CanadianBride.com Talkboards / CanadianBride.com Talkboard / Conflicts & Etiquette / Dont know what to do / Latest Posts

RE: Dont know what to do

julia56 — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 19:25:24 GMT

I'm happy for you that you have been able to come to a decision that you both are happy with. And even if you do have to buy a new dress, what's the difference if the final budget is a little bit over :) It's just money!

RE: Dont know what to do

malya — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 18:13:47 GMT

I thought I would let everyone know that my sister and I have come to a conclusion to this... She is going to be in the wedding party. Im happy about that, I truly am. If my niece (her daughter) doesn't grow too much in the next year then she has a dress we can use for the wedding and I am going to pay for Randy (nephew) to rent the Tux. If the dress doesn't fit Kaitlyn (niece) then her and I are going to have a 'girls day' just the two of us to find her the perfect dress. I figured it doesn't matter how much more money I have to spend. She's my oldest sister! I want her in my wedding no matter what. I was being selfish. Thanks to all that helped me sort things out.

Jess

RE: Dont know what to do

heather972 — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 11:22:43 GMT

I think Jenn has the right idea, but it all depends, how much does it mean to you to have her in your wedding party? If you would rather her not be in it, then just give her your reasons, but expect for her to be a little upset, try and make her feel better by asking her to do a reading or something like that. Since I have gotten that advice from other people, and that is exactly what we are going to do, I thought you might like to hear that one too.

RE: Dont know what to do

JennAnn — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 08:41:28 GMT

I would tell her that you need to know right now if she is gonna do it or not and if not that would work for you but if she says yes I do not know. Nine times out of ten if they are complaining about the wedding costs already they will back out.

RE: Dont know what to do

terri33 — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:48:58 GMT

Drop her and put it back on you. I had a similar situation during my first engagement and I put it on my thoughtlessness. Phrase it like this.

"Sis" I'm sorry I was so thoughtless to not realize the expense that you are going to incure being in my wedding. With the clothes, the hair, the shoes and all the extras, I should have been more thoughtful to realize it was unfair of me to ask you and "niece" and "nephew" to be in the wedding. I understand your feelings now that you are unable to afford to be in the wedding and I guess I hearby release you from being a BM. (insert a little laugh her) I would still love "niece" and "nephew" to be in the wedding but ensure you that we have budgetted for their attire. (and if you like, you could add this)- I would still love for you to be a part of my wedding and if it's all right I would like to ask you to give toast, do reading, be usher, (just pick one and insert it.)

RE: Dont know what to do

MrsMtobe — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:10:27 GMT

[quote][b]heather972 (4/20/2006)[/b][hr]Ooops, she wasn't asked to be part of the bridal party, she's definately coming to the wedding. Oh man I must sound like a giant jerk there, shes coming to the wedding, I just couldn't see having her in the party, since it would be hard for her to buy the dress, and to buy two more for her daughters. I feel horrible, although my FH says not to worry since he isn't using my brother but still. That came out wrog.[/quote]

LOL ok, you are forgiven for that one :D sounds much better now :D

RE: Dont know what to do

heather972 — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 18:02:21 GMT

Ooops, she wasn't asked to be part of the bridal party, she's definately coming to the wedding. Oh man I must sound like a giant jerk there, shes coming to the wedding, I just couldn't see having her in the party, since it would be hard for her to buy the dress, and to buy two more for her daughters. I feel horrible, although my FH says not to worry since he isn't using my brother but still. That came out wrog.

RE: Dont know what to do

MrsMtobe — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 17:49:38 GMT

[quote][b]heather972 (4/20/2006)[/b][hr]Well unlike everyone else I can see how it can add more money for you, paying for your niece and nephew's outfit, that's a lot of money to dish out for someone who may or may not be coming to your wedding. I'd say talk to her, ask her what she would like to do, but most importantly explain that she isn't going to hurt your feelings if she can't make it.
If it makes you feel better, I chose not to invite my FSIL because she does not have enough money to buy herself a new dress, since I already picked the BM dresses and they are $200!!!!! I can't nay don't want to pay for her own dress, because I would also have to have my three nieces in there as well as junior bridesmaids and they would have the same dresses as well. It really adds up doesn't it?[/quote]

Ok I read your post and was completely taken aback ... and shocked at what you wrote: If it makes you feel better, I chose not to invite my FSIL because she does not have enough money to buy herself a new dress, since I already picked the BM dresses and they are $200!!!!!

you chose not to invite your FSIL to the wedding because she can not afford a new dress? Who says she needs a new dress? I'm sorry, but this is your FSIL .. how does your FH feel about his sister not being invited to the wedding because she can't afford a new dress? Forget the dress .... I'd want my FSIL at my wedding .. regardless of what she is wearing or her girls.

I hope you meant to say that you didnt include your FSIL in the bridal party because she is unable to afford the expenses associated with being a bridesmaid but is still going to attend your wedding with her children. That I can understand ... but as it is written now, it says she is not invited to the wedding .. and personally, I find that appalling. :blush:

RE: Dont know what to do

heather972 — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 11:02:30 GMT

Well unlike everyone else I can see how it can add more money for you, paying for your niece and nephew's outfit, that's a lot of money to dish out for someone who may or may not be coming to your wedding. I'd say talk to her, ask her what she would like to do, but most importantly explain that she isn't going to hurt your feelings if she can't make it.
If it makes you feel better, I chose not to invite my FSIL because she does not have enough money to buy herself a new dress, since I already picked the BM dresses and they are $200!!!!! I can't nay don't want to pay for her own dress, because I would also have to have my three nieces in there as well as junior bridesmaids and they would have the same dresses as well. It really adds up doesn't it?

RE: Dont know what to do

MLD — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 08:40:52 GMT

I can see how it would be a bit more expensive, since you have to pay for dinners, gifts, flowers, and possibly your sisters dress to? But if you really want her there then I don't think it would be a big problem.

I agree with MrsM's advice...let HER make the final decision, but let her know that you will need to know what she wants.

I also agree with EL....luckily I read these boards when I got engaged. We have been engaged for almost 7 months now and haven't chosen the WP. We figure we will do it 1 year before the wedding...so this June. We are ALMOST decided on who we want.

Good luck with your sister!

RE: Dont know what to do

igottajlo — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 08:12:59 GMT

I agree with MrsM ... how will this cost you TONS more money? Sounds like an excuse to me ... I would do exactly what MrsM said.

RE: Dont know what to do

everlovin — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 00:38:02 GMT

I agree with what MrsM said but with no

disrespect intended, I would like to point out

to other newbies here that this is one of

those very good reasons to NOT choose

your wedding party right away.

Waiting until

six to nine months prior to the wedding day

helps you avoid such problems, especially if

you are reading on these boards on a

regular basis.

RE: Dont know what to do

MrsMtobe — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 00:21:53 GMT

I don't see how having 1 more bridesmaid and groomsman will cost you a whole bunch more money. An extra bouquet maybe? A small gift to say thanks for being part of your wedding party? I personally, don't see this as extra huge costs... but that's me...

Having said that .. this is what I would do .... Approach your sister and say: I want you in the wedding, but this is a choice that you have to make yourself. If you feel that it would be best if you weren't in the wedding party, I will understand and accept your decision. But, I need for you to decide by this date!!! (supply her with the date)

When the date arrives, then call her and ask for her decision and see where that leads you or she may step down right then and there.

Good luck

Oh, by the way... I moved this thread to Conflicts, because this is where your thread fits :D

Dont know what to do

malya — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 00:12:46 GMT

Im unsure what to do with this. My sister, who is in my wedding party, has told me that she might not be 'able' to be in my wedding. Her reason being that she can't afford to pay for the dress (hasn't even been picked out yet). I have told her I will pay for my nephew's tux and my niece's dress so she doesn't have to. Then she says that we should change the date of our wedding because it falls around too many other "holidays" (Dad's 50th, Easter, Her Wedding Anniversary) I told her it was her choice but inside I kind of want her to pull out... reason being is we have already gone over our budget and the wedding is a year away and having a 4th person each in the party will cost us a bunch more money. I dont want to tell her this because I DO want her to be part of it but I dont.... Is that wrong? Should I just tell her to pull out to save us BOTH money? She's not even sure if she's going to and she's not sure when she will know. So in my eyes, I can't put things on order until I know... Im just rambling sorry. But if you do have an input I would LOVE to hear it... Thanks
Jess