CanadianBride.com Talkboards / CanadianBride.com Talkboard / Family Planning / Torn...... / Latest Posts

RE: Torn......

eeklrb — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 18:05:38 GMT

[quote][b]slakie (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]We were also in the opposite situation...

DH did not want to know...he wanted a "surprise" at the end of L&D. I wanted to know. The main reason was that I secretly wanted a little girl....so I wanted time to "prepare" myself if we were having a boy. Seriously, initially in the pregnancy I was afraid that if I was told I just gave birth to a boy, my disappointment would show...

Well, after finding out we were having a boy, I was thrilled. My relationship with my unborn child changed - no longer an "it" but "my little baby boy".

Now, I am totally completely in love with my son....and would love to have another boy...though I would be happy with a girl too (first and foremost I want healthy, happy babies).

DH really wants a boy and a girl and is hoping the next one is a girl....

He has also mentioned that next time he does want to know of the gender early in the pregnancy...I on the other hand, have told him that I would not want to know.:w00t::w00t:

I wonder who will win this "battle" when it arises.....:unsure:[/quote]

This totally happened to me when we found out the sex of our baby. DH didn't want to, and I had said the choice was up to him because I would be happy either way. When asked at the ultrasound he said yes...so we found out. It totally changed my relationship with my unborn baby. Like Slakie said, she went from being an "it" to being "our little girl". It will still be a wonderful surprise when she is born, we don't know what she looks like, what her weight will be, her length, when it will happen and her name is still "up in the air". To each their own...but for me, it's really helped me bond with my daughter. :)

RE: Torn......

ChantalC — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 17:15:50 GMT

Sometimes it depends on the situation too. My cousin had a baby boy at the end of March, a friend had a baby boy the day after, our friends have a one year old boy, and my brother and his wife are having a boy two weeks after me. We really wanted to find out the gender because we were surrounded by boys, and had a feeling it was a girl. If there weren't so many little boys in our immediate circle we may have been tempted to wait to find out at the delivery.

RE: Torn......

AmieL — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:15:15 GMT

Everyone says that there are so few surprises in life that they would like the gender of their baby to be a surprise...heck, I used to say the same thing...

But, when it came down to it, we couldn't wait, and found out at our ultrasound...and guess what? It was STILL a great surprise!!! We were both so happy, and we cried...it was incredible to walk out of that ultrasound with a picture and the knowledge that I had our son in my belly...

then we had lots of time to prepare a boys room!!!

RE: Torn......

Summer07 — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:00:26 GMT

I'm torn between finding out and not. DH doesn't want to find out. I want to find out so I can plan the nursery and get clothing together. I guess we're going to have to talk about it more.

RE: Torn......

amanda222 — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 12:54:22 GMT

[quote][b]XoXo (6/15/2008)[/b][hr]I'm with you, BeeBear. I too would LOVE a boy, and to be honest, I feel as though I might be slightly disappointed if it isn't. Of course I will be thrilled regardless, I just want a healthy baby, but a healthy baby BOY would just be the icing on the cake! I really wanted to find out, and I thought DH was with me, because he said he was, but we were recently out for brunch with my mom and her S.O., and they asked if we wanted to find out, and I said yes and he said no! It was news to me, so we'll see what happens![/quote]

LOL - my DH did the same thing! We'd talked about it early on and were both sort of undecided, but we were both leaning more toward finding out. When some friends later asked if we were going to though, I said "probably" and he said "well, she wants to but I don't... so we probably will." (And I'm left sitting there going "what?" and feeling controlling...)

RE: Torn......

beachnut — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 07:55:46 GMT

What you could also do is perhaps a compromise -- you can find out the gender, however, keep the baby's name a secret to everyone involved.

That is what we hope to do....so that you still have that element of surprise at the birth!
(plus ppl can't influence you on name choices and go "oh" when you say the name you are currently contemplating) lol

RE: Torn......

beachnut — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 07:53:55 GMT

[quote][b]BeeBear (6/13/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]kiwi25 (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]ChantalC did and having the tech write it down and put it in a sealed envelope. That way, you don't have to find out at the time of the ultrasound and if you and dh decide together later to open it, you can always find otu at any time.[/quote]

OHHHH!!!! What a GREAT idea!!!! I like way much!!! :D Thanks![/quote]

Kiwi & BreeBear -- My sister did this! They didn't want to find out with an u/s tech 'breathing down their neck' and watching their faces to see joy or sadness.....so she had them check a box "boy" or "girl" and then they opened it privately so they didn't feel like they had to 'fake' anything for the u/s tech.

Mind you.....they only got to their car in the parking lot (LOL!!) but at least it was THEIR decision when to open it and find out!!! :)

RE: Torn......

anaksa — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 01:40:19 GMT

...wanted to add, one of my friends, didn't want to know the sex and her FH did, he found out and kept it a secret .....until....she was in labour, he went to the cafeteria to get a coffee and told a few people it was a boy, thinking....she's gonna have it soon, it wouldn't matter anyways, so when she finally gave birth and called her parents they already knew the sex!!!!!!!!!

RE: Torn......

anaksa — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 01:35:11 GMT

I've had 3 kids so far and I've never wanted to know, FH wanted to find out the sex for the last baby and needless to say I won. WE don't regret MY decision one bit! :D Do what your heart tells you! There's no wrong or right for this one.

RE: Torn......

XoXo — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 00:35:42 GMT

I'm with you, BeeBear. I too would LOVE a boy, and to be honest, I feel as though I might be slightly disappointed if it isn't. Of course I will be thrilled regardless, I just want a healthy baby, but a healthy baby BOY would just be the icing on the cake! I really wanted to find out, and I thought DH was with me, because he said he was, but we were recently out for brunch with my mom and her S.O., and they asked if we wanted to find out, and I said yes and he said no! It was news to me, so we'll see what happens!

RE: Torn......

Zim — Sun, 15 Jun 2008 00:29:18 GMT

My parents thought I was a boy right up until I was born, and they had been calling me Benjamin. There was a bit of an "oh sh!t" moment, but after that they were completely happy to have me! :P

I think that so long as you don't have your hopes up for either sex, then it's completely OK to wait. Otherwise, as others have said, it might be better to know so that you can prepare yourself.

RE: Torn......

jbuckle — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 18:04:08 GMT

[quote][b]BeeBear (6/14/2008)[/b][hr]I just think it's a very personal decision to find out. I don't judge those that find out, but, for me it DOES take away the element of surprise. :) [/quote]

Well then you have your answer don't you? Just tell your DH that. After all, you are a team in parenting so you should be a team in the pregnancy. If it's that important to you, I"m sure he'd be OK with it.

RE: Torn......

Anna1979 — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 17:21:44 GMT

Wish I could help with your decision but both DH and I decided when then time comes not to find out.

I've had three people close to me have babies in BC in the last two years and they all found out the sex and it wasn't problem with their dr telling them.

RE: Torn......

BeeBear — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 13:17:50 GMT

I just think it's a very personal decision to find out. I don't judge those that find out, but, for me it DOES take away the element of surprise. :)

RE: Torn......

jbuckle — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 13:06:43 GMT

[quote][b]amanda222 (6/13/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]chickypoo (6/13/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]balloongrl (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]we were opposite -he didn't want to know but I did - but two weeks ago I helped change his mind. ;) We're both planners and like to be prepared as best we can be especially with our first. If we have another - we'll make the decision at that time again

also as someone said it is still a great bit of info wether at 20 weeks or 40.

This statement is not to start an argument or change anyones mind its just a random thought I have with everyone giving me their opinions with the fact that I want to know (everyone around me seems to think finding out ruins something and I really shouldn't find out) I really don't understand the whole "surprise" aspect of it all. I mean whats the big surprise? its either a boy or girl right? thats not a surprise to me thats a 50/50 chance. do you ever flip a coin and actually get "surprised" by what the outcome is? no, you already know its going to be one or the other - to me thats not really a huge surprise per se but thats just me getting overly technical which I tend do sometimes :hehe:[/quote]

As a non-mom, I understand the "surprise" thing - when my BIL & FSIL found out they were having a girl, they told everyone and told everyone what her name would be. So when the call came, it was....not as exciting as when I got the call that a dear friend of mine had her baby and we didn't know if it was a boy or a girl or the name. While I can totally understand wanting to know, as an outsider, it's a very different thing to find out months in advance and get the "Ava has arrived" call vs the "We had a boy - his name is Aidan" call (just picking common names, this isn't directed at anyone!).[/quote]

From the outside, I have to agree. I knew that friends of mine were going to have a boy and that they were planning to name him either Adam or Cole. As exciting as it was to hear that he was born, it wasn't quite the same thing as hearing from another friend who didn't know what she was having. I knew her top choices for a boy and a girl, but the "What did they have?" question was still the first thing everyone asked, not "What's his/her name?" We're going to try really hard not to tell anyone other than our parents when we find out, although I think it might slip to a few close friends.[/quote]

I don't find this at all. I have an equal split of friends that have found out and that haven't. There is a HUGE baby boom. I mean about 9 babies born last year and about 8 this year. I'm equally excited to hear about the baby, name and the birth. This isn't dependent on if I knew the gender or not.

Again, it's personal choice. I also agree... it's a 50/50 chance.... it can't be that much of a surprise anyways!!:w00t: I know I would've been equally surprised at 40 weeks as I was at 20 ( as I mentioned).

RE: Torn......

balloongrl — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 11:04:13 GMT

also as someone said it is still a great bit of info wether at 20 weeks or 40.

hmmmm I can understand and respect that and now it makes a little more sense why other people are so opinionated about it...maybe we'll find out but just tell everyone they couldn't get a clear view ;) we'll just switch up saying he or she every other day :P I'm not planning on naming him/her until I see him/her - man it took me two weeks just to name my cat :w00t:

RE: Torn......

slakie — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 23:34:10 GMT

We were also in the opposite situation...

DH did not want to know...he wanted a "surprise" at the end of L&D. I wanted to know. The main reason was that I secretly wanted a little girl....so I wanted time to "prepare" myself if we were having a boy. Seriously, initially in the pregnancy I was afraid that if I was told I just gave birth to a boy, my disappointment would show...

Well, after finding out we were having a boy, I was thrilled. My relationship with my unborn child changed - no longer an "it" but "my little baby boy".

Now, I am totally completely in love with my son....and would love to have another boy...though I would be happy with a girl too (first and foremost I want healthy, happy babies).

DH really wants a boy and a girl and is hoping the next one is a girl....

He has also mentioned that next time he does want to know of the gender early in the pregnancy...I on the other hand, have told him that I would not want to know.:w00t::w00t:

I wonder who will win this "battle" when it arises.....:unsure:

RE: Torn......

crysandjim — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:42:41 GMT

we wanted to know but they wouldnt tell us.

RE: Torn......

amanda222 — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 20:58:36 GMT

[quote][b]chickypoo (6/13/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]balloongrl (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]we were opposite -he didn't want to know but I did - but two weeks ago I helped change his mind. ;) We're both planners and like to be prepared as best we can be especially with our first. If we have another - we'll make the decision at that time again

also as someone said it is still a great bit of info wether at 20 weeks or 40.

RE: Torn......

chickypoo — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 20:53:11 GMT

[quote][b]balloongrl (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]we were opposite -he didn't want to know but I did - but two weeks ago I helped change his mind. ;) We're both planners and like to be prepared as best we can be especially with our first. If we have another - we'll make the decision at that time again

also as someone said it is still a great bit of info wether at 20 weeks or 40.

RE: Torn......

balloongrl — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 19:18:42 GMT

we were opposite -he didn't want to know but I did - but two weeks ago I helped change his mind. ;) We're both planners and like to be prepared as best we can be especially with our first. If we have another - we'll make the decision at that time again

also as someone said it is still a great bit of info wether at 20 weeks or 40.

RE: Torn......

amanda222 — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 18:43:27 GMT

[quote][b]BeeBear (6/13/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]nikki04 (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]BeeBear, where in BC do you live?? I live in Salmon Arm, and they wouldn't tell us here so I had to go to Vernon where they are allowed to tell. Down at the coast a friend of mine also just found out.. but in Kamloops and Penticton they won't tell you.. lol it really depends on where you live! :)

When we found out, we made a big special day out of it. As pp have said, it is a big surprise no matter when you find out.. DH and I were shocked actually! haha DH and I took our moms to the ultrasound with us and the tech even let them come in to see the baby after DH and I had some time alone which was great. Then afterwards, we all went out shopping together for the day for baby girl things!! :) lol[/quote]

I'm actually 40 minutes North of Kamloops. My Doctor is in Kamloops as well.[/quote]

It really seems to depend on the city - we went for our ultrasound in Abbotsford, and they wouldn't tell us there. I'm pretty sure they will in Langley though, which really isn't that far away. We went back and forth on whether we wanted to find out, and finally decided that we do, so we're going to go for a 3D ultrasound. Since it's private (and you pay for it), they can tell you the gender.

You could always call your doctor's office and find out where you'd be sent for an ultrasound, and ask the clinic directly if they'll tell you. If you're not able to find out without travelling farther, that might settle things...

RE: Torn......

Luckee1 — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:27:43 GMT

oh and weird connection, my 1st was born in Kamloops at Royal inland. We lived in Merritt at the time. lol

/end off topic random post.

RE: Torn......

Luckee1 — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:23:15 GMT

I knew my first son was a boy, and it didn't take away from me wanting to meet this little person, to see what he looked like, what his cry sounded like, if he was big, little, short, tall, etc. so no "surprise" element was lost imo, because even though I knew it was a son, I still couldn't wait to meet him.

My 2nd one, when "HE" was born, it was a surprise because we were convinced he was a she. I kept saying "A BOY?! he's a BOY?" LOL but was also very happy to finally meet this being that I had been carrying for 40 weeks.

g'luck in whatever you decide!

RE: Torn......

BeeBear — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:18:02 GMT

[quote][b]nikki04 (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]BeeBear, where in BC do you live?? I live in Salmon Arm, and they wouldn't tell us here so I had to go to Vernon where they are allowed to tell. Down at the coast a friend of mine also just found out.. but in Kamloops and Penticton they won't tell you.. lol it really depends on where you live! :)

I'm actually 40 minutes North of Kamloops. My Doctor is in Kamloops as well.

RE: Torn......

BeeBear — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:17:01 GMT

[quote][b]kiwi25 (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]Beebear, do you have any gut feeling yet about what you think it is? I'm always so curious about this with people who don't find out or haven't found out yet...[/quote]

Nope, just praying for a little man. I've heard alot of ladies say that they've have dreams about their baby (and the gender) but I think I'm too early yet.

RE: Torn......

robandhil — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:06:36 GMT

[quote][b]jbuckle (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]Well, I can't say to much. But it is an amazing surprise whether or not you find out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks!![/quote]

i 100% agree...

RE: Torn......

nikki04 — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:05:09 GMT

BeeBear, where in BC do you live?? I live in Salmon Arm, and they wouldn't tell us here so I had to go to Vernon where they are allowed to tell. Down at the coast a friend of mine also just found out.. but in Kamloops and Penticton they won't tell you.. lol it really depends on where you live! :)

RE: Torn......

kiwi25 — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:56:19 GMT

Beebear, do you have any gut feeling yet about what you think it is? I'm always so curious about this with people who don't find out or haven't found out yet...

RE: Torn......

TheHbride — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:55:40 GMT

[quote][b]jbuckle (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]Well, I can't say to much. But it is an amazing surprise whether or not you find out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks!![/quote]

Great way of putting it, I totally agree!

RE: Torn......

BeeBear — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:53:12 GMT

[quote][b]ChantalC (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]Just a heads up - I TRIED to get the tech to do that and she said they're not allowed to write it down! I was so aggravated, because we were going to open the envelope with family and friends at our reveal the gender party (which never happened since the baby didn't cooperate anyway). The tech said that as soon as it's written down people view it as "law" and if the tech is wrong, they don't want people coming back with something in writing. The whole thing was pretty silly to me...

But anyway, I don't think anybody will do that for you. :([/quote]

That is so stupid. Geesh, I think that's a fabulous idea and to have some tech wreck it for you is just pathetic.........

I guess if I REALLY want my way, I have to hope that they refuse to tell us.....lol, then it's them letting DH down and not me :hehe:

RE: Torn......

Nik82 — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:52:26 GMT

DH is so convinced it's a girl, but he doesn't want to find out for sure. He's now got me convinced it's a girl, but it's also making me worry that there will be a little bit of dissapointment if it turns out to be a boy. We've always said that we wanted 2 kids, a boy and a girl (I know, picky aren't we) so honestly either is totally fine. But as Amanda said I don't want to have that dissapointment because it's not fair to the baby. That being said. Since it sounds so bad saying it out loud, I also don't want to voice my concerns to DH. *sigh*

RE: Torn......

kiwi25 — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:50:09 GMT

Oh sorry, I didn't know that! I just remember that was your plan.

RE: Torn......

ChantalC — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:49:14 GMT

Just a heads up - I TRIED to get the tech to do that and she said they're not allowed to write it down! I was so aggravated, because we were going to open the envelope with family and friends at our reveal the gender party (which never happened since the baby didn't cooperate anyway). The tech said that as soon as it's written down people view it as "law" and if the tech is wrong, they don't want people coming back with something in writing. The whole thing was pretty silly to me...

But anyway, I don't think anybody will do that for you. :(

RE: Torn......

igottajlo — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:47:57 GMT

Brandy --- DH and I were in the same situation .... except it was reversed. He didn't want to know but I did. In the end, we didn't find out and I'm really happy we didn't. I know that if I had found out I would have told him by accident and it was something I just couldn't ruin for him. Now on the other side of the coin, no matter when you find out, it will be a surprise. HOWEVER, I can understand wanting to wait until the end to find out.

I would talk to your DH about it. Is it something he REALLY needs to know? Or could he wait? Could he actually keep it secret from everyone (you wouldn't want to risk you finding out from someone else) ? ... Also, what if it's wrong? DH and I have some friends that this happened to ... and while they were just overjoyed to have a healthy baby ... they had ALOT of blue clothes for their little girl!

I was a little disappointed to not find out in the beginning ... but I'm glad we didn't! We'll have such a wonderful surprise in the end! Plus you can get most thing gender neutral! :)

RE: Torn......

ChantalC — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:47:09 GMT

I agree that it's a surprise whether you find out at 20 weeks or at 40. Either way, it's a surprise. For me, they couldn't tell at my big ultrasound and we ended up doing a 3D ultrasound to find out the gender. Knowing it's a girl has really helped me to bond with the baby.

Talk it over with your dh - you may find the further along you are the more you want to know. And also, being in BC I think you probably will have a harder time finding out the gender. On my other board the BC girls had to cross provincial lines to find out the gender, since their doctor's wouldn't tell them.

RE: Torn......

BeeBear — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:46:58 GMT

[quote][b]kiwi25 (6/13/2008)[/b][hr]ChantalC did and having the tech write it down and put it in a sealed envelope. That way, you don't have to find out at the time of the ultrasound and if you and dh decide together later to open it, you can always find otu at any time.[/quote]

OHHHH!!!! What a GREAT idea!!!! I like way much!!! :D Thanks!

RE: Torn......

BeeBear — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:45:30 GMT

Don't feel bad Fasha, DH and I are both rooting for a boy and I would be slightly sad to find out it's a girl.....it does sound bad doesn't it....:ermm:

Bah, I'm at a loss........I'll mention the list of reasons to him tonight and see what we come up with.

RE: Torn......

kiwi25 — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:43:40 GMT

Obviously this is a very, very personal choice. I know that when its our turn, we would want to find out - for us, it would help us bond with and prepare for the baby. I also know that my parents have actually kind of trashed me for saying that (long story) because they feel, as you do, that there are few surprises in life and that should be one of them. I can see both sides and respect both arguments.

If you and your dh disagree right now, perhaps its not a decision that needs to be made immediately, since it will be a few months before you're even given a choice. If you're still not in agreement at the time of the key ultrasound, perhaps consider doing what ChantalC did and having the tech write it down and put it in a sealed envelope. That way, you don't have to find out at the time of the ultrasound and if you and dh decide together later to open it, you can always find otu at any time.

RE: Torn......

fascha — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:38:09 GMT

This is a tough call - DH and I were the opposite. I really wanted to find out and he didn't. He came around to the idea, and now is sooooo glad that we did find out. For us it was a bit different as I really wanted a daughter and I didn't want to find out at the birth that I had a son (I know that sounds soooo awful but really I thought my son deserved my love and happiness 100% from the moment he was born so if there was to be one, I needed to know!) Sooooooo long story short DH decided that "just because" did not trump "I don't want to be disapointed on the day of our baby's birth" LOL

After our u/s that we found out we were having a boy - I was sad for all things pink and the mother-daughter relationship I wouldn't have with our SON LOL but now that I've had a chance to get to the bottom of why I felt this way in the first place, I love my little man more than ever and would absolutely never, every trade him for an x chromosome if I had the chance. I felt that it helped me bond with him before he was born, and that definitely outweighed the surprise factor at birth.

I guess you should both make a list of reasons why you Do or Do Not want to find out and see if any warrant mind-changing. I know once I told DH why I wanted to find out, he agreed 100%

Whatever you do decide to do, you will not regret it either way so good luck!