount they promised their youngest daughter. Well, I talked to the FH and he says that we aren't inviting the cousins. His parents are going to be upset, but well if they want the open bar, then they will have to handle our choice. Oh well maybe we can go to Cuba for the honeymoon right?
June 30, 2007 Is my favorite day
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heather972 (4/20/2006)
My FH's family is huge I mean gigantic. His parents have given us a list of aunt's and uncles, many of who live near us and I have never met that we have to invite to the wedding. Alright, I understand that however they had to add my FH's father's cousins on the list, my FH says he hasn't seen some of these people in years. His parents are paying for part of the wedding, around $6000 so that we will not go to Cuba and elope (what we were planning on doing, to the point that we had already talked to a travel agent). So we decided to have a small/medium sized wedding, under 75 people, now thanks to his parents we have around 175 people invited, and we are having to spend so much more money on food, that we can't spend the money on other things we would like, such as nice clothes, flowers stuff like that. They also expect an open bar, are they crazy? My question is what do you all think about us not inviting his dad's cousins, it's around an extra 30 people, that I have not met, and he hasn't seen in years. I've added to my list too, but it's all family members that I have seen since Christmas, they live in BC otherwise I would see them all atleast once a month. What do you think we should do?hmmm first you said the wedding was going to be under 75 and that now it is 175 because of your FH's parents .... so to me, that's an addition 100 ppl they have invited. In reading your post, they way it reads right now.... these 30 or so cousins are included in that 175. The numbers are really insignificant ... what this boils down to is ... YOU AND YOUR FH decided to not have a destination wedding because yur FIL's dangled $6000 cash in front of your nose and you fell for it. You decided to go against what you initially wanted and planned for and I assume, were footing the bill for. Have you ever sat down with your fh and his parents and said ... we decided to have the wedding here (for whatever reason) but we want to keep it small in size. So, you are allowed to invite "x" number of people and my parents are inviting "x" number of ppl and we are also inviting "x" number of ppl. You need to choose your list carefully. As much as we'd love to have everyone involved, funds dont allow for it and we will not go into debt for this wedding." From the sounds of your posts .. this was not done. It was more like his parents handed you their list and said this is who we want to invite. If your meal costs you $100 per plate, then the cost for those 175 people is $17,500, minus their $6000 leaves you with $11,500 in expenses to cover just for the meal. If you cannot afford that, or if your parents are not contributing to that total, then you must ask your inlaws to cut the list down, unless of course, they are willing to pay for their guests, whether you know them or not. It sounds like the $6000 is a set amount to help offset your costs, that they have offered all their children. They have kept it fair and equal for all their children. Did your FH's siblings get any gift of money on their actual wedding day? If so, then I would assume that you too could expect a gift of money on your wedding day and this $6000 was to be used for wedding expenses. So, for this reason, to keep it fair, I doubt they will fork over more money. So, that leaves you with the only option of cutting their guest list down, unless of course, you can swing paying for their guests with that money. Now keep in mind, I arbitrarily chose $100 per plate for your meal. I have no clue what it is costing you .. more or less. So, if you can swing paying for her guests with the money she gave you, then do it. Toss away any hopes of using that cash for your honeymoon. it may not be what you want to hear ... but that's how I see it. You have 2 choices ... ask her to cut the list down to a number you can handle, or suck it up and use the money she gave you to pay for the wedding. Best of luck in sorting this through. Money is always going to be a really touchy issues especially in situations like this with inlaws!
MrsMtobe ~Live and let live ~ Mod Squad Moderator The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.
 Mrs. M and loving it!!!
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Group: Forum Members
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| My parents gave us $7000 and told us, as my goal was always to get married in Cuba, that they would meet us in Cuba, and our immediate family could watch us get married (we thought his parent | | | |