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RE: Embarassing

JadeFleur — Sun, 07 May 2006 19:06:47 GMT

Hmmm..I am not gonna go into details but wanted to say I think it is very admirable that you guys waited for marriage. More often than not I wish I had waited..its probably all those years of catholic school..LOL

RE: Embarassing

KeriBerrie — Sun, 07 May 2006 14:08:14 GMT

There are quite a few posts already and I didn't want to read through every one....so I appologize if this has already been said.

It will probably hurt a bit your first time. If you are nervous, you may tighten up a bit, making it harder for him to get inside you. You may also want a lubricant. This will decrease the friction a bit...which I find is what hurt most (if you aren't "wet" enough). Maybe it will be better if you wait until you are married. Considering you have waited all this time already, you were probably really nervous when you tried because you were breaking your plans. Not that I'm saying you aren't ready to do it now or that you don't want to. It's just that once you're married, you will have that peace of mind you might be waiting for.

Good luck. I'm sure things will get better and you will enjoy it in no time!!:D

RE: Embarassing

lizap — Sun, 07 May 2006 13:21:15 GMT

The previous posters pretty much said exactly my thoughts...LUBE is the key to happiness...lol!!! Sounds corny, I know....but...it's true... Lubrication, like Ky Jelly will make such a huge difference in your lovemaking...Also, just as MLD pointed out, you need to be relaxed...it's your first time so relaxation is the key...don't worry...it will get better each time you do it...I remember my first time....the guy was HUGE, and I felt like it was killing me.. Not to mention, it lasted for like 3 hours, so...imagine how much pain I was in the whole time...lol!! :hehe: :ermm:I didn't feel I enjoyed it one bit, but the couple times after, it gets sooo much easier, and you enjoy it sooo much more...especially if you're doing it for the first time with fh, it will be soooo much more enjoyable and memorable...you are making love to the man that you love and want to spend the rest of your life with...that makes it even more special!!!:D:)

Hope that helps!!! Btw, kudos to you and fh for waiting!!!! I admire people that choose to wait until they find 'The One'...

RE: Embarassing

Ember — Sun, 07 May 2006 10:40:01 GMT

I know there's a very romantic notion of waiting until your wedding night... But good for you for deciding that your wedding night will not suck! :D

If after a few attempts things still aren't working you I strongly suggest that you see a doctor. There are several things that can cause pain during sex that have nothing to do with losing your virginity and you will want to rule these out. Once that is done you can work on anything emotional, including just a fear of being hurt.

Sex hurt like crazy for me the first time. Luckily, he was also a virgin so it was over in a few seconds. LOL I was also sore for the next few days and it continued to be painful for the next few times as well. But this really is one of those cases where practice makes perfect! Good luck! :)

RE: Embarassing

crazykewl — Sun, 07 May 2006 01:07:45 GMT

I agree, lube lube lue and relax!!!

The more tense you are, the more its going to hurt :(

RE: Embarassing

honeybear1188 — Sun, 07 May 2006 00:00:41 GMT

Thanx so much for all your help ladies!

I don't think it's an issue with not enough foreplay cuz we've done just about everything else BUT intercourse. So I mean, this is something that we're definately ready for. We've done the whole touching thing, being naked and everything. We Live together for heavans sake. We have been for two years now, so I mean, it's not a matter of being uncomfortable around each other. This is just the next step, and the only thing I guess we didn't do was the lube. I'm gonna have to pick some up I guess. Has anyone tried the Elexa brand (Made for women by Trojan?) lubricant? if so, lemme know how it worked.

Anouther CBer pmd me some useful information on this little gadget that you can use and slowly increase the size 'til it's not painful anymore, so I think I'm going to look into that....;)

So thank you so much girls! You were all a great help! I'm no longer emberassed!:D

RE: Embarassing

MrsZator — Sat, 06 May 2006 20:40:22 GMT

One word.....LUBE!! I use it for everythimg (in bed;)) You also have to relax, if your not ready your not ready dont rush it!!:D

Hope it all works out!!:)

RE: Embarassing

ColeK — Sat, 06 May 2006 18:53:25 GMT

Another thing that can really hurt is if he isn't hard enough. If this is the case, you just need to help him out until he's ready.

RE: Embarassing

DeeDee401 — Sat, 06 May 2006 18:16:22 GMT

Yup, I think the ladies in the previous posts have it right!

As Jonny says "Relax, when you get down to it. Relax, when you wanna come."

You've built it up so much in your head that its going to hurt like the dickens it's no wonder!

Have a few drinks first..that should do it!

Good luck!!

RE: Embarassing

MLD — Sat, 06 May 2006 17:15:32 GMT

LOL honeybear, and you thought we would be too embarassed to post!

RE: Embarassing

AlanaBanana — Sat, 06 May 2006 15:20:51 GMT

Hi love!

Okay - MLD gives great advice. Take your time, lots of foreplay, and lots of lubrication.

Honestly, while I'm a huge advocate of waiting for sex until you're married or at least very very committed (as you two obviously are), I think saving your first time for your wedding night is just setting yourself up for anxiety and disappointment. Imagine you had this experience on your wedding night expecting it was going to be perfect... better you work-out the kinks without so much pressure, either before your wedding day, or after.

There is more to sex than intercourse. There's plenty of ways to play and pleasure eachother. Get a good sex book, and read it separately, dog-ear the pages that interest you most, and read it together. My advice is that you start by being naked together - just get used to it. :) Then just gently touch and kiss eachother everywhere. Go slow, take your time, and advance when you feel comfortable and ready. Have a few naked touching sessions together before you go all the way, if that's what you need.

I didn't have sex until I was 22, and I was very scared of it being painful, as you are. But FH was understanding and gentle with me the first several times. Before I knew it, we were pros. :D

You've gotta remember that each of us has a first time, it's always strange and clumsy, and there is a little pain. But don't let yourself be scared-away. We all go through it, we all survived, and we all went back for more! :P

Best of luck! :D

RE: Embarassing

EastWest — Sat, 06 May 2006 14:34:34 GMT

Relax and enjoy! Don't think about it too much. You probably were tense and that's why, it does hurt the first time but if you relax and have fun...you'll soon realize there's no pain anymore:)

RE: Embarassing

balloongrl — Sat, 06 May 2006 12:23:34 GMT

lube lube lube :D

RE: Embarassing

heather972 — Sat, 06 May 2006 11:53:27 GMT

Remember that you love eachother, and that you have wanted to wait until the wedding, personally I would be waiting until the wedding night, after all you have waited 4 1/2 years as it is right? After that I would say listen to the above stuff, lubrication is key, Y isn't all that great, I mean sure it works, but as far as a really good time, it's not the best. This would be embaressing for the first time, but go to an adult shop and buy a lube there, personally we enjoy ID but that's just us.
Get comfortable being naked around eachother, this one sounds weird too but sit in a room, being completely not sexual, and talk to eachother naked, it will make you so comfortable with eachother. Then work your way up, try kissing, then touching, then being intimate. I think that would be your best bet.

RE: Embarassing

kruk — Sat, 06 May 2006 11:51:48 GMT

Well...the good news is that it likely won't hurt like that again! I was wondering...was he a virgin too? That could also explain why it hurt..my first time was also my BFs (at the time) first time. It was kind of a nightmare cuz niether of us had a clue how to do it.

Sex can be painfull if your body isn't ready. I would suggest for the first few goes...because lets face it, you are going to be nervous and might have a difficult time relaxing and getting turned on...use lube. As you get to know your body....you will learn when you need extra help in the lube department and when you're ok on your own. Invest in some good lube. Skip the KY jelly...its too thick and not slippery enough. We have the Kama Sutra Love Liquid and it its great. If you don't have a store where you can buy such things...or are embarrassed you can probably get it online.

If you haven't already..try touching yourself.

Lastly...take your time. Don't just try to get penetration over with quickly. Tease each other. When you think you are all hot and bothered and ready...WAIT, have some more foreplay. Try to enjoy exactly what you are doing, try not to anticipate what will happen next. (although, when you're more used to it, anticipation is great fun!)

Hang in there, it will get better!!!

RE: Embarassing

ScotBride — Sat, 06 May 2006 08:12:44 GMT

I agree with all of the things MLD said and would like to add... practice makes perfect!

Also, if your nervous about it you could always try a sex toy. A small vibe or dildo would help "break the ice" so to speak to get you used to what having something up there feels like. It's another form of "if i don't know what i like how's he ever gonna know".

Try and relax. The first time isn't great for a lot of women. It takes time, patience, understanding and a few good tries!

Best of luck!

RE: Embarassing

MLD — Sat, 06 May 2006 08:03:30 GMT

Hi there,

Well I can see how that other night sounded frustrating. But maybe there are a few things you could do...

If you felt a lot of pressure for it to be a great night, you probably weren't relaxed! You will really need to relax your mind so that your body and muscles are relaxed too.

Next, lots of foreplay!! You want to be totally warmed up and ready to go. Also, that will help you relax and think about what is happening in the moment, and not about how the wedding night has to go well.

Finally, lubrication is key!! If you aren't wet enough on your own, then have some KY handy. It makes a HUGE difference. Also, I don't know if you are using condoms or not, but I found out that I am allergic to spermicide (non-oxyil 9 or whatever it's called) so it really BURNED but it wasn't because he hurt me going in, the spermicide was hurting me! Something to think about.

Good luck and have fun!

Embarassing

honeybear1188 — Fri, 05 May 2006 22:24:59 GMT

Okey, this is kinda embarassing....

:unsure:

FH and I have been toegether for 4 1/2 years, and we still haven't had sex. we were waiting for our wedding. I know the first time is going to hurt, and I don't exactly picture our wedding night full of pain, so we decided we'd try to get used to it first. Well, the other night we dicided that we would try, but it hurt SOOOOOOO bad that I couldn't! :crazy:(Like I mean, he couldn't even get it in!):unsure: I knew it would hurt, but I never imagined that it would hurt THIS much! We couldn't do anything! I want to be able to have a nice passionate night with him on our wedding night, but I don't see this happening! I have a very low pain tolerance, but like I said, I never imagined it would hurt like that! I felt like crap after and I was shaking and I just wanted to cry! I don't know what to do!

Has anyone else had this problem? If so, what did you do? How'd you get past it? If you don't feel comfortable posting on here, just PM me or email me at flutterby1188@hotmail.com

Any advice would be MUCH appreciated.
Thanx ladies! I know I can count on you!