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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 5:40:26 PM
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i know EXACTLY what you mean! i have even had people say to me "oh you're just not having them because you've said for so long you wouldn't so you don't want to look stupid when you do"...and they're kind of right! how ***ing embarassing woud it be to show up at a family function preggers and then have to sit there through excrutiating hours of "i told you so" and have no ***ing defence?! it sends shivers down my spine...brrrrrrrr
but in a way it's everyone elses fault! where do they get off asking me if i'm having kids in the first place?! i swear to god i'm going to start telling people i'm incapable of concieving - they'll feel bad for getting up in my business and then if i ever change my mind they'll think i'm having a miracle child! 
Couldn't have said it better myself… I really thought I was alone in that same feeling - I hate going back on my own word.
It really is true what you have said about people asking, it truly puts me in a blind rage that people feel that they have the right to intrude on such a personal topic. It infuriates me even when his family asks about our sex life. How dare you!!! People seem to think that just because most everyone has kids right after marriage that we should too. Maybe it is because some of these women had a family back in the 'old' days when it was possible to have a nice living on one income and stay home barefoot and pregnant year after year… ggaah!!
Stepping down from the soapbox now.
Just call me Mrs. V
*~Tied the knot on August 2nd, 2008~*
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 4:01:05 PM
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Personally, I feel that if and when a person knows that he or she wants to become a parent, he or she should trust this feeling. If someone is not ready, perhaps it's best to let it be and try to ignore other people's demands/questions/nagging. I know it's easier said than done, but having children is a major decision that should not be taken light or as something that we 'ought' to do. I think it's great that you're thinking about this and considering the options you have, as well as how your potential choice might affect your personal life and your marriage. These are very important questions that show that whatever decision you make will be a wise decision, because you will have taken the time to consider the possibilities. Do what feels right for you at this time, not what might feel right two years from now. The present moment is more important.
~*~*~Married on July 22, 2006~*~*~Our sweet pea joins us on or around July 1, 2009~*~*~
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Group: Forum Members
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MLD!!!! holy *** hun! Where have you been hiding!!
Dh and I keep going back and forth... it will happen when it happens... but if it's bothering you, talk to your dh...
Jules 
Sparkules to make an appearance June 18.09
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 12/31/2008 3:37:19 PM
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Good morning ladies. Today DH and I will have some time to sit down and really talk about things. I will let you know how that goes.
madmouse, I totally agree. It really bothers me when ppl ask when DH and I are going to have kids. Like it's not a matter of IF, just WHEN. It always starts with me saying we haven't decided if we want them, and them saying "Oh, you will." Really gets my blood pressure up. Kids are expensive, and the biggest responsibility you will ever have in your life, so how can someone else POSSIBLY know that you want to do that?? I can't believe your DH's family asks about your sex life??!! You should come up with some really raunchy answers...maybe they will stop asking.
Thanks for your post kat33...I agree with you that more people really need to think about their decisions to become parents before they do it. And not just about what it will be like to have a baby, but what it will be like to be a family instead of just a couple, and what it will be like as the kid gets older since it won't be a baby forever! There is just so much to consider.
JULES! I haven't been on much (until this week of course!) and it is great to be back! No kids for you yet eh? It seems like a lot of the "B's" have kids already! LOL...I don't feel like I have been gone for THAT long! I know what you mean about going back and forth, what an important decision to make! I hope you and your hubby are doing well!
MLD *Engaged: Sept. 23, 2005*Married:June 9, 2007* I love my HUSBAND!
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 12/31/2008 3:37:19 PM
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Ok, so DH and I had a looooooooooong talk today and I am feeling much better. It seems we are both on the same page about everything! He feels the same as I do....unsure if kids are right for us, maybe later but not now, etc. Turns out that both of us have the same biggest concern as well - money. We both really want out debts paid off, a second vehicle, and to buy a house before thinking about a baby. Also, I think about going back to work after the baby, and am not sure if I can handle working full time and being a mom, and he said if we can afford it he would prefer to see me stay home longer or work part time! I totally agree!
I told him that I need to feel like I know what we are working towards, and asked him if he saw our future with kids or without. He said that if he thinks of us NOT having kids, he is concerned we will regret it once we are in our late 40's/50's. He said he really enjoys it being just the 2 of us right now, but down the road but wonders if one day we will feel the need to have a "new addition". I feel the same way!
So we have decided that we are working towards having kids, but in a couple years once we have taken care of the other financial things first. But it's not high pressure or anything, we are leaving ourselves open to change our minds if we reach that time and kids do not feel right, and we are also not telling any friends or family that we have made this "tentative" decision because we don't want any questioning/pressure from them once we reach our so called "deadline".
I am really happy that DH and I had this talk and both see eye to eye on everything. We even went out and bought "The Mother of All Pregnancy Books" because it's Canadian and looks like it contains a lot of good info. I need to research A LOT before I do things, and getting pregnant would be no exception. I can use these next couple years to do as much research on the subject as I can so I feel totally prepared if/when we decide to do it. By then I will be 30 and I think for me and DH that will be the perfect age.
Thank you ladies SO much for all of your posts. It has been so comforting knowing that there are others out there going through the same thoughts and feelings that I am. Now I will spend the next 2 years lurking in the family planning section! LOL.
MLD *Engaged: Sept. 23, 2005*Married:June 9, 2007* I love my HUSBAND!
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Group: Forum Members
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MLD (8/24/2008)
Ok, so DH and I had a looooooooooong talk today and I am feeling much better. It seems we are both on the same page about everything! He feels the same as I do....unsure if kids are right for us, maybe later but not now, etc. Turns out that both of us have the same biggest concern as well - money. We both really want out debts paid off, a second vehicle, and to buy a house before thinking about a baby. Also, I think about going back to work after the baby, and am not sure if I can handle working full time and being a mom, and he said if we can afford it he would prefer to see me stay home longer or work part time! I totally agree!
I told him that I need to feel like I know what we are working towards, and asked him if he saw our future with kids or without. He said that if he thinks of us NOT having kids, he is concerned we will regret it once we are in our late 40's/50's. He said he really enjoys it being just the 2 of us right now, but down the road but wonders if one day we will feel the need to have a "new addition". I feel the same way!
So we have decided that we are working towards having kids, but in a couple years once we have taken care of the other financial things first. But it's not high pressure or anything, we are leaving ourselves open to change our minds if we reach that time and kids do not feel right, and we are also not telling any friends or family that we have made this "tentative" decision because we don't want any questioning/pressure from them once we reach our so called "deadline".
I am really happy that DH and I had this talk and both see eye to eye on everything. We even went out and bought "The Mother of All Pregnancy Books" because it's Canadian and looks like it contains a lot of good info. I need to research A LOT before I do things, and getting pregnant would be no exception. I can use these next couple years to do as much research on the subject as I can so I feel totally prepared if/when we decide to do it. By then I will be 30 and I think for me and DH that will be the perfect age.
Thank you ladies SO much for all of your posts. It has been so comforting knowing that there are others out there going through the same thoughts and feelings that I am. Now I will spend the next 2 years lurking in the family planning section! LOL.MLD, I'm so happy for you that you were able to really hash things out with your dh and that you are so much on the same page I think you have a great head on your shoulders and for as much as you have been feeling uncertain, it sounds like you are in a really good place with this decision, so that is wonderful! I'm sure it must feel like big weight off your shoulders to have reached a tentative decision and to feel like you have a goal to work toward - I am very much the same way in terms of needing to work towards and plan for something in my life Anyway please do stick around, even if you're not ttc - no need to lurk, come chat with us anytime!
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 Posted 8/24/2008 9:32:46 PM |
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