CanadianBride.com Talkboards / CanadianBride.com Talkboard / Conflicts & Etiquette

RSVP's

Anik664 — Wed, 14 May 2008 08:10:52 GMT

I recently made a spelling mistake on my hand made invites and had to redo them, since I also found grammatical errors in the french ones (go figure..). So we busted our bums on the weekend and remade our invites competely. I am sooooo proud of them! They are really pretty compared to the ones that we had made originally. Anyway, we put them in the mail right away and people are already starting to receive them!! Its so exciting!! However, I'm a little bummed out because FH's parents AND grandparents both returned their RSVPs by hand.. and its kind of annoying because I was really excited to get my first ones back in the mailbox. Also, they are so stingy with their money... yet they still do ahead and waste MY money by not using the stamp provided on the envelope. Did anyone else have this happen?? Just curious.

Dear_______

jennurban — Wed, 28 Mar 2007 12:59:22 GMT

Dear Bm #2-- I don't care that YOU don't wanna go shopping b/c YOU think that that 5 pounds that you wanna lose is going to change your dress size. Get your a$$ in the car and shut up.

Dear FMIL-- First off take back that ugly so not the colour that I wanted suit for MY son and just leave the suit shopping to me. Secondly while you're taking back that suit take back yours. Just b/c I'm not wearing white doesn't mean that YOU can. And of course last but not least!! DO NOT tell me that you don't like the wording on the invitations when I told you that I was printing them this weekend and I came to you to see if YOU liked them.

Dear Mom-- I know you mean well but if you don't stop shopping behind my back and spending money that I didn't budget for I'm going to start screaming. I really like the things you bought but I could've found them cheaper.

Oh that feels better

Jenn

Marrying my prince July 14/07

Court is complete

ottmann2 — Wed, 14 May 2008 10:35:43 GMT

Well...its not as horrible as i thought.

Criminal record for 2 years. and he can't drink or be in a public place drinking for one year, and he has to go to councelling for drinking. Which i think is dumb...who doesn't drink when they are in their teens and twenties...whatever though. I'll have to drink my myself now. LOL

Guess we will save alot of money! But its going to be a different summer for us. He is completley relieved now, and so am I! And he told me he's really looking forward to just being rid of his past and making things perfect for us.

Im happy! And no longer worried:D Thanks for all the support though...wow i was a basket case yesterday!

Moving in with FH

TaraN — Sat, 10 May 2008 08:53:17 GMT

I'm moving in a month and a half to FH's house. We've never lived together or with anyone else. What was the hardest adjustment?

I'm terrified of him seeing the mirror after I floss, I usually leave it (I know thats nasty!) or having my hair clog the shower drain.

Its sounds wierd, but little things like that are scaring me!

No kids.

Jle24 — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 21:45:22 GMT

My cousin is getting married and sent separate invitations for wedding and then dinner/reception.

The dinner/reception one has my name, FH's name, and our son's name on it. The RSVP card for this also has all three of our names on it. But on the RSVP card it states in big bold letters "PLEASE NO CHILDREN AT THE DINNER & RECEPTION".

Should I call her to clarify whether my son is actually invited or not? Or just assume that he is not and she made a mistake by putting his name on it?

Oh, and I have absolutely no problem with the no kids thing... I just find it strange his name is on the envelope, inside of the invite and on the rsvp card.

What can I do to help

tobeme08 — Fri, 09 May 2008 11:23:35 GMT

Ok So I have a friend who is getting married on May 25th. Since she got engaged she has been quite different with me. We both got engaged 2 weeks apart and she actually blamed me for stealing her spotlight???

Anyways, we've had some issues: She started stealing my ideas, I stop telling her, she wanted to have our TTD session TOGETHER, 6 months after her wedding, I put a stop to that, but she is still thinking about doing hers the day after my wedding.

The past month she has been calling me freaking out about different things: 1) Not everyone she invited is coming. She is getting married 8 hours from everyone on a Sunday, everyone has to travel and miss work. 2) It snowed so now she has to move the ceremony inside...It's May, rain and snow are expected. 3) She doesn't have enough people coming to the wedding so there moving her to a different room or charging her more, is that even legal, apparently yes, its in the contract. 4) NO church will marry her on a Sunday, 5) She hates her dress and thinks that it isn't fair that I got the dress I wanted...she even made me feel bad about spending the money I did for the dress I got. and 5) Yesterday she called me freaking out because she doesn't have flowers...She was buying from a wholesaler and they won't ship tulips and lilies for a sunday wedding cause they will die.

I feel really bad for her because she has had to make so many compromises already that she isn't really getting the wedding of her dreams. And I guess I am just getting annoyed by all her complaining and for the fact that she said this is what you have to look forward to. But I really don't I am organized and have everything done, including back up plans. So What should I do. I want to comfort her, but in a way I am mad because she keeps making me feel bad about my wedding. FH says that she is jealous because we are getting the wedding we want and she isn't.

Now she just called while I was typing this, she can't get into the location the night before because their is a wedding...NO WAY on a Saturday? Anyways, she delegated duties to me and our friends, none of us are coming in until the morning of, now we have to leave even earlier to help. She never even asked. She is so unorganized that I am afraid to help because then she'll blame us if things don't look right.

"cold feet yet?" "are you nervous?"

missdish — Fri, 02 May 2008 08:08:33 GMT

I understand that its just something that people say and that.

But I'm annoyed when people ask if we have cold feet or were nervous!

If I had cold feet about FH then I wouldn't have said I would marry him, and what would I be nervous about?

I'm more nervous about it raining or the venue burning down than I am about marrying FH.

There vent done.

He's got court

ottmann2 — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:58:42 GMT

Maybe I am just worried (ok i am).

My FH has court next week for a fight that happened 4 years ago. I don't know the whole story...but I'm scared for him. Does anyone know someone who's gone through this? I had a friend that couldn't leave the country for 4 years and had a curfew for a year...............

my minds just OUTTA CONTROL!!! :w00t:

I left out the accent.....D'oh

bluenuit — Sun, 11 May 2008 15:02:34 GMT

Hey girls,

I need your opinions and advice.

I sent out my bridal shower invites, and I thoguht everything was great, but my soon to be mother in law told my fiance that I left out the accent on his grandmothers name.

I dont think it is a huge deal. But maybe it is. My fiance made the guest list, he wrote out her name, and left out the accent. But now I feel like they think its my fault. Im sure they think its my fault....

Im english and him and his family are french. It causes some issues. Fro instance, when I go over to his place, they tlak french and I miss half the conversation. They do speak english when they are tlaking directly to me, but does that mean, Im not included in the general conversations?

I have never felt out of place b4, but I do at his parents house. I feel like a minority. And it feels aweful.

My fiance and his mom were fighting about the mistake on the invitation, and she said that she makes an effort, and so should I. I didnt know I was such an effort. I mean, they watch english tv!!

I have taken french courses, and I try to understand what they are saying.

my fiance wants our children to go to french school! I wont even be able to talk to my kids!! Is this crazy or what? I do want them to be biligual, since we live in Ottawa, its pretty important, but I wont be able to help with homework, and Im afriad they will speak french in front of me as a kind of secret code, I dont want to be left out of my own family.....

What can I do? about the invitation mistake, and about living with 2 cultures my whole life!? eeeek!

going crazy...Im pretty sure

Ticabride — Sat, 10 May 2008 16:04:15 GMT

Ok I think I may be going crazy! I need some help...

I have gone to the florist 3 times and changed my flowers 3 times!! This is insane... I have no idea what I really want, I also dont really trust my florist. She never does a mock up and I think she really has no idea what I really want. She will pull out things and say what about this...I think this is what you mean...and its usually the ugliest f'ing thing ever...Im afraid on the wedding day it will be so not what I want. Now I want to switch florists and change my bouquets again. Do you think its too late to get a new florist? I am really feeling stressed about it?

This one really takes the cake!!

williewonka — Thu, 08 May 2008 14:53:37 GMT

In Dear Abby today:

DEAR ABBY: Two friends of mine are being married. Their wedding will be a potluck. I have never heard of such a thing, and I'm wondering if this means I shouldn't bring a gift.

On top of bringing food, they have also assigned people to various tasks, such as setting up the hall, doing dishes, serving the cake and such. What does a wedding guest do in a situation like this? -- NOT SURE IF I DO

DEAR NOT SURE: It appears this affair is one in which an unusual amount of effort is expected of the "guests." Unless you are prepared to participate fully -- and that includes giving them a small wedding gift -- stay home and watch a rerun of "Father of the Bride."

Yowza! :w00t:

Getting really tired of this kind of sh!t!!!

A+J=<3 — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:28:58 GMT

Ok, we are 44 days away, I am getting stressed with the groomsman. I wanted some help with our programs, as they are proving to be alot if work. It was like pulling teeth to get anyone to help... best man came over and helped a little, but mostly goofed off while he was here, the two GM couldn't... one was on the highway on his way to kitchener, ok fine, but the other one was with his girlfriend, with whom he spends ALL of his time with now... So he wasn't available to come over and help.

This GM, W we'll call him, who has the new girlfriend, skipped out on BOTH our engagement party and our stag and doe. I am getting a little sick of it. Today was the day people had to book rooms in Kingston by or they'd be let go. Well I called W today to see if he booked a room forthe three GM, and he said "Oh yea I called and they said they have no more rooms" But he didn't even seem to care! So I called and I booked the room for them. They are moving people around for me because I was told I should have rooms blocked off until today.... but the point is, that I was the one hwo had to figure it out...

Also I was informed today that GM #2, we'll call him B, has some other engagement to attend on the friday before the wedding... He is suposed to be picking up the tuxes and driving to Kingston on Friday so they cal all attend the rehearsal. And I cannot get ahold of him.

These three guys were so excited to be in the wedding party, and now they dont' care, they make other plans, blow me off when I ask for help and make comments like "why, this is your dream not ours" And yes, BM said this to me yesterday when I called to ask for help with the programs...

I am fcuking pissed about all of this and just need to vent, so thanks for reading. It is too late to replace them and we have the tuxes ordered. WHICH by the way, Alex and I paid the deposts on, they STILL have not gone to pay for the rest... We ordered them in January...

What would you do?

Zim — Mon, 05 May 2008 19:52:15 GMT

This is a somewhat long story.

I originally wasn't going to have a bridesmaid, because we are planning this wedding very quickly and it seemed like too much hassle. Then I realised that I would at least need someone to sign the registry, so I decided to ask a friend who is making a big effort to come from overseas.

I asked my friend last week, and the wedding is May 31st.

She had already bought a pink dress. I hate pink, and our wedding colour is green, so without seeing a picture I hinted that I would like her to wear a green dress. She is a darling, and went out to buy a green dress. She sent me photos of both today, and I actually like the pink dress on her much, much better!!

I know my friend was excited about the pink dress, and now I can see why. She is planning to bring both, so that she can wear the green one at the ceremony, and the pink one at the reception. I don't know what the return policy is where she lives, but if she can return the green dress I think she should wear the pink one all day. We can perhaps put some pink flowers in her bouquet to match.

So. Basically I have three questions:

1. Can I ask her to change her dress AGAIN and suggest she wear the pink one?

2. Is it worth hanging onto a colour scheme?? (For those of you who are married)

3. Don't you think that the green dress is UGLY anyway? :D

Traditions You Broke & Don't Care

missdish — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 15:21:02 GMT

So after reading a fellow CBers post that she talked about being stressed over using drink tickets and not having perfect centerpieces I started thinking that yes I'm doing lots of things that people might not agree with but I don't care!

So fellow brides what are you doing/not doing that others won't like but you don't care?

My list:

-We are not having wine with dinner, just punch!

-Some people are only invited to the "dance" part of the reception!

-I'm having a cash bar!

-I'm not having a "late night buffet"

-I'm spending the night before the wedding with FH and will have breakfast with him that morning

Invite wording with deceased & remarried parents

simile — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:11:49 GMT

I just don't know how this is supposed to be worded. My fiance's father passed away and his mother is remarried. How do I include them all? Do I include them all?

mini-bridezilla moment

lolag — Mon, 05 May 2008 21:47:11 GMT

So here I am, talking to one of my bridesmaids. And I'm looking at her display picture on msn/facebook. And clearly she is wearing the shrug for the wedding. So I ask her about it. And yep, she's wearing it. In fact she wore all on her vacation. :w00t:
Wtf...I told them not to wear their dresses and shrugs before the wedding, lol just to point out what was the obvious to me. But apparantly not to her. I'm sorry I don't want my girls to walking down the aisle in something that looks worn already. grrrr, Should I say something to her, or just leave it be. Because I'm sort of freaking out about this. I mean, I bought it for her to wear at the wedding, not on vaca. Or should I just mention that it should be hand washed. Haha, I don't know how more obvious I can be right now.

Any one else have this problem?

Would you wear your veil to the rehearsal?

Zim — Sun, 04 May 2008 22:01:12 GMT

I am seriously considering this!!

I don't want my fiance to see my dress before the wedding, but I am not superstitious about the veil. It's so fun to wear!! I wear it around the house... but need more opportunities to wear it :D

MORE from his family....when will it end

HappyLily — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:39:56 GMT

Thank goodness for this place, I can vent we can all vent.......Get it all out and whew until the next vent.

So FH forwards me this e-mail from his sister she wants to know why he hasn't asked his brother to be in his wedding party and why did he ask mine before hand. And she then makes sure to point out that I tell her all the time that my brother is in the wedding party and hers isn't. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

FSIL: Grow up! FH is planning on asking FBIL this weekend to be his best man.....Mind your own business. And you asked me who was in FH party and I said once and only once that my brother was.......

FH responded to her saying uh because her brother was leaving the country and I asked him the day before he left. And she told you once not over and over again.....

It drives me nuts, I ask her who is a BRIDESMAID to come with to look at dresses, she is busy, invite her and FMIL to the venue to check it out with me driving and buying lunch or going to the restaurant that is catering the wedding...Again no too busy. I ask her to come with me to look at bridesmaid dresses oh I am too busy.....Then she freaks out in an e-mail, saying that the brother is devastated and she went over to his house for dinner and they talked all about it and why is her brother in it and not our brother and on and on and on!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! And the fun thing is I get to go and sit with his whole family for Mother's Day dinner, well I will just be quiet......

Thanks and sorry for the length.....

Lily not so happy.:crazy:

FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

jwick7 — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:46:39 GMT

Apology for the length......

I know it's not a big deal, but this is so typical of my selfish, childish FFIL. We (FH and I) went and picked out the tuxes, vests, blah blah blah. We sent e mails out to let the guys know they just needed to pop in for the fittings. Well, sure enough, first one in is FFIL. He e mails to let us know that things went great and he chose the chocolate brown vest, so he can match his new wife's outfit.

I almost fell off my chair. First, why would the store let him change that without our approval? I called to ask, but still haven't got a response.

Secondly, how inconsiderate. The ones we chose weren't a suggestion, more of a REQUIREMENT!! Leave it to FFIL to make sure everyone knows he's in control. BAH!

Then i find out his wife hasn't even chosen her outfit yet, and now she's stressed because she has to match his vest.

Ok... so they come over for dinner, and i can't take it anymore. She starts talking about how she needs to go shopping for the brown dress so she can match. I pretend like this is the first i have heard about "browngate" (the code name we now use). I laugh and pretend i think she's kidding. They look at eachother, i pretend to realize they're not kidding. Awkward silence. I ask what happened to the charcoal. FH ABANDONS ME AND LEAVES THE ROOM!! hahaha. FFIL says he doesn't like the charcoal. I tell him that the days of matching your spouse 24/7 are long gone, and perhaps he should consider what the BRIDE AND GROOM wanted for their photos. He chugs his glass of wine, and the conversation is over.

Am i totally crazy to be annoyed by this? Of course there is so much more that has lead up to this, but i just feel like he is so selfish.

I think I'm going to call the tux place and have them change it back, without telling him, and let him find out the day of the wedding. Bahahaha. Cruel?

My first wedding dream!

scraggles — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 06:55:47 GMT

Ok so, did anyone go through a phase where practically EVERY NIGHT you had some sort of wedding dream (something went wrong, being in your dress, at the reception, etc)? Because for a long time I had one of those dreams like every night! My social is this Friday, so I have been having tonnes of social dreams lately, but yesterday, for the first time in forever, I had another wedding dream! I dreamed I had my dress at home and was wearing it around the house when FH came home an saw me in it! Lol! Anyone else care to share their funny dreams?

Can't we all just get along?

andrea18 — Tue, 06 May 2008 13:46:23 GMT

So, we got married on Saturday and I am so thankful that no-one told me that the two families weren't getting along then, because I had a great time.

How do you keep everyone happy? They have completely different personalities and sometimes their senses of humor are highly incompatible, meaning that people don't find things funny, rather they find them insulting. They are both excellent grandparents to our kids and I can't put up with arguing as I feel our kids will see the stress as they get older. There are huge amounts of jealousy. The way one family chooses to spend their money is different than the other family. We went over what both sets of parents gave us for the wedding, and had already arranged to pay everyone back. One family thinks it should be forgiven, the other hasn't said anything of the sort. I feel we should pay it back as they were generous enough to help out with the wedding at all.

DH and I have been talking and have though of a few things to keep people happy, what do you think?

1.Do not discuss one families activities with the other
2.Do not discuss finances with anyone(certain people really like to get involved in ours, and ask us questions and give unsolicited advice)
3.Have family get-togethers every 2 months where NO-ONE assists us, they just show up and enjoy, that way no one feels as though the other is taking over

What do you think? Or should I just live life and wait for it to bite me in a few months.

married in the rain?

scraggles — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:53:37 GMT

Well at our venue we are getting married outside, but in case of any weather thing we can also move it inside. Most people don't know it can move inside so they always ask what we are going to do if it rains. FH always responds that we will then "get married in the rain". Personally I think this would be so sweet! I'm almost half hoping it will rain because it would be really beautiful (It's Friday the 13th lol so it probably will!) But I was wondering if the guests would hate this. It would probablt suck for them to have to sit out there in the rain, like what if it is pouring! Although, our ceremony probably won't take that long. Probably something I won't have to worry about anyway, but what do you think? Would it be beautiful or a pain is the *ss haha.

Wedding ceremony and wedding party

Spigirl — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 10:52:31 GMT

We just had our wedding rehearsal last night and opted to have the wedding party (minus the MOH and BM) stand in the front pew during the ceremony as opposed to standing beside us. Now, it seems that everyone is upset. What did you all do?

Dear.... grow up!

nenid — Tue, 06 May 2008 00:55:35 GMT

I wanted to have one of my cousin's kids in my WP as a junior usher. She declined because she was worried that he wouldn't have supervision when we were taking pictures at the park (1) yes he would have supervision, 2) she's invited to come to the park 3) he's 11 years old) Anyways, I've recently found out that the real reason was because I did not ask her other children to be in the W party as well (she has 5!!!) and she's upset that I've asked multiple children from other families (and not her's). Now I find out she's not coming to my bridal shower (because she doesn't have a sitter - meanwhile I specifically addressed the envelope to her and her kids), and I think she's going to pull a no show at the wedding.

I am deeply hurt and really angry about all of this, especially because I used to visit them all the time (before I started working a million hours each week) and it appears that she's deliberately being hurtful, all because I didn't have all 5 of her kids in the wedding party- I'm really tempted to bring this up to her. What would you do?

House mate issues.

Evan1009 — Fri, 02 May 2008 19:39:55 GMT

So..., I'm an idiot!

A while back MOH/Best friend's boyfriend calls and tells me that he got a job(job only lasts for about 3) months in the city I live in, (there isn't much for jobs in the tiny town they live in and it's about 5 hours away.) And asks if he can stay with us for about a month while he is working, he has a few other places to live but they are leaving to move out so he can't stay there the entire time. So I talk to my fiance and he says he thinks it will be alright, so I tell him sure! You can stay here. He's been here less than a week and I'm already irritated beyond reason, I don't know WHY I thought I could handle having another person in my home, expecially one that I really don't know all that well. And now 4 weeks has turned into 6 weeks and 6 weeks turned into 8 weeks because he moved in here earlier than he had thought he would.

The first night he was here he shaved and left my sink covered with hair when he was done, when I asked him to clean it up instead of apologizing he said, "there's hair in the sink?" and gave me a look and said it like I was being a total btch for saying anything. The agreement was that he pay us an amount of money to cover the utilities he would use, and he would eat dinner and have breakfast of our food but make his own lunches, the other night I come downstairs and he has the oven on at 350 cooking 3 chicken fingers for his lunch and cutting up a bunch of vegetables on my finace's cutting bord that he only ever use for cured meats, he didn't ask, or say a word about what he was doing to either of us! He is ridiculously comfortable here after less than a week, he's did laundry twice in the first 3 days, and has very comfortably used our computer for hours at a time each night, even pestering me to use it while I was online until I let him on! He sits in the livingroom, talking loudly for hours to his g/f, my friend, about their financial issues, and all I've heard about is how she is upset with him about bills he has run up, and it causes a lot of tension in the house to have someone yapping and arguing about their problems after we've been at work all day. I am having so much regret about saying he could stay here, when I saw him in the kitrchen I lost it and told him how I felt about the situation, that he was supposed to be providing his own lunches and, yes the chicken was his, but cooking 3 little peices in a whole oven is a stupid thing to do, is costly, and just bad as far as being energy efficient goes. He says to me "oh I thought you meant I had to just make my own lunches", like what did he think? That I was going to pack his lunch for him? ugh! He leaves rooms a mess and when asked to help with dishes once he got distrated on the phone and quit midway through and I finished them and the other time he asked for us to "save" him some so he could do them later, which is not the way we do things around here, we don't leave our dirty dishes to sit, we clean up right afterwards! So he did get up to help but then kept leaving to go back to my computer to be on the internet at the same time to talk to some friend he is having issues with, and telling me all about it.

We have told him he can stay long enough for him to find another place.

Him and my friend do not keep a clean house, and I do, I take great pride in my home and my friends see me as neurotic, and too picky, and she often cuts me down for the time I spend cleaning, not that I spend THAT much time, I just keep a clean house! She insists it's like a waste of life, and time could be spent on better things, but I don't see a lot of these people who say that doing all these "better things". Now she is in town and hasn't even called me, and our other firend tells me she is irritated with me, and she will be mad if I say anything about it being his habits that is making it difficult for us to live together, that it is just that I am "way too picky". And I am tired of apologising for the way I live to not offend my friends who can't keep a clean house! Yes I am picky, but he should have more respect for OUR home! And it's more than just cleanliness, It's also a lack of privacy.

I have learned my lesson! :crazy:

Another Thank You card question

Sodayah — Thu, 01 May 2008 21:12:50 GMT

I know some people ordered things off my registry and called to tell us, and some ordered off the registry and the store told us who. So do we write thank you cards to the people who we know what they got us even if it hasn't gotten to the store yet. My Aunts mother bought me a piece of our good china and it will take 6-8 weeks to get it into the store, my aunt bought our luggage for us and called to let us know, so do I write the card now and send them or do I wait until they come in and I've picked them up.

Just need to vent

Sodayah — Mon, 05 May 2008 10:38:11 GMT

Okay rant time...

My FSIL is really starting to piss me off. I have tried to be nice to her as she’s FH only sister, I have even tried to include her in the plans for the wedding even though she lives in another city. But this weekend she went to far.

A little background… She went out and bought a really expensive dress for her Grad ball it was Blackish and said she was going to wear it to the wedding, she is one of our bridesmaids, so rather than fight with her I just kept the peace and let her even thought the dress isn’t black it’s grey. Then when the other 5 bridesmaids, my mother and I were going to go out dress shopping I asked her to come into the city to go with us to lunch and then shopping. I asked her over a month in advance, she told me she had a major paper due on Monday and wouldn’t be able to come. I said fine and left it at that. Then the Monday before we are supposed to be going shopping her MSN name changes to “Going to T.O. for a comedy show Thurs night, who wants to come?” I got upset that she couldn’t come in on the Sunday for dress shopping but she could come in 3 days before for the show. I didn’t say anything to her, just to keep the peace.

She comes into town the end of March to an event we had invited her to, and afterwards while we are all sitting around she announces to our friends and us that she is never moving back to Toronto because she can’t live with her father and she doesn’t want to take care of him. Their father is a sever Diabetic who has let it get very bad and only now is dealing with it. I hold my tongue to her and drop her and FH off at the subway. The next day I talk to FH because she is now dumping all the responsibility of her fathers care on us AGAIN!! After I had to get FH out of that house so he could live his own life. He has a short talk with FSIL I refused to speak to her until I calmed down enough to be civil.

My shower invites go out, so after a week I ask FH to call her to find out if she got her invite. She says no. The end of week 2 I send her an MSN msg if she had gotten it, still no. Beginning of week three I send her another msg, still not there. At the end of week 3 I ask again and it’s still not there, so I tell her I’ll give her one when we see her last weekend. I run to my aunts to get another card for her and give it to her on Saturday. Did she once msg and say “hey I know you are having your shower when is it and what are the details?” NO, it fell to me to make sure she knew what was going on.

I dropped FH and her off at the subway on Saturday night and in the car I was talking about wedding plans and the fact that we got another gift from one of my aunts, it was the first time I had a chance to talk to FH all day as he had been working. She apparently called him really upset last night because I made her feel bad that she isn’t more involved in the wedding and I’m not giving her anything to do but everyone else is helping, and I made her feel bad about the fact that people were getting us stuff for the shower and wedding. If she felt bad at that I can’t imagine what’s going to happen on the 18th at the shower when I open the gifts and she sees some of the stuff my family had bought for us, three of my aunts are buying our Henkles knives, one of my aunts bought us 8 place settings and the serving pieces for our every day cutlery, her mother is buying us all 16 place settings of our good silver with the hostess sets, my aunts mother and MIL bought us a large amount of our serving piece for our china… even my sisters bought us a gift not only for our betrothal, and our engagement party but also for the shower.

And when I said that I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go to her graduation in Waterloo (in the morning) because my MOH is graduating the same day in the afternoon, and it didn’t feel right that I was going and her mother who really wants to be there isn’t because she told her she only got two tickets and they were going to her father and brother. FH should be going he paid for most of her tuition and books, but her mother paid the rest and FSIL didn’t tell one side that the other side was helping her, so she was crying poor to every one and because FH and his mother were estranged at that time neither knew what the other was doing. But he just got upset at me for saying that, never mind that I had my university graduation after we were engaged and he missed it because he needed to sleep because eh was working the night shift.

I loaned her a beautiful leather collar with a braided steel inlay that a friend of mine made for me, for her grad ball in the first week in April, she didn’t bother getting it back to me until last Saturday. I was even nice to her this weekend and she claimed I was being hostile towards her and she didn’t know why. I don’t even want to talk to her, I’m so sorry I asked her to be in bridal party, and she is such a pain in the ass. I’m at my whit’s end.

*End Rant*

Thank You card question

paradise83 — Fri, 02 May 2008 16:31:16 GMT

If someone gives us a wedding card, but no gift, do we have to send them a thank you card?

Whos responsible? You or Venue

missdish — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 08:01:27 GMT

If you are having a bar at your wedding, the venue is taking care of the bar (they have made the purchases, bartenders is with them and so on) - whos responsible if something happens to someone, you or the venue?

Need to Vent and on the verg of tears

mpagechall — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 08:51:59 GMT

OK so I really need to vent because I'm on the verge of tears and just very very stressed and starting to wish that I had just done the destination thing....

So the story goes, my mum and dad are paying for my wedding since my fiancee and I are so broke... I really really appreciate it and I love my parents soooo much. But here's the kicker my mum keeps telling how it's my wedding and I should do what makes me happy as long as it's within budget. But everything I've ever brought up she has shot down because "she's paying for it".
Now maybe I'm being unreasonable but this stuff is also causing stress between my fiancee and I cause he can see how upset I'm getting and I can't seem to stand up to her without falling to pieces and becoming an emotional reck.
Here are some of the things that mean alot to me that have been ixnaid(sp?) by my mother.
1. Found out the other day that the hair salon I want my hair done can only do 4 ppls hair because my hairstylist little girl is extremely sick and she can't be there. Well My mum decided that Me, Her, my cousin (who's in the wedding party) and my aunt are getting our hair there and that the rest of my bridal party will have to figure something else out. Well I mentioned that since my hairstylist probably won't be doing my hair thta I'd go with the rest of the party to get my hair done with them. Cause that's the way I wanted things, you know all of us together that way there's no panicing because someone got side tracked. Well Hell no she's paying so I'm going to her salon and that's the end of the story. Fine I can deal with this it's really not THAT big a deal. Also going with this whole hair thing, I have looked through magazines for hair styles and found a couple that I really like but of course she has decided that she doesn't like some therefor it's not going to happen so I might not even be able to get the look I'm look for........ because again if she doesn't like it she just overwrites me.
Then I mention that I want the girls to spend the night at her place with me so we're all together (even though we're not getting our hair done all together). Well my mum freaks out about that saying that there's no way that's happening cause I need to be in bed early and it's just added stress and everyone She's talked to says it's not a good idea. I've tried to explain to her that it's actually going to cause ME more stress having them scattered everywhere but she just doesn't seem to care. It's her way or no way (but remember this is my day and whatever makes Me happy right??)
She also keeps insisting the the photo's between my FH and I should be done in her back yard because of the woods and the fact that Yes they'd make some really cool photos. BUT it's like 15min outta town and we're already stretched for time so I want something closer. I think I may win this one....
The other day FH and I sat down to make up an itinerary for the reception, of course I sent her a copy so she wouldn't just go off on her own and make one on me. Well she's already trying to change things on us. We want to do an entrance (you know have the guests all seated then introduce the wedding party couple and a time then us) well she doesn't want that because of the receiving line, saying that's where everyone will be introduced. I don't like that idea, and again I'll probably win this one but it's just an aurgument I don't need.
So ya there's a few things that really don't even have to do with money but that if it's not her way then she just seems to plow me over not really giving a damned that these things will make my day more enjoyable to me. I have a vision of how I want things, and I'm not unflexable but i'd just like to have something go how I want it...... Anyway go through this and if so any idea's????? :(

Update on hairdresser dilemna....

Shannon20 — Thu, 01 May 2008 10:11:16 GMT

Ok, well if anyone remembers quite a while a go, I had a post about my cousin the hairdresser who booked my wedding along with her other cousin's wedding party to both get our hair done the same time.

There is 7 people getting their hair done in my wedding party, and there is 7 people getting their hair done in the other wedding party. My cousin expected to get both parties done and out of the salon by 11 or so.

So, I do not feel comfortable with this. I just called her to tell her that I thought it would be best if I went elsewhere to get my hair done. Right away she says "you are so anal about your hair!" first off, what does that have to do with this situation?

So, she seemed mad, but I was not going to feel stressed, and rushed just so she could get to the other party.

I feel good that I was finally able to tell her, but I feel horrible that she is mad at me. I have learned a valuable lesson here, never hire family to do things like ths for you. Leave it to outside people.

My FH is just a child

Sodayah — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:29:43 GMT

So a little background my FH hadn't been to see a dentist in about 7 years, in September last year we were at a friends wedding in Ottawa and after the wedding he was complaining of a migraine, so I gave him my migraine meds (over the counter stuff) and put him to bed. He wakes me up at 2:00 am in excruciating pain and he need to go to the hospital, so I get up and ask the hotel clerk where the nearest hospital is and get him over there. I drop him off at the emerge and he tells me to go back to the hotel for some sleep. He calls 2 hours later to be picked up turns out it's an abscessed tooth so they give him a shot of pain killers and antibiotics and send him home with a prescription, and I drive back to Toronto.

I finally get him into see my dentist and we have literally seen him every other week since February 11th. So he knows he needs to have the two teeth that are abscessed removed, and he's been putting it off and putting it off. Well I get a phone call from him on his lunch break not to be alarmed but his tooth is hurting, this was how it started last time. and he thinks it's time to have the tooth removed.

So I get on the phone to the dental office trying to get him an appointment on his only day off next week to have it removed, but we need antibiotics to stop the infection so they can remove it and of course the dentist isn't there. I end up having to call the dentist at the other location get him on the phone and explain that FH tooth has flared up again he's booked to have it removed a week tomorrow and FH needs meds to deal with this for a week. I end up having to get the dentist to call in the prescription, and have to pick it up for FH, ask my parents for the car so I can get him home since I don't know what kind of condition he'll be in afterwards as he's a lot afraid of the dentist and they will have to sedate him before hand.

Why can't he be the responsible adult for once? Why couldn't he have made the appointment and dealt with this before it got really bad again? I am wondering if it is safe to have children with this man as he's a big kid himself.

**end rant**

Could anything else not go right?

sways — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 13:50:00 GMT

Ok so let's get started...

1) FH still doesn't have his full wedding party...yeah i'm LOVING that considering

2) the DJ is giving me a hard time and wants paid $1200 in full up front like right now for a september 27th date!

3) i got screwed outta my limo now and everyone is telling me packages for 5-6 consecutive hours and yet i need 3 pick up and drop offs and THATS IT

4) i can NOT figure out centerpieces and it's driving me crazy insane

5) running out of time to get a venue for the stag n doe and i seem to be the only one bothered by this

6) guestlist 1 is still not done and FH just doesn't seem to be much concerned about it at all, he just figures i'm taking care of EVERYTHING

7) kinda hard to figure out wedding party gifts when we don't even have a full party on his side, my side was figured out within 2 weeks of setting a date

8) i feel like im the ONLY one that really gives a crap about this wedding at all

Walmart.....

Shannon20 — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 08:21:45 GMT

I have been having quite a few issues with the Walmart in my town. I have set up my registry a while ago, but there are still a few things that I want to add. I have been trying to add these things for a while now, and every time I go in there (which is about 3 times a week...lol) either the computer is down, or the gun/scanner is broken. This has been going on for a couple of weeks now.

So, I went to the store at 7:30 this morning, before work, to finish adding the items. (My mom and BM are sending out the shower invitations today) and guess what....the gun is still broken. I was annoyed to say the least. I am trying to spend money at this store, and they are in no hurry or look like they care that they are potentially loosing busienss.

I now have to call my sister in Newmarket to get her to add these things to my registry for me.

I called their head office to file a formal complaint.

The only thing I am worried about is what if when my guests go to print off my registry, the computer will be broken again. Then what will I do???

I am so mad with Walmart....and the fact that Canadian Tire no longer has a registry, my only two options were Sears and Walmart.

Anyone else have any problems with Walmart and their registry???

And, I come to work this morning, and the e-mail server is down...today is not going to be a good day!!

Vent: Fathor of the bride

Samcat — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:05:50 GMT

I just need to vet a bit about my father. He and I have always been really close (I've been "Daddy's Little Girl" since I was born), but it seems my wedding has done nothing but strain our relationship. We both have different ideas about what my wedding should be. He comes from a very traditional European background (He is Ukranian and my stepmom is Italian).

We have fought about EVERY SINGLE aspect of the wedding, and most of our converstations have either ended with me in tears or hanging up on him. The other day he crossed a line. He told me my guest list needed to be larger, and I said FH and I cannot afford to invite any more people. He told me I was looking at things all wrong and that I should be inviting people based on how much money they would put in the cards. He said that my wedding is like "a business transaction". You write the guestlist based on how much people will pay.

WHAT THE HELL???

I lost it on him. I could care less about gifts. That is not why I am having a wedding. I have a lot of family and friends who are struggling financially (really, isn't everyone nowadays?) and I would not EXPECT anything from them except to show up and enjoy the night. I'm not having a wedding to make money. I'm having a wedding to share FH's and I's love with family and friends. And now matter how I tried to explain this to my faither, he said I was wrong. He then said he had no idea why I was so upset. Hence, convo ending with hanging up the phone on him.

Oh, and to add to things, he has said many times that he honestly thinks the wedding won't happen because FH and I have a history of not following through on things. WHAT??? This is a wedding. It is completely different from anything else that ever came before that. We have booked everything. We have been together 11 years! I'm trying to figure out how he can say it is not going to happen...

I called my mom and she is totally reasonable and logical and said he was just being an idiot and that was how he was raised. She said he treated their wedding the same way. But she said I had every right to be hurt by his comments.

At this rate, if dad keeps this up, I'm not even sure I want HIM there.

Anyway, I just needed to vent. Not really asking for anything other than maybe a smile or a hug. Thanks for listening ladies.

FH Family..........................

HappyLily — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:55:13 GMT

I was just wondering if anyone else is going through this....My FH's family is not showing any interest at all in our wedding.....I don't mean the entire family, I mean his parents whom I thought atleast his mom would want to help out with ideas of who we should invite from their side or some interest at all. One of his sisters who is a bridesmaid, who has asked me maybe once how things are...Each time I try and get her to come and look at dresses for the bridesmaids she is too busy....I have asked her and her mom to come along to the restaurant who is catering our food to have lunch to check it out and I have asked them to come out to the venue which is in Niagara on the Lake and nothing.

When I asked the mom if she wanted to have some input she told me and rudely that she didn't want to have anything to do with the wedding....

So do I just go and chose the bridesmaids dresses without her? I just don't get it, we see them once in a while and FH is always helping them out with their things, he is an accountant ....

Last time I saw his parents I made butter chicken the night before, I like to let it sit overnight in the fridge tastes great, anyway I was about to make the rice and she said oh we are here for business only not lunch?

Our wedding is coming up fast this September....Should I just chuck it up to well that's the way they are? My father lives in Miami, Florida, my mom is out of province and my brother is in London, England and they are always asking us what they can do and so on....I don't know maybe it is just me and I am being silly.............................

Happy Lily

Unmotivated Groom

kinenurse — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:28:47 GMT

I need advice on how to motivate my fiance. We are two months away from our wedding and there is still tons of stuff left to do. In the beginning of wedding planning he was completely involved. He helped pick the venue, the photographer and DJ. He has a tendency to procrastinate in general so when we began to plan I knew that I would likely have to do most of the planning and diy projects. But, I had no idea it would get this bad. I had him make a list of things he would be interested in being involved with in the beginning so I wouldn't bore him with the details. But even things he said he was interested in he has not been motivated to do. Two primary examples-the ceremony musicians and designing the invitations. I have had to nag and nag to get it done- he has had over 4 months to do it and its still only partially done. I have talked, emailed, and cried numerous times. I am getting tired of my own voice. He is well aware of how I feel and what I expect. I have set deadlines that have come and gone. What is the most bothersome to me is realizing that this will likely be behaviour that goes beyond wedding plan. I have started to loose interest in planning; it has become a source of unhappiness and stress. If I had known it would have got to this point I would have settled for a small wedding-too late now. My question is has anyone else experience this? Any advice?

my poor moh

navywife2b — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 17:01:15 GMT

Not sure what to do? My best friend and moh was dumped by her fiance of 6 weeks(and bf of 5yrs) for no apparent reason(poor girl had purchased dress that weekend). She is understandably devastated and I have been there for her(the best that i can being in another province).

My problem is that i dont want to upset her or rub salt in the wounds talking about my wedding. I am going home for a visit in june and was planning on bridesmaid dress shopping, but fear this is too soon.

I am not sure if i should ask her if she still wants the responsibility of moh, or if she wants to step down?

Need to vent

TerryDan — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 08:50:30 GMT

Well to start we got engaged on Valentines last year, and have taken it a little slow in planning the wedding. *not my choice* Anyways as the year mark is drawing closer, the crazies are coming out.
Where it all started to go downhill:
March 2007: Great uncle dies.
March 2007: FH falls on the ice at work and breaks his elbow.
May 2007: Groomsman gets killed in a car crash
June 2007: FH gets hit by a car, and hurts his back. *Still not back to work*
Mid-June 2007: Dumba$$ friends get in a yelling match with me, and tells me that FH should have picked her husband as a groomsman instead of my brother. *They didn't include FH in their wedding, but that is not why we didn't pick him!*
July 2007: Doctor puts me on stress leave, and treats me for depression.
August 2007: Work fires me while still on stress leave. Yeah that was legal, NOT!
September 2007: FH told, his back is not good, and to hope no more damage is done to it because he may never walk again if more damage is done.
Oh, and my ex-employer tells EI that I quit ($#**!@!!!)
October 2007: Finally work everything out with EI and I am found in the right.
November 2007: Things are starting to look up.
December 2007: Evil Aunt goes off on me, tells me that my 'rents shouldn't pay for my wedding, and that I should stop talking about the wedding because it is not important.
January 2008: Mom goes with me to the bridal show, partially, I think, because she feels guilty that my Aunt said all that. But loving the renewed interest from mom.
Mid-January 2008: Got accepted to school, and started classes. Decided to only look at wedding stuff when there was no homework. YEAH!!! No more crappy jobs.
February 2008: Cool uncles dies suddenly. Have to call parents, brother and sister to let them know. Parents are in Jamaica: Day 3.
Mid-February 2008: FH tells me that he doesn't want to put someone in the groomsman place. I agree, but he wants me to get rid of my cousin on myside so there is even numbers. Mind you she only calls when she wants something, like her hair done, and tells me that I am not a good person.
Late February 2008: Dumba$$ friends say that we should put the "Nonsense" behind us, and that I was in the wrong. Am I a bad person for standing up for myself??
March 2008: Pastor at church decides to step down. Reason why we picked the church.
Mid-March 2008: Evil Aunt attacks again. Tells me again that my wedding is not important, and that we shouldn't we getting married, because we don't have enough money. Also continues to tell me that her "perfect" son is planning on getting married, and that should be the next wedding.
April 2008: Actually last night, mom tells me that I shouldn't have a wedding that cost more than $5000.00 because they want to go to Hawaii with Evil Aunt... HRMMMM... Wonder who influence that was? The dinner alone is going to cost $4500, and my mom told me that I should invite the cousin's, and leave my friends out. Some of my friends have really stuck my us, while evil aunts daughter tried repeatedly to break FH and I up...

I am so tired of all this. The fun and enjoyment of planning the wedding has turned to heart ache. FH and I want to pay for the wedding ourselves but do not have the money or credit to do so. :crying: I just want to elope, but FH wants a big wedding. What do I do?

Thank you cards

Sodayah — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 15:49:20 GMT

I was wondering how long you have to send out thank you cards from the shower and the wedding? I always thought it was 3 months, my sister insists that it is one month.