|
|
|
 
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 10:58:51 PM
Posts: 886,
Visits: 734
|
|
I had no idea which of my friends I wanted to be my MOH. I still don't... I am having such a hard time deciding. I know who would make the best one organizationally/planning wise but that's not the person I am closest to by any means, and I don't even like her THAT much - she's my FH's sister... I tolerate her... like her more than I used to (she was very nasty toward me for years and talked badly about me to a lot of people who will also be at our wedding - family friends, etc.) but she's not my fave person though we've spent a lot of time together lately and chat on MSN almost every day.
My friends are just not reliable people unfortunately. I feel like we're not even that close any more for the most part... we all have our own separate lives. One of my BM's I haven't even seen since early June and we don't even talk on the phone. She occasionally messages me on MSN with a hello and then doesn't really engage me in conversation so our friendship is not very connected these days and to be honest I'm sorry I asked her.
Another of my BM's is so involved in her own life dramas (and she's dealing with a lot) that she's just really self absorbed these days and while my most creative and hands on BM (when applying herself) by far, she is just not loyal enough to be my MOH in my opinion.
Another of my BM's is a friend I talk to daily but she's not someone who can be relied upon to be the "party starter" or someone to deliver a good speech, or pro-actively plan a bachelorette party in advance, etc. etc. etc. - she'd probably leave all the organizing to me, and then I'd end up with my FSIL doing the organizing of the things I can't anyway...
I really want my best friend (BM 3) to be the one to stand beside me and have the title of MOH, but I just know she is not someone I can rely on to execute things properly. I really wish I could ask her to be MOH and then delegate other tasks to the other BM's - but I feel like if I don't give them teh title of MOH they won't be invested enough to want to really pull their weight... it's awful to even think this way about the people who are closest to you.
I moved around a lot growing up over the years, so I don't have like, that one cohesive group of girls that i hung out with where we were all friends from kids through college or anything like that... all my friends know one another but we're all living such separate lives. It's times like this where you either need a sister or that sorority group from college it seems like, in order to really have the whole point of the bridal party really come to light.
I have no idea what to do. I posted something similar about my situation here a few weeks ago and people said to make my FSIL the MOH because she sounded like she was most up to the task (she is most interested next to the BM I wish WAS more organized and proactive so I COULD make her MOH!).
Does it make sense to make my friend the MOH and then delegate bigger tasks like making the speeches and stuff to my other BM's?
And, am I the only bride on the planet to pick all her BM's and ask them all without having chosen MOH yet? How did you decide?
Is your MOH someone who is really invested in helping you plan your wedding and is she good for making speeches etc. or is she just a good friend or someone important to you who you wanted standing beside you in all your photos etc.?
2 B Wed July 10, 2009!
Me (29) + FH (32) + his son (12) = 10 years together in unwedded bliss. 
Done so far:
Booked venue & coordinator, fought with FMIL, made up with FMIL, lost e-ring, found e-ring... only 6.5 mos to go! OMG!
|
|
|
|
|
Loving Planning!
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 9:43:04 PM
Posts: 432,
Visits: 5,423
|
|
hmmm... well first of all I had 2 MOHs because I could not make up my mind... however I got a very rude wake up call when the planning went into full swing and there was so much drama one of my MOHs went so far to tell me that she hated EVERYTHING wedding... she was married the year before and I think that she was a little bitter because she had asked someone that she felt obligated to ask to be her MOH and she did NOTHING..... and made it all about her... my other MOH was great and I love her to pieces we have been friends for over 20 years but she had her own things going on and did not have the time to help me with what I needed... as for my BM do not even get me started 3 of them were my sisters and did NOTHING... (not even kidding) I guess my point is no matter who you ask do not get your hopes up.... your day is never going to be as important to anyone as much as it is to you.... pick people that you want to share your day with because on the day of they all show up... my wedding was special because they were all a part of it.... do not invest to much into what the "roles" of each person should have just enjoy what you get it is alot less stress that way.. you will just have to be good at delegating... good luck and keep us posted
Got hitched May 16th 2008 and it was perfect... :
|
|
|
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 12/14/2008 10:56:18 AM
Posts: 1,543,
Visits: 994
|
|
I too had 2 MOH (no bridesmaids). The reason why I picked them was because all 3 of us have been friends since kindergarten. It was a no brainer for me to pick both (I couldn't just pick one). One of them is completely laid back and carefree and the other one is more conservative and reserved. I honestly didn't pick them based on who is more organized, who would give a speech, who would be a party starter, etc. I truly didn't care about any of that stuff. I simply had to have the most special people in my life around me. Well, surprise, surprise....3 days before my wedding, I had a bridal shower given to me by "both" of them and then during the wedding, they "both" gave speeches and also initiated the "shoe" game. They "both" surprised me with what they did. Keep in mind, I was not expecting any of this. You too may be surprised once your MOH steps up to the plate. As far as picking your FSIL.....big mistake (IMO). If you two really didn't get along, I'm not sure why she would even be an option and to just pick her because she is more organized or a party starter, is a decision you may regret. As far as organization...I did "everything" myself. I didn't need my MOH for anything. As far as parties, I wasn't expecting anything at all and as far as speeches, as I said earlier, they "both" surprised me. Good luck with your decision.
Married The Love Of My Life - September 12, 2008!!!
Now Mrs.K.
|
|
|
|
|
Beginner Planner
Group: Moderators
Last Login: Today @ 10:37:15 PM
Posts: 283,
Visits: 5,420
|
|
| This isnt an easy task for many brides to be... my first wedding - I picked a good friend to be my MOH and all she did was complain about the colours I choose, the dresses I chose, the tuxes I picked out, the flowers... and I canned her... her husband was a BM.. she even had the nerve to give us a used toaster for a wedding gift my second wedding - was easy to choose this time around.. my daughter was my MOH and my son walked me down the aisle.. was very special to me good luck on your decision... just take time to make it!
© Laurie © Forum Moderator
|
|
|
|
|
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 10:58:51 PM
Posts: 886,
Visits: 734
|
|
Thanks ladies... I hear what you're saying but I am still so conflicted... the one I am closest to is the one who complains about having to do anything (sadly). I have seen her be MOH for 2-3 other people and she complained each time about doing it (dress, time, responsibility, speeches, etc.). Truth be told I don't think she really enjoyed being MOH. This is my problem.
I have a question - for those of you who had 2 MOH's - how did you explain that to the girls, and what did you expect of them then? How did you decide who stood beside you and who signed your marriage certificate?
The BM in question told me before I even got engaged how her cousin (who she complains about constantly yet hangs out with more than any other female friend), had said she would expect her to be MOH if she ever got married and she complained about that to me. She said she's not an organizer or a planner, and she hates public speaking or being in the spotlight. So when she asked me if I picked MOH I told her not yet, and said "I would probably pick you except you said XYZ" and her reply was "Well I just told HER that because I don't want to be HER MOH!" But that was not the impression I got at the time she told me that story. She is right, she's NOT an organizer or a planner and she has not enjoyed being MOH for the other 3 weddings she's been MOH for.
We've been friends since grade 6 and we're 29 and 30 now. Long time! We have always been close enough to be totally real with one another (sometimes that means we are TOO honest with one another and end up fighting because of it but we always make up). But despite the fact we've never lived far apart, she's only been to my house say 5 times in all the years I've been with FH now (which is 10 years in Jan.) despite many many invitations to come over. If I want to see her I am welcome at her house but she will not come here. It has to be on her time, on her turf. SHe's a bit self-absorbed and not comfortable outside her own comfort zone.
I have friends I see more often than her at times, who I go out for lunch with etc and who will visit my house etc. but they're not people I'd say I am more emotionally close to... I don't feel as comfortable around them as I do her. And they're not friends who call to gab with me about the latest whatever... while she calls me almost every day.
She is like a cousin to me actually and as kids I lived with her and her family a few times for weeks and even months at a time (long story).
I feel like MOH should be her role, but then I think of all the times she complained about me to our mutual friends and it got back to me, or all the times I invited her to visit and she couldn't be bothered... or the times I asked her if she'd mind giving me a ride home from the gym (we live literally 5 min apart) when FH had my car, and she would do it, but not even TRY to hide her annoyance with having to and make me feel bad for having even asked (not that often either - maybe twice?)... or the biggest issue, the time she said she wanted to go camping together, so I planned a camping trip that she agreed to, and when push came to shove she told me they (her and her then BF) didn't have enough $$ to go with us and they'd be staying home - 3 weeks later I found out through the grapevine that she actually went camping with my hairstylist/friend who I had introduced her to and who I was no longer even friends with! Yes, I forgave her... we're still friends and I asked her to be a BM. But she's never apologized for it... does she deserve to be my MOH??
Why is this so hard for me? Why do I keep thinking about all the negatives? Am I being ridiculous here?
I love her and of course I want her by my side when I marry (like the other girls I've chosen), hence why she is a BM, but I just don't feel like I can rely on her and that's disappointing to me.
My older FSIL has been a GREAT support to me in planning this wedding so far, she's always eager to talk about it and came with us to the bridal show (3 others didn't have time!), even though for years she was miserable about me, she seems to have come to her senses since last year and done a real 180. We literally talk every day now... though she still can't top my other friend friendship wise, but she's been way more supportive about talking wedding stuff so far - more interested, more eager, more enthusiastic about it all than any of my friends have been. Sometimes I just wonder if she's just gunning for MOH.
I mean when it comes down to it, MOH is supposed to be about the role not about the symbolism, isn't it? At the end of the day as you said, all your BM's are there with you in all your photos etc. - it's really only about who stands RIGHT beside you when you say your vows, and who signs the marriage certificate as witness for you right?
Am I the only person who had such a hard time deciding on MOH? Maybe it's my definition of MOH that is the problem. I should change my view of what an MOH is supposed to be... but that goes against every article I ever read about what MOH is supposed to be. All the wedding "how to" articles say that your MOH has to be someone who can handle the responsibility. That is my biggest issue. I guess I have some hard thinking to do. NOw is the time - if I don't pick someone now it's going to be too late. My wedding is 9 months away!
IF you got this far, thanks for reading!!! I feel a little bit crazy this morning, sorry for the long rambling post! LOL
After typing all this out I'm starting to think I may ask the friend I'm so conflicted about, about being my MOH and then just ask the other girls to please help her out in the speeches dept. etc. and in planning any events that need to be planned, because they all have their relatives strengths. I have another bM who is wickedly creative and I want to use her to come up with table decor ideas, invitation ideas, etc. - she's really great that way. I can potentially use all their strengths. I would explain to my FSIL's that my best friend would have been very disappointed had I not made her MOH because of all we've been through together over the years and I think they would understand. I still want your input though girls! If you're still with me after all this long typing? LOL
2 B Wed July 10, 2009!
Me (29) + FH (32) + his son (12) = 10 years together in unwedded bliss.
Done so far:
Booked venue & coordinator, fought with FMIL, made up with FMIL, lost e-ring, found e-ring... only 6.5 mos to go! OMG!
|
|
|
|
|
|
| | |