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RE: My Mother is on my case!

jjf — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 12:20:52 GMT

Natalie - have you joined in on the Weight Loss Support Thread? It might be a great idea for you...I am assuming that since you have tried Nutri System etc. you are looking to slim down a little and the rest of us on that thread are too. I have found it to be really supportive and also serve like an accountability system where you weight yourself each week and find out what works for you and others. Some tips I have read as I too am trying to loose some weight are 1) stop eating when you don't feel hungry any longer 2) remember that you eat 30% more food on average than your body needs 3) drink lots of water all day long and try to speard out your calorie throughout the day instead of eating a huge meal at night (that is my problem). I hope that your mom lays off of you and you decide how to handle your weight on your own. There is also an article I read that says that saying certain phrases to yourself each day helps to retrain your brain to burn fat more effectively. I have it on my fridge..I guess it is the whole mind over matter idea but I believe if you think you are going to fail, you will. Have a great weekend and take care of yourself.

JJF :w00t:

RE: My Mother is on my case!

joanig — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 09:13:26 GMT

I think you have a clone of my mother lol. Nothing is ever good enough for her? Well the only way to deal with that is don't (or at least try) not to let her get a rise out of you!! I moved 800+ miles away from mine....that helps lol. Don't be depressed. I weigh around the same as you, never weighed this much before!! If you want to lose weight then do it for you! She will be happy and proud of you no matter what, i promise , our mothers just don't know how to say it to us!! She will tell her friends ,family etc but never me!! Accepting that made a big difference in our relationship! I try to ignore it and she does get a rise out of me and then we will have a fight , then it is over for that round lol.My mother gets a lot of yes Mom's from me...that also helps.:hehe:

RE: My Mother is on my case!

NatalieP — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 20:47:05 GMT

Thank you everyone for your support.

I just wanted to answer some of your questions...

My ideal weight is between 130-140... that is the weight I look best, is the most healthy and the weight my mother (and i) would like for me to be at.
I now weigh 220.
I am 5'6".
I have a food addiction, I Just love food and don't know when to stop!
I was on Nutri System and doing well, however, as soon as I cheated, it was all over... and gained back 5 of the 7 lbs i lost.
My mother and I live about 30 minutes from eachother, and doing exercises or walks with her would be great.... if we could get along for more than 5 minutes.

If it's not my weight she's picking on, then it's money....... "Do you want to live in a one bedroom forever?"... "well then pay off your debt"... blah blah blah.

I love my mother to death, but she drives me absolutely crazy...

and EL i know you are right that she is doing it because she loves me and has my best interest at heart... but i know i embarrass her and that really upsets me... I want my mom to be proud of me, I don't want her to be embarrassed by me and my weight.... man this is depressing.

RE: My Mother is on my case!

jjf — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 14:27:14 GMT

Nat - what would she consider a good weight for you?? How much would you have to loose?? Is she being totally unrealistic? Maybe she does not even realize how crazy she is sounding? I looked at you pics too and think you look great. It actually angered me when I saw your pic because you are perfect. As for what you look like now...who cares??? Your FH loves you for you

JJF :w00t:

RE: My Mother is on my case!

joanig — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:21:28 GMT

ok, I have the same Mom she has been on my back all my life,lol(she is not a small person either but she did have 7 of us so......). I am not even close to the weight that I was when my FH proposed and he makes comments re my health(not being mean in anyway!!). Tell Mom to lay off (nicely), but also IF YOU want to lose weight and live close to her then go for walks with her, make plans with her to do things that are healthy and good for both of you. She may just be concerned about your health and doing things with her will make both of you feel good and most importantly SHUT HER UP!!! lol My Mom is so happy that we are finally getting married she hasn't said one word yet! lol;)

RE: My Mother is on my case!

tiedye — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:00:40 GMT

Are you happy with yourself, Natalie?? If not then change for yourself. Don't do it for your Mom...and don't let her continue to hurt your feelings. Your FH loves you and that's all that matters.

RE: My Mother is on my case!

NatalieP — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:01:44 GMT

Just to clear things up...... MY FH thinks I'm beautiful no matter what!
And the pictures that I posted aren't recent :blush:

RE: My Mother is on my case!

tiedye — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 08:32:22 GMT

Ok Natalie...I completely understand where you are coming from!!

My Mom has been on my case for my entire life to lose weight....when I was in high school I was chubby...not really fat though...and she made me feel bad about myself then...always telling me to lose weight...but of course I didn't...then over the course of the last 9 years since graduating, I've gained A LOT of weight... some of it due to illness and needing to take steroids to fix the illness...but regardless...I've gained a lot of weight...and she's always been on my case....

"why are you eating that?" or " if you lose 40 lbs, I'll buy you a new outfit" or "I'm not buying you clothes ever again unless you lose weight" or this one's the best yet " I'll pay for your wedding dress, if you lose enough for it to be 3 sizes smaller!"

I used to take it from her...every single time....and I'd get off the phone (we live in different cities) and cry into FH's arms....then finally he got fed up and told me that I NEED to tell my mother what she's doing to me....

So...I did....I told her that harping on me to lose weight does NOT help me lose weight...it doesn't make me want to lose weight, it doesn't make me feel any better about myself to give me motivation to lose weight, it doesn't make me feel like I can succeed at losing weight...all it does is give me a negative self-image that makes me feel depressed...and when I'm depressed, I want to eat! So, in turn her harping was having a reverse effect on me!

She has since stopped, and I can't say that I've lost any weight...but at least I don't have to listen to her anymore....I mean...I'm fat...I'm not a bad person...I'm still her daughter....she just needs to love me the way I am....

BTW- she was looking through some old photo's....and said to me...."you were so pretty back then.....I can't believe how thin you were" to which I said " well back then you didn't tell me I was thin, you told me to lose weight" That shut her up quickly! lol

RE: My Mother is on my case!

spotlight — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 08:24:59 GMT

Nat--> Sorry to hear about all the negative people around you but I thought you were doing the nutrisystem and having some pretty good results? Did you slip up?

RE: My Mother is on my case!

dansfiance — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 08:09:12 GMT

do whatever makes you happy.. you have our support here if you need to vent some more!

RE: My Mother is on my case!

dansfiance — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 08:08:48 GMT

[quote][b]MrsMtobe (4/11/2006)[/b][hr][quote][b]NatalieP (4/11/2006)[/b][hr]Ok here's the deal.
My mother's been on my case about my weight for about 5 years... granted I have gained a lot of weight, but still!
She and my father are paying for the majority of my wedding, however, she is now continually saying "if you don't lose weight, there is not going to be a wedding!"
Is anyone else going through this?
I cannot afford to pay for my own wedding, so that's not an option.
I would love to lose the weight too, but I feel this added pressure that is unnecessary.

Please help me!
- Fat Bride to Be[/quote]

Natalie .. tell the woman to lay off. Adding pressure and making comments wont help the weight come off any faster. I cant stand when ppl do that to an over weight person.

How dare she say that there wont be a wedding if you dont lose weight? Did your FH say this to her? Does he even think like that? If he doesnt care, get him to tell your mom to lay off and that he loves you no matter what.

Hugs !![/quote]I agree that you should tell her to lay off... but I also understand that some things are easier said than done!

RE: My Mother is on my case!

everlovin — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 06:53:54 GMT

[quote][b]everlovin (4/12/2006)[/b][hr][quote][b]kruk (4/12/2006)[/b][hr]You know what? You need to lose weight for you. Not for your mum. Not for your FH. I'm sorry, but these two seem to be awfully shallow and judgemental of you. Have you ever put them in their places, or have you let them treat you like this? You don't deseve it, Natalie! I have seen your photo and you are not fat. You are a very pretty girl. These people are so toxic! Please take care of yourself.

hugs and kisses[/quote]

Kruk, I didn't read any reference to Nat's FH. I think it is just her mom that's at the crux of this.

EL[/quote]

Ooops. Looks like the MOD beat me to it. Well, normally I would apologize but since I am fighting with Kruk at the moment she can go get stuffed.

RE: My Mother is on my case!

everlovin — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 06:50:14 GMT

[quote][b]kruk (4/12/2006)[/b][hr]You know what? You need to lose weight for you. Not for your mum. Not for your FH. I'm sorry, but these two seem to be awfully shallow and judgemental of you. Have you ever put them in their places, or have you let them treat you like this? You don't deseve it, Natalie! I have seen your photo and you are not fat. You are a very pretty girl. These people are so toxic! Please take care of yourself.

hugs and kisses[/quote]

Kruk, I didn't read any reference to Nat's FH. I think it is just her mom that's at the crux of this.

RE: My Mother is on my case!

everlovin — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 06:47:59 GMT

[quote][b]MrsMtobe (4/12/2006)[/b][hr]EL I agree with almost everything you said .. however except for this part:

Therefore, she has

decided to blackmail you with the

wedding, in the hopes that you will

come to terms with this problem and

actually try to do something about

it.

That just isnt right!! Blackmailing a person will not motivate them to do anything, least of all to lose weight. If natalie's FH has no issues with her weight (which at this point we don't know if he does or doesnt) then why should her mother be pressuring her to lose weight? [/quote]

M-gurl,

It is definitely not right and if

my post indicated that I was

endorsing this plan in any way, then

that would be an incorrect take on my

words. I was simply pointing out

WHAT her mom was doing. And I

agree with everything you say about

Natalie's mindset. The decision must

come from her and I thought I made

that clear in my post.

RE: My Mother is on my case!

kruk — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 01:55:55 GMT

[quote][b]MrsMtobe (4/12/2006)[/b][hr][quote][b]kruk (4/12/2006)[/b][hr]You know what? You need to lose weight for you. Not for your mum. Not for your FH. I'm sorry, but these two seem to be awfully shallow and judgemental of you. Have you ever put them in their places, or have you let them treat you like this? You don't deseve it, Natalie! I have seen your photo and you are not fat. You are a very pretty girl. These people are so toxic! Please take care of yourself.

hugs and kisses[/quote]

Kruk, it is only her mom doing this .. not her FH.[/quote]

ohhhh sorry I must have confused her with someone else! my bad. sorry

RE: My Mother is on my case!

MrsMtobe — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 01:15:40 GMT

hugs and kisses[/quote]

Kruk, it is only her mom doing this .. not her FH.

RE: My Mother is on my case!

leggebride — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 01:08:18 GMT

wow!! This is a touchy topic.. thats for sure. If there is one thing I know.. its that you have to do what makes you happy. You could always say to your mom.. " MOM. I love you and respect you.. your opinions mean an awful lot to me.. however.. I am happy with me and that should be all that matters." if in fact that is the case. I am big girl .. but I will tell you this.. my fiance fell in love with me this way.. I was big when I met him and he is still here. You don't have to be slim and fit to be beautiful. I will not change me because someone doesn't like the way I look.. granted your mom is probably concerned..like most mothers would be. If you are uncomfortable with the way you look then do something about it.. don't listen to someone else's pressure.. then you will be doing it for the wrong reasons.. and it will NOT work. My mom pressures me too.. she even told my kids to not let me eat chocolate anymore.. THATS NICE!! NO.. I told my mom.. to back off.. and that I am a grown women that is comfortable in her own skin. It would benefit you if you sat down with your mom and told her how it made you feel. I wish you all the best.. and I agree I have seen your pics.. you are NOT FAT! Hunny.. do whats best for you.. take of YOU!!

RE: My Mother is on my case!

jjf — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 00:47:48 GMT

Talk about unnecessary stress. I think your mother is projecting her negative body issues she feels about herself perhaps onto you which is so wrong. Have you said to her that love is unconditional and your FH propsed to you the way you are? If you want to loose a little weight before your wedding or before your next birthday or whenever, do it for you. And tell your mom to stop threatening you as that is cruel. Don't be afraid to say what you are feeling and use words that adequately reflect your feeling. My mom once said to me that my FH would never propse until I stopped smoking and lost 20 pounds. Well, I stopped smoking, Fh propsed..not for that reason obviously and since being engaged, I have lost weight through diet and exercise and still have 20 to loose but I am doing it for me. I reminder her about what she said to me and how much it hurt my feelings just recently and I told her that it is really sad that a mother would say such a thing to a child and that when I do have children, I would make sure never to say such a thing. My mom has battled her yo-yo weight for a long time and these are her issues and maybe your moms, not yours or mine. Hugs to you Natalie and please don't be crazy. If you are anything like me, you may loose weight from stress alone.

JJF :w00t:

RE: My Mother is on my case!

kruk — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 00:16:31 GMT

You know what? You need to lose weight for you. Not for your mum. Not for your FH. I'm sorry, but these two seem to be awfully shallow and judgemental of you. Have you ever put them in their places, or have you let them treat you like this? You don't deseve it, Natalie! I have seen your photo and you are not fat. You are a very pretty girl. These people are so toxic! Please take care of yourself.

hugs and kisses

RE: My Mother is on my case!

MrsMtobe — Wed, 12 Apr 2006 00:06:00 GMT

EL I agree with almost everything you said .. however except for this part:

Therefore, she has

decided to blackmail you with the

wedding, in the hopes that you will

come to terms with this problem and

actually try to do something about

it.

RE: My Mother is on my case!

everlovin — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 23:57:47 GMT

[quote][b]NatalieP (4/11/2006)[/b][hr]Ok here's the deal.
My mother's been on my case about my weight for about 5 years... granted I have gained a lot of weight, but still!
She and my father are paying for the majority of my wedding, however, she is now continually saying "if you don't lose weight, there is not going to be a wedding!"
Is anyone else going through this?
I cannot afford to pay for my own wedding, so that's not an option.
I would love to lose the weight too, but I feel this added pressure that is unnecessary.

Please help me!
- Fat Bride to Be[/quote]

Ok lard-a s s. lol So what's really

going on here? Why is it that you

have been putting on this weight

for the past five years? You obviously

aren't oblivious to it. Are you happy

about your current appearance? If

not, then just how unhappy are YOU?

I think your mom really has your

best interests at heart here. She has

seen you struggling to a degree but

she hasn't seen any firm commitment

coming from you to try and modify

your lifestyle. In my opinion, she is

now at a loss on how she can help

motivate you to lose the weight she

knows you should lose to be healthy

and to look your very best on your

wedding day. Therefore, she has

decided to blackmail you with the

wedding, in the hopes that you will

come to terms with this problem and

actually try to do something about

it.

Don't blame her. Don't be angry. She

is on your side and obviously loves

you. However, the decision to

actually do this must come from

inside you. The day you stand

naked in front of a full length mirror

and tell yourself that you don't want

to look like this anymore is the day

you will find the strength to put

yourself into the hands of pros who

can help you. It isn't easy. Losing

weight is one of the toughest things

to do because we all want rapid but

easy weight loss. That isn't safe nor

is it wise. It took you years to put

those bulges, rolls and jiggly areas

onto your body and you should spend

months taking them off.

It's all about changing what you eat,

how you eat and weight training

combined with cardio. Anything less

is a recipe for disaster. There are no

magic bullets here. Just hard work

and commitment. Good luck.

RE: My Mother is on my case!

MrsMtobe — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 23:52:12 GMT

Please help me!
- Fat Bride to Be[/quote]

Natalie .. tell the woman to lay off. Adding pressure and making comments wont help the weight come off any faster. I cant stand when ppl do that to an over weight person.

Hugs !!

My Mother is on my case!

NatalieP — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 23:39:00 GMT

Ok here's the deal.
My mother's been on my case about my weight for about 5 years... granted I have gained a lot of weight, but still!
She and my father are paying for the majority of my wedding, however, she is now continually saying "if you don't lose weight, there is not going to be a wedding!"
Is anyone else going through this?
I cannot afford to pay for my own wedding, so that's not an option.
I would love to lose the weight too, but I feel this added pressure that is unnecessary.

Please help me!
- Fat Bride to Be