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New CB Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 1/6/2009 12:04:19 PM
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Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with stress? The planning process is really getting to me as FH and I are (trying) to pay for the wedding ourselves. The financial stress is eating away at me.
Add to that my FMIL is a HORRIBLE person and I'm having problems with FH's family in general. The stress is affecting my health and relationship. Any advice on how to help save my relationship, bankbook and sanity without calling the whole thing off?
July 18th, 2009 can't come soon enough 
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 5:59:00 AM
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| I know how stressful the wedding planning can be and believe me it brings out the worst in people. My future in-laws argued over everything with my family. They tried to force me to have my husband's cousin as one of my bride's maids even though I'd only met her once. It's been a year since my wedding and that's still being thrown into my face from time to time. Not only did she end up as my husband's grooms woman (whatever the heck that was suppose to be) and she wore this trashy black dress that looked like she should be street walking. In a place of worship no less. I could tell that the Rabbi was not impressed and neither was the wedding planner. Then there was the bride's maid (his sister) who refused to wear the colour dress that the rest of the bride's maids were wearing but insisted on walking down the aisle anyway. Then there was the matter of the shower that the bride's maids couldn't get along well enough to plan.....the two Mom's rescued the party in the end or I wouldn't have had one. I love my husband dearly but his family basically left me with some very bad memories of my wedding. I have some major post wedding issues to this day. But the one thing that kept us from killing each other was a very addictive video game that we played called Luxor. The more nervous or frustrated we got, the more we played and tried to beat each other. I know this sounds crazy but it really helped us get rid of our stress.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 1/5/2009 7:49:26 PM
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| I think the best advice is keep it all in perspective. In the early stages of our wedding planning we had something we called the Letter "I" incident. Basically, on the front of the invitation it was suppose to say "As Autumn leaves change their brilliant hue, Two loves with join and say i do" And the i ended up small, instead of a capital I. At first I was DEVASTATED and actually cried over it that I didn't proof read them enough and couldn't believe no one caught it. Then dh put it into perspective for me and made me realize, they are JUST invitations, no one would probably even notice and guess what, no one did, and the weddng is over, you think I even remeber that? Nope, because the day was so perfect, in the grand scheme of things, THAT doesn't matter!!So all through the planning, if something went a little awol before either of us could get upset we would say "Is this a letter I incident?" Basically a way to check ourselves and the day after this is over, is it even going to matter? Sometimes it is SOOO easy to get wrapped up in things, like, one of my BM refused to get her make up done, so I at first I couldn't understand why she didn't want to, but I had to learn to just let those things go. One bm wanted to wear the shoes she bought for her wedding with the bm dress (shoes are white,sparkly diamond wedding shoes, dresses are chocolate brown and orange DEFINITELY didn't go at all) but, fine, you want to wear bride shoes, go nuts. So at the end of the day, just remember this is about you and him and if his crazy FMIL wants to wear a giant bow on her chest, well, instead of going with your gut instinct to argue with her over it, just think how you can make your life easier, same with money, make a budget, stick to it, going over will only stress you out further
Chulie ~Countdown to November 1,st 2008~
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Group: Forum Members
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| I agree with the PP's that it's important to keep the wedding in perspective, but I also know when you're in the thick of the storm, it's hard to see the happy ending. I think it would be helpful for you and your FH to dedicate specific times for wedding planning stuff. It can be so easy to constantly think, buy, talk and do wedding stuff, that it becomes overwhelming. Lead your life as you normally would - go for walks, make nice meals together and talk about everyday (non-wedding!!) stuff. And then once a week you two sit down and tackle wedding discussion and actions together. I had to give up caffeine while planning my wedding. I was already stressed to the max and the caffeine was making me way too anxious! Good luck 
Live. Love. Laugh. 10.27.07
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Group: Forum Members
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| Herbal tea (which is now a nightly habit for DH and I), yoga and a glass of wine once in a while are my 'stress handlers'. One thing I find that REALLY helps in a heated moment is if you have a pet, cuddle them. We have a cat and when she jumps in my lap and starts to purr, it's easy to mellow out.
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Group: Forum Members
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drinking. 
Jules 
Sparkules to make an appearance June 18.09
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 1/4/2009 5:00:49 PM
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| In the last couple of weeks leading up to my wedding, a mug of warm milk helped me sleep at night. As another person has said, you need to keep things in perspective. Things leading up to the wedding may not go entirely as planned, it may take you a bit longer to finish a craft, or the printers may not trim your programs as you requested. But, keep it all in perspective. Also - be organized!!! Keep a file folder with your ideas, a list of key contacts, reciepts, deposits you have paid and amount oweing, etc. That way, if you need to find something you can. Also - take days off from wedding planning. Don't let it become your life (yes, easier said than done). Ask for help, when you need it. If your family or bridesmaid can't help, ask another friend for help. Due to distance, my sister (and MoH) couldn't attend my dress fittings and learn the proper way to do up the corset back. A co-worker/friend/neighbour was able to come with me, and on the wedding day, she tied up my dress. She wasn't in my wedding party ... just a friend who was able to help!!! Also - this board is great for venting when you need to get something off your chest.
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