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Loving Planning!
 
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I know that when a bride goes off the deep end she becomes "Bridezilla", but what about when our mom's do it? I have discovered the phrase "Just Breathe" is actually uttered by my FH 3-4 times a day when we are dealing with wedding stuff. My mom is also really controlling and taking over my wedding with her wants. We wanted an outdoor wedding we are getting married in a hall way, we wanted a pagan handfasting we have more Jewish ritual in there than my FH may be comfortable with, we wanted a small wedding only 80ppl or so far 200ppl are invited. She is fighting with my FFIL and keeps bad mouthing him to me and putting me in the middle, she has decided how my hair is going to be done and by whom (by whom isn't her fault as my hairdresser has her daughter's wedding the same day), where we are having it, who is going to be invited, who is going to DJ it, and half of my wedding party as well as my MOH.
I totally feel your pain my dr. not only had to put me on meds for my anxiety over the wedding, and has since doubled the dose the closer we get to the wedding. She had to call my mother into a meeting with us to tell her that she need to lay off because she is causing a lot of the wedding anxiety and stress. Just hang in there, keep your eye on the end , and remember that when this is all over you will be with the man you love. you can PM me if you need to vent with someone who is dealing with a mother like yours.
~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~
Stephanie & Mike
Engaged: Sept. 29, 2006
Betrothed: July 22, 2007
Married: Aug. 17, 2008
You are the ink to my paper what my pen is to my pad
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Planning Guru
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i would research hair salons and pay for my own hair before letting her split me and my bridal party the morning before my wedding. who's gonna keep you calm? it sounds like she'll be pushing your buttons! then i'd find somehwere else to sleep with my bridal party. that's that, I wouldn't even negotiate it. it seems like she's pushing your bridal party out and trying to replace them with herself!
0 /0\
/[:]\/@\
//\\ /_\ May 9, 08  I can practically smell the flowers its so close!
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New CB Member
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Last Login: 5/9/2008 8:17:20 AM
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| Do you know what your mother's wedding was like? My guess is that she got married young and her mother planned it all. Perhaps you should bring over some bakery treats, make a pot of tea and ask your mom to see her wedding album. Try to get her talking about her day and find out if her dress, hair, etc., were chosen by your grandmother. It may make her remember how she felt. I just did this with my mother and realized that my grandmother decided every part of my mom's wedding. My mom hated her dress (she was hot, busty 19 year old and she got married in the most modest dress you can imagine). My grandmother told her how she was allowed to do her hair, who her bridesmaids could be, she picked the photographer, the church, the reception, the meal... you get the point. Heck, she even picked the groom (they're still married 30+ years later so I guess it worked out). So, the other day I was talking to her about invitations and said that we probably wouldn't have RSVP cards just a phone number and email address and she was appalled at the idea and was about to try and "convince" me that I was wrong. I teasingly called her by my grandmother's name and she immediately realized that she did not want to do that to me. Anyway, sorry to hijack your post.... Hopefully you can communicate to her how grateful you are for her help (financially, emotionally and all of the time required to plan) while also showing her (respectfully of course) that you are feeling left out of the process. Maybe you can make a compromise with her where you spend the night in a hotel with your girlfriends but get your hair done with her in the morning. If she's afraid you won't get there on time let her pick you up.
"I know there is strength in the differences between us and I know there is comfort where we overlap."
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Loving Planning!
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| If having your bridesmaids with you the night before would make you feel better and less anxious then maybe you could all chip in for a few hotel rooms the night before. It would add a little bit of extra fun and glamour to the night and would help you feel better. I had my girls over the night before my wedding and I loved it! I am so glad that I did that. You should run it by your girls, I know if I was in a WP and the Bride asked, I totally would chip in for a room... Good luck!
It's come and gone......now Mrs. Gibson!
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Master Planner
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32flavors (4/28/2008)
Do you know what your mother's wedding was like? My guess is that she got married young and her mother planned it all. Perhaps you should bring over some bakery treats, make a pot of tea and ask your mom to see her wedding album. Try to get her talking about her day and find out if her dress, hair, etc., were chosen by your grandmother. It may make her remember how she felt. I just did this with my mother and realized that my grandmother decided every part of my mom's wedding. My mom hated her dress (she was hot, busty 19 year old and she got married in the most modest dress you can imagine). My grandmother told her how she was allowed to do her hair, who her bridesmaids could be, she picked the photographer, the church, the reception, the meal... you get the point. Heck, she even picked the groom (they're still married 30+ years later so I guess it worked out). So, the other day I was talking to her about invitations and said that we probably wouldn't have RSVP cards just a phone number and email address and she was appalled at the idea and was about to try and "convince" me that I was wrong. I teasingly called her by my grandmother's name and she immediately realized that she did not want to do that to me. Anyway, sorry to hijack your post.... Hopefully you can communicate to her how grateful you are for her help (financially, emotionally and all of the time required to plan) while also showing her (respectfully of course) that you are feeling left out of the process. Maybe you can make a compromise with her where you spend the night in a hotel with your girlfriends but get your hair done with her in the morning. If she's afraid you won't get there on time let her pick you up. I think this is a really good point - at the time when most of our parents got married, it was the norm for the bride's mother to do most (if not all) of the planning. It might be worth talking to your mom about her own wedding, to see if that was the case. I hope you're able to convince her that, at the very least, it's important to you to spend the morning with your wedding party. Just try to remain as calm and rational as possible, and hopefully she'll respond in kind. Good luck!
Married my love on October 20, 2007... and baby makes 3 on October 15ish, 2008!
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Planning Addict
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| OMG this is my situation too!!!!! My mom and I were fighting so much I hated going home. I wanted a destination wedding and now I am going to have one. This is what we're doing - I've given up on fighting with my mom about my "real wedding" - thank god she let me choose the dress I wanted and my colour theme, and venue. Everything else, including the essentially 2 months salary worth of table linens- have been her decision! I am going to go through all the motions and just let it be her time to shine because quite frankly, I don't even care anymore, I just want to get this over with and be with FH. While on our honeymoon, FH and I are going to have another ceremony- on the beach, at sunset, barefoot, with a romantic dinner to follow. That is going to be our dream wedding and my mom knows NOTHING about it! I know that this may not be the most mature way of handling it but I am so incredibly busy with work and overwhelmed with other aspects of my life that I just can't deal with coming home and arguing about flowers or whatever. Keeping this secret to ourselves is what is getting me through all of this.
10.04.08 H D D
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