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[b]
Well, yes and no. See, hears the thing...DH agrees with me and is entirely on my side. However, during the actual attack I was a bit a appalled that he did nothing to step in and say something to support not only me but our wedding. Everytime I mention something crule she said exactly he says "I think you're over reacting" or "that wasn't what she said, you're taking it the wrong way".
I told him that is was his job to show some balls and respect and put an end to this. Apparently he says this will excommunicate us from the family because he's chosen me over them. Weird and sad that this has just spiralled out of control into an all or nothing situation. Maybe the whole family needs some therapy! I mean I'm trying to work things out and they're going to kick us out of the family over that then I don't know what to do but its their decision I suppose.
Should DH and I stand up for ourselves and let fam know that we will not tolerate being treated this way or should we should let it slide in order to keep the peace. I don't like the second as I know I will face this the rest of my life and I think they should know how their cruelty affects people.
Another thing...thinking about what SIL said in the light of day it really sounds like a lot of it was fabricated between her and her mother. Just because she said "well the whole family thinks so" does not make it true, right? Exactly! People embellish stories all the time and if doing so bolsters their position/argument, it is that much more likely to have happened. I mean, perhaps if something horrid was being said on behalf of someone that someone should be spoken to if for no other reason than to determine the truth. I know i would want that if such things were being said on my behalf. Seriously, there has to be more to this than just the wedding drama.
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[quote]DeeDee401 (7/10/2008)
Chapter one : The food
I am a vegetarian as a result of my beliefs. I completely accept that this is not everyone's cup of tea, but its my thing and I am STRONGLY against the "needless" killing of animals for glutony. Hey I'm a hippy just roll with it. I felt uncomfortable paying for and serving meat at my wedding. The food we served however was yummy and got completely gobbled up with several friends trying to get the caterer to let them take some home. I was told afterwards by MANY guests how great it was that they thought it was great that I stuck to my guns and how surprized they were that the food was so delish! I felt good. And hey...its just food.
DH's family were apparently OFFENDED that I didn't consider THEIR "beliefs" and serve them at least some chicken. MIL was even crying about it. i should have been more considerate considering they HAD to travel to attend and the entire wedding was ruined in their eyes. Nice to hear, thanks.
quote]I've read all the posts so far and I think that you didn't do anything wrong, but you did show your intolerance to others beliefs with not allowing any chicken or meat to be served. If I invite people over for dinner, I always ask if they have food preferences so I can try to accommodate them and I would expect they would do the same for me. Even if you don't agree with eating animals, then you could have some tolerance for others that do. However, for the family to say that this ruined the wedding is insane. It seems a bit over the top to stop speaking to the entire family over this issue. I understand everyone has family issues, but most times families won't stop speaking over things like this. If you really think his family is that toxic then maybe you should not speak to them, but that will change your life with your FH. You don't want your FH to resent you in the future b/c of an issue like this and that is what can happen.
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Supreme Being Planner
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I've read all the posts so far and I think that you didn't do anything wrong, but you did show your intolerance to others beliefs with not allowing any chicken or meat to be served. If I invite people over for dinner, I always ask if they have food preferences so I can try to accommodate them and I would expect they would do the same for me. Even if you don't agree with eating animals, then you could have some tolerance for others that do. I see your point, but I don't entirely agree with it. Being fed meat is not a right that people are entitled to. What if they'd served something else that people didn't like? Is every bride obligated to meet the dietary desires of her guests? We're not even talking about dietary NEEDS here either. Not allergies, not beliefs. I just find it hard to believe that people are upset about not eating meat for ONE meal. It's not the same as vegetarianism, which is a conscious choice that people make, often for reasons of conscience. And I am not a vegetarian, but I see where that is a belief and I respect that other people feel very strongly about it, and I fully support their rights to make that decision for themselves. However, people who eat meat rarely do it to the exclusion of all other foods, and those who do are likely not very healthy overall. And I've never heard of a case of people eating only meat because they think it's cruel to eat vegetables! lol It's not like she insisted (or even suggested) they become vegetarians. She chose a meal for her wedding that suited her tastes and beliefs. I see nothing wrong with that.
~Sarah and Rob~ Getting married in Ottawa... sometime in 2010... When you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him!
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sarahandrob2010 (7/11/2008)
I've read all the posts so far and I think that you didn't do anything wrong, but you did show your intolerance to others beliefs with not allowing any chicken or meat to be served. If I invite people over for dinner, I always ask if they have food preferences so I can try to accommodate them and I would expect they would do the same for me. Even if you don't agree with eating animals, then you could have some tolerance for others that do. I see your point, but I don't entirely agree with it. Being fed meat is not a right that people are entitled to. What if they'd served something else that people didn't like? Is every bride obligated to meet the dietary desires of her guests? We're not even talking about dietary NEEDS here either. Not allergies, not beliefs. I just find it hard to believe that people are upset about not eating meat for ONE meal. It's not the same as vegetarianism, which is a conscious choice that people make, often for reasons of conscience. And I am not a vegetarian, but I see where that is a belief and I respect that other people feel very strongly about it, and I fully support their rights to make that decision for themselves. However, people who eat meat rarely do it to the exclusion of all other foods, and those who do are likely not very healthy overall. And I've never heard of a case of people eating only meat because they think it's cruel to eat vegetables! lol It's not like she insisted (or even suggested) they become vegetarians. She chose a meal for her wedding that suited her tastes and beliefs. I see nothing wrong with that. SofaQueen (7/11/2008)
[quote] DeeDee401 (7/10/2008)
Chapter one : The food I am a vegetarian as a result of my beliefs. I completely accept that this is not everyone's cup of tea, but its my thing and I am STRONGLY against the "needless" killing of animals for glutony. Hey I'm a hippy just roll with it. I felt uncomfortable paying for and serving meat at my wedding. The food we served however was yummy and got completely gobbled up with several friends trying to get the caterer to let them take some home. I was told afterwards by MANY guests how great it was that they thought it was great that I stuck to my guns and how surprized they were that the food was so delish! I felt good. And hey...its just food. DH's family were apparently OFFENDED that I didn't consider THEIR "beliefs" and serve them at least some chicken. MIL was even crying about it. i should have been more considerate considering they HAD to travel to attend and the entire wedding was ruined in their eyes. Nice to hear, thanks. quote] I've read all the posts so far and I think that you didn't do anything wrong, but you did show your intolerance to others beliefs with not allowing any chicken or meat to be served. If I invite people over for dinner, I always ask if they have food preferences so I can try to accommodate them and I would expect they would do the same for me. Even if you don't agree with eating animals, then you could have some tolerance for others that do. However, for the family to say that this ruined the wedding is insane. It seems a bit over the top to stop speaking to the entire family over this issue. I understand everyone has family issues, but most times families won't stop speaking over things like this. If you really think his family is that toxic then maybe you should not speak to them, but that will change your life with your FH. You don't want your FH to resent you in the future b/c of an issue like this and that is what can happen. If you read my paragraph highlighted in green, I said "However, for the family to say that this ruined the wedding is insane." Please don't take quotes out of context.
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Supreme Being Planner
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If you read my paragraph highlighted in green, I said "However, for the family to say that this ruined the wedding is insane." Please don't take quotes out of context. I did see that part and I agree with it. I'm sorry that I left that part out. My point was to highlight that you were saying she didn't consider people's "beliefs" by not serving meat, and IMO, being a carnivore is not a "belief" the same way vegetarianism is. That's all 
~Sarah and Rob~ Getting married in Ottawa... sometime in 2010... When you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him!
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