InstantForum.NET v4.1.4CanadianBride.com Talkboardshttp://forums.canadianbride.com/bounce@canadianbride.comFri, 29 Aug 2008 23:28:40 GMT20http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxstupid boysSat, 15 Apr 2006 18:20:07 GMTcrysandjimhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspx<FONT color=#bb5555>I agree with Natalie.......this is a weird guy thing that happens and I've noticed it usually comes from the ones who were somewhat controlling when you were in a relationship with them.</FONT></P><P><FONT color=#bb5555>Your loyalty needs to be with your FH....of course you don't need to be mean when you tell the ex this, but you do need to be clear.</FONT> Fri, 14 Apr 2006 11:26:41 GMTsweetpea61http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspx<FONT face="Arial Black" color=#111199 size=2>Don't take this the wrong way, but he probably doesn't "<FONT color=#ff1111>love</FONT>" you the way he says he does... he's just jealous!<BR>I wouldn't worry about it.<BR>If he's your friend, then he will understand.</FONT></P><P><FONT face="Arial Black" color=#111199 size=2>You're happy with FH, don't let an ex ruin it</FONT>Fri, 14 Apr 2006 11:10:22 GMTLawlerhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxYou ladies are sweet...</P><P>Trust me FH is always at the top of any of my lists. I just don't like to hurt people. Oddly enough tho... telling the ex kinda made me laugh a little inside and enjoy that he'll never have what he wants. Okay a lil evil I know... but still quite fun.Fri, 14 Apr 2006 08:09:27 GMTScotBridehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxBoth FH and I are still friends with a few of our ex's in fact I've been out for coffee with one of his and she is totally invited to the wedding and I hope she attends. I have an ex who I msn regularly and is still in love with me and FH knows all about it. My ex has been my best friend since we were 13 and is fully aware that I don't like the person I am when we are together (the opposite of FH and I) and that's why things would never work between us. There is ABSOLUTELY NO chance of us EVER getting back together.</P><P>If my ex ever did or said anything to make my FH uncomfortable with our relationship he would get a warning and a second ocurance I would regrettably break off our friendship. As long as he treats you and FH with the respect you both deserve I don't see where the problem lies.</P><P>FH and I have very open communication and neither of us give the other reason to be jealous. I think as long as everyone knows the situation and their place within it there won't be a problem until someone tries to over step their boundaries.Fri, 14 Apr 2006 03:35:11 GMTColeKhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspx[quote][b]fascha (4/12/2006)[/b][hr]Crystal, I can see why you don't want to hurt his feelings, but I think you shoudl definately tell him that you're totally not interested right away. The more time goes by; the more he might feel like you're torn about the "descision" and then he might even be more dissapointed. I would tell him right away that it's a no...<P>And 3 ex's all professing their love to you???? What's your seceret? Beer flavoured nipples??? :D[/quote]<P>LMAO @ beer flavoured nipples!!! hahahaha too funny!!<P>I'd also tell the guys right away and the 1 you are close to, I'd say something like: I'm sorry, but things happened for a reason. We are friends now, and I'd like for us to continue as friends even after I'm married, so no more talk about love between us, ok.... I love my fiance and only him!Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:07:42 GMTMrsMtobehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspx<FONT size=3>Baaaaaaaah! I just went back and read your update...</FONT></P><P><FONT size=3>Awesome that it's all settled, then! Kudos to you! :D</FONT>Wed, 12 Apr 2006 17:53:12 GMTAlanaBananahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspx<FONT size=3>I think it's more important to think about your FH's feelings than your ex's feelings. <FONT color=#dd33dd>You're getting MARRIED.</FONT> If you're going to be a wife, you need to start acting like it.</FONT></P><P><FONT size=3>Let this ex know without a lick of doubt that you are unavailable now and for the next ten thousand years; that you're completely in love with and comitted to the man you intend to marry, and nobody else.</FONT></P><P><FONT size=3>Sorry if this sounds harsh, but from you OP, it doesn't sound to me like you're taking this near seriously enough. You're engaged now. Your FH's heart is in your hands. It's sweet you wanna protect this guy's feelings, but you need to remember who's first on the priority list.</FONT></P><P><FONT size=3>Best of luck.</FONT></P><P>:PWed, 12 Apr 2006 17:51:22 GMTAlanaBananahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxyou dated. you broke up. you both moved on with your lives. suddenly one day he learns you are getting married (which equals unattainable) and that makes him suddenly decide he loves you and cannot live without you. umm, he's been living without you this long hasn't he? he didn't feel a need to express his undying love when you broke up did he? how about after every time you dated someone? how about the time you spend with your fh - did the ex need to try to win you back then?</P><P>i'd say you have two choices ...</P><P>(1) very simply put it to him that the past is past and you are getting married to this man and are not having second thoughts about the marriage for any reason (including his sudden undying love for you that only existed apparently <U>after</U> learning you are now permanently not available to him) and that he just has to live with that. - hey, he had his chance when he had you and blew it. if it took you marrying another man for him to suddenly decide he cannot live without you then he can live just fine without you.</P><P>or</P><P>(2) dump your fiance and go running back to your ex</P><P>stringing the ex along to spare his feelings will only get his hopes up and dash them in the dirt when to go ahead with the wedding and will just hurt him more than an honest and strait forward answer.Wed, 12 Apr 2006 17:28:16 GMTmombridehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxMy ex asked me if he was invited to the wedding... Which was kinda weird!! We still chat once in a while, but for me too, it would be too awkward to have him there...</P><P>I'm glad your ex understood your situation and I hope he will remain a good friend of yours. Wed, 12 Apr 2006 15:57:27 GMTKiKiLondonhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxThanks ladies... now bigger and better things... like trying on my gown with my veil tonight! Woohoo!Wed, 12 Apr 2006 14:14:43 GMTScotBridehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxthat must have been hard, I'm glad it's over and you don't have to worry about it any longer!Wed, 12 Apr 2006 14:12:26 GMTfaschahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxwell, I'm glad you worked up enough courage to talk to your best friend.. *hugs*Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:41:27 GMTdansfiancehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxI have to admit to being a bit evil and loving the attention I'm getting. hehehe</P><P>Doesn't matter... I called him today before he left for work and we talked. I'm flattered, I love him too but not in the same way I love FH. He seemed upset but happy for me and whomever said he just was envious of what FH &amp; I have is correct... he even admitted it on the phone! Looks like we're still gonna be friends but I've also asked him to quietly not attend my wedding as I think it's a little more awkward than I'm prepared for.</P><P>Oh, and FH does know the whole story... he watched one of my exes hit on me at Christmas last year. He's secure enough in himself and our relationship to trust that it's not going any further. I have some messed up exes in my life... lol. I try and remain friends with all of them but the guy who hit on me infront of FH... officially been cut off and cut out of my life. *sigh* Why does everything have to be so complicated...</P><P>Anyhow, it's over now. Thanks for the advice ladies. I knew all along I'd have to speak up but worried about how to do it without severely damaging our friendship. Yeah silly I know but we've been friends since kindergarten.</P><P>Thanks again...Wed, 12 Apr 2006 12:17:50 GMTScotBridehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxI agree, I think some exs start to really like the idea of 'you' when you are no longer available. They seem to forget the reason why you broke up in the first place. Why would he wait until now to tell you this? Because he knows this is his last chance and he is thinking about you as a mate because you will soon be off his list of possible mates! <br>I would be honest and direct. Otherwise I agree with another poster you are misleading him into thinking that you are actually thinking about that relationship. Unless you are and that is a whole other can of worms!Wed, 12 Apr 2006 11:01:44 GMTjulesmchttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspx<FONT size=2>Doesn't the guy realize that he has no chance........ considering that you are GETTING MARRIED afterall?! lol! I think it's kinda cute.... but hopefully the guy is smart enough to realize that since you are getting married to another guy, you are obviously not into him. I would probably just remind him everytime that he decides to "profess his feelings" to you that you are engaged, and you are getting married, and that's the bottom line.</FONT></P><P><FONT size=2>By the way...... is your FH aware of all of this? My FH would freak out if I were good friends with an ex who is still in love with me!! :P</FONT>Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:29:35 GMTicyweddinghttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxI personally don't believe in keeping ex boyfiends around. How do you think your FH would feel if he heard this crap. Tell the guy your getting married and that you can't believe he would even tell you something so ridiculous at a time like this. I would also tell him to take a hike that you dont' see a spot for him in your life with your FH and him. You might want to say it a little nicer. I would also let your FH know about this. If you don't deal with this ASAP you are leading him on. It needs to be snapped in the butt right away. Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:20:42 GMTMaehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxThis has happened so many times to friends of mine who have gotten engaged (hmmm, not me, I wonder why?? what's wrong with me?? what's wrong with my ex's??? lollllllll). I think sometimes it's not just that they're still in love with you... often they seem to be in love with the idea of such a wonderful relationship. Seeing somebody they know in a good, solid, happy relationship, taking the next step in life, well, it just seems to make people look at their own life and want to make it better somehow. They start looking around at people in their life who would fit into that. There's no easy way to let somebody down who has said that to you, but you just have to tell him that he deserves somebody who will make him as happy as your fh makes you.Wed, 12 Apr 2006 10:01:06 GMTapril28http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxReally do have to agree with all that's been said. If you wait he will probably think he might have a chance, so you should just sit him down and tell him the truth. Maybe that's what he needs to hear to move on in his own life?? What's he hanging on to that you were able to let go?Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:35:48 GMTlily2009http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspx[quote][b]fascha (4/12/2006)[/b][hr]Crystal, I can see why you don't want to hurt his feelings, but I think you shoudl definately tell him that you're totally not interested right away. The more time goes by; the more he might feel like you're torn about the "descision" and then he might even be more dissapointed. I would tell him right away that it's a no...<P>And 3 ex's all professing their love to you???? What's your seceret? Beer flavoured nipples??? :D[/quote]Beer flavour.. nice.. lolWed, 12 Apr 2006 09:27:27 GMTdansfiancehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxCrystal, I can see why you don't want to hurt his feelings, but I think you shoudl definately tell him that you're totally not interested right away. The more time goes by; the more he might feel like you're torn about the "descision" and then he might even be more dissapointed. I would tell him right away that it's a no...</P><P>And 3 ex's all professing their love to you???? What's your seceret? Beer flavoured nipples??? :DWed, 12 Apr 2006 09:17:21 GMTfaschahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxI know how you feel... an ex-best friend would say he loves me when I've started to go out with a guy.. more inopportune time.. so I had to sit him down and tell him that we're not going to be anything other than friends.. now he just doesn't talk to me.. but that's because I moved in with Dan .. he doens't know I'm getting married yet, but I understand how you feel.. you should tell him that you're getting married and although it's flattering to hear, nothing is going to come out of it. You're married your FH and that's final.Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:17:06 GMTdansfiancehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxI just don't like hurting friends. Especially not when I'm so happy. *sigh*</P><P>I try and be a people pleaser... done it my entire life.Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:11:15 GMTScotBridehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxFrom experience I'd say he will be hurt either way, but thats not your problem anymore.Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:05:22 GMTchrisdannhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic11300-6-1.aspxOkay so I think that this is getting ridiculous...</P><P>Since we announced the wedding and started sending out invites 3 exes of mine have decided that they love me and just never realized it until now! UGH! My feeling is there is a reason why we broke up and I'm extremely happy now and they should move on.<BR><BR>No problem saying that to 2 of them... but 1 is still a really really close friend and I don't wanna destroy his feelings. I don't think there is any way to "let him down gently" on this... is there?<BR><BR>I'm conflicted... can't do anything but so flattered and don't want to hurt him.Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:02:04 GMTScotBride