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RE: Legal Guardians

Soon2bMrsP — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 13:35:51 GMT

We are going through this too. I am not pregnant but it is a constant source of discussion, we are planners! lol

The problem we are having is., the people we would want are not ready NOW but might be perfcect in the future... like my sister is only 13, but when she is in her late 20s she would be my first choice..

tricky wording that in a will!

Also, FH cousin is another good choice, but right now she is single and would probably say no.. but the future who knows.

Its so hard to pick!

RE: Legal Guardians

Summer07 — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 10:53:20 GMT

[quote][b]gr8blessings (6/26/2008)[/b][hr]We are thinking DH's eldest sister because her kids are grown but she had them when she was very young. We still have to ask her. My DH hates talking about these things, and I hate to nag him about it.

I also want to have life insurance so that my children are not financial burdens to the legal guardians and that they would have all that we would have given them.

gr8blessings[/quote]

My DH is the same way. We talked about it again last night and we thought about his aunt and uncle. DH's aunt is only 40 and never had kids, but always wanted them. They are amazing people, would treat our kids like their own and are very well off financially. The only thing is they live in Ontario where no other family lives. I would want our kids to be around lots of family. This is a very hard decision.

As for life insurance, both DH and I have life insurance and all of our assets would go to providing for our kids.

RE: Legal Guardians

gr8blessings — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 10:32:59 GMT

We are thinking DH's eldest sister because her kids are grown but she had them when she was very young. We still have to ask her. My DH hates talking about these things, and I hate to nag him about it.

I also want to have life insurance so that my children are not financial burdens to the legal guardians and that they would have all that we would have given them.

gr8blessings

RE: Legal Guardians

missdish — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 07:55:55 GMT

We aren't there yet but we've talked about it. Its looking like my sister.

2 of my SIL's are younger and not mature enough, the older one we don't speak with.

My mom raised her kids, and well I don't even know if MIL and FIL will get to babysit.....

RE: Legal Guardians

XoXo — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:37:13 GMT

This is tough... DH and I are both the oldest in our families. I have one younger brother and he has two younger brothers... I love them all to death, but am not sure any of them would be proper candidates for being legal guardians if anything were to happen to us... DH and I both agree his parents would be the best choice. They are very financially stable and his mom doesn't work out of the home, so she would be available to care for another child if need be. The only thing I worry about is what my own mother will say... while I would love to have her as a legal guardian, she's a single woman who could hardly raise my brother and I on her own (because of her financial situation) and I don't see how she would ever be able to afford to care for our child... she's a very jealous type of person, so I think she'd be upset that she wasn't the first choice...

RE: Legal Guardians

eeklrb — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 15:52:30 GMT

[quote][b]amanda222 (6/25/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]Summer07 (6/25/2008)[/b][hr]Thanks for sharing your options on a very personal decision. I think when I go see my brother next month we are going to ask him and his gf if they will be our lo's legal guardian. Although we are not super close, I know my brother would welcome our lo into their family and treat them like they were his own. Plus my brother and his gf are going to raise their daughter in a way that I want my children to be raised. I know SIL is going to be very disapointed that she will not be named the legal guardian, but I don't think there is any reason to tell her. [/quote]

Agreed - it's a very personal decision, and one you have to feel fully comfortable with. We know full well that if word got out that we'd asked the one set of friends to step in, the ones with the terror-child (who we're closer to) would be very hurt. So it's just not something we'll be discussing. It's no one's business but yours and the people you're asking.[/quote]

I completely agree. My other SIL (the one we didn't ask) would be very very hurt and offended but we don't feel comfortable leaving our baby with her and her husband- end of story. I don't agree with how they live their lives, a lot of their religious views and the way to "force" them on me, and I don't believe they are in a good place in their lives right now. I feel that it would be irresponsible of me to place the care of my child/ren in their hands. My other SIL feels the same which is why they choose us.

RE: Legal Guardians

amanda222 — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 15:01:11 GMT

[quote][b]Summer07 (6/25/2008)[/b][hr]Thanks for sharing your options on a very personal decision. I think when I go see my brother next month we are going to ask him and his gf if they will be our lo's legal guardian. Although we are not super close, I know my brother would welcome our lo into their family and treat them like they were his own. Plus my brother and his gf are going to raise their daughter in a way that I want my children to be raised. I know SIL is going to be very disapointed that she will not be named the legal guardian, but I don't think there is any reason to tell her. [/quote]

RE: Legal Guardians

Summer07 — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:44:17 GMT

Thanks for sharing your options on a very personal decision. I think when I go see my brother next month we are going to ask him and his gf if they will be our lo's legal guardian. Although we are not super close, I know my brother would welcome our lo into their family and treat them like they were his own. Plus my brother and his gf are going to raise their daughter in a way that I want my children to be raised. I know SIL is going to be very disapointed that she will not be named the legal guardian, but I don't think there is any reason to tell her.

RE: Legal Guardians

igottajlo — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:16:13 GMT

We are going to ask SIL and BIL. We have limited choices (my brothers are out of the question ... they're younger, 21 and 19) and we don't want to pick our parents (only because they've already raised 5 children between them ... they deserve a break). So we're going to ask BIL and SIL. They are established and would be excellent role models for our child(ren).

RE: Legal Guardians

fascha — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:16:06 GMT

I've thought of this time and again, and even though I don't want my parents or his to have the reponsibility to raise my kids if I'm gone - I think they would be the best choice. So if I die, sorry for your trouble but my mom and dad will likely have to care for my kids if I'm unable... I feel guilty about unloading such a big responsibility on them but hey - at least they're alive! LOL I don't think they would want it any other way if they lost me anyways... despite the hugre responsibility.

RE: Legal Guardians

amanda222 — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:12:33 GMT

We discussed it for quite a while, and the people we're most comfortable with are my parents. We weren't sure how they'd feel about it the responsibility of it though, so we talked about all other options. Plus, we thought it might be a good idea to have an alternate even if my parents agreed. (It turns out they're more than happy to be listed as guardians, so that made everything a lot easier.)

DH and I each have one sibling who could potentially care for our children. My borther and his GF aren't at a place in their lives where it's something I'd be comfortable asking of them, though - they're both relatively young, and not looking at starting a family any time soon. Maybe in 5-10 years they'd be a better choice for us, but not now. DH's sister and her husband have two small boys already, but she has some fairly strong religious views that we don't share. We worried about our children not being given much freedom of choice when it came to religion, and it was a big issue for us. Neither of us felt comfortable asking MIL - she's a great grandmother, but we just didn't think it would be good for either her or our kids.

Then we moved on to considering friends. We wouldn't ask anyone without kids themselves, so that narrowed it down a bit, to about three couples. One has what we consider an unbalanced/borderline-dysfunctional relationship, and we weren't comfortable with them. Of the other two couples, one has zero discipline for their own child, and allow her to pretty much do whatever she wants. Although they will have a second LO exactly the same age as ours, we're just not comfortable with the idea of our child being raised the way that theirs has been. (I can see enough potential problems in the future just from the kids playing together regularly.) As for the third couple. we have a lot of respect for the way that they are raising their children - obviously loving, but with very clear boundaries and rules. I don't really agree with the husband on all of his views, but we felt comfortable with the idea of entrusting our children to them. We may not end up asking them after all, since my parents have agreed, but we may still decide to ask if they'd be willing to be alternates.

Sorry that was so long, but that was our decision-making process. We basically just pictured our children in each different situation, and went with our gut reaction. (Although we talked about it and rationalized why we felt the way we did.)

RE: Legal Guardians

eeklrb — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 14:04:55 GMT

DH and I have talked about this as well. It was a very personal decision for us. We've decided that if anything should happen to both of us, our child/ren will go to one of my SILs and her husband. We made this decision based on a number of things. Her and her husband have similar ideas and values when it comes to raising children. We are really close to them (my SIL is my bestfriend) and our kids (she has a 1 year old) will be very close. I know that if anything were to happen to us, our kids would be welcomed into their family without question and that they would unconditionally love our child/ren as their own (heck, they already do and she isn't even born yet). We've spoken to them about this and they have agreed so that is set, and we all feel comfortable with it. They have also asked us to be their child/rens legar guardians if anything happened to them- pretty much based on the same reasons.

It is a very personal decision, and DH and I thought long and hard about it.

Legal Guardians

Summer07 — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 13:52:56 GMT

The other day I was thinking about legal guardians for our lo in case anything ever happens to DH and I. When we have our lo, we are going to be changing our will and I figure we might as well declare our lo's legal guardians at the same time. What I am having a hard time with is deciding who should be the legal guardian. I don't want my dad and is wife or MIL to have the resp of raising another child. SIL is not an option at this time. My brother and his gf seem like the best option, but we are not super close and I don't know how I would go about asking them. Plus they just had a baby of their own, so they are busy doing their own thing. How did you pick your lo's legal guardian?