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RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

tguichon — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 16:11:35 GMT

My fiance and I just wrote our names, ie:

Jane Doe and John Doe along with their families invite you....

That way, no one felt excluded because we wrote families on the invitation.

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

fascha — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 13:46:03 GMT

Just play the ettiquette card. Whoever is hosting the wedding gets their name on the invite, whoever ISN'T doesn't. Telling him ahead of time sound like it is a manipulative way to try and get him to "fork over" to save face. If you don't make a big deal about it (by telling him in advance) then I doubt it would become a problem.

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

mombride — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 16:49:20 GMT

i would probably let it slip now so he isn't left standing there stone-faced in front of someone not knowing what to say when he pulls out that invite or someone calls and asks him about the "oversight"

i know all too well how touchy some of these things are - fh's bio dad left when he was a baby and never really was a dad until mom shipped him and his brothers off to live with him for a year to give her a break, but he was still his dad.

and he resents any inference to the man that actually raised him, so anything has to be tread lightely - his mom's dh - as being his dad. there were a lot of hard feelings there with the boys over this guy coming along and suddenly trying to set ground rules and moving in with them and their mom (sounds like they totally ran roughshod over mom before that)

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

BeeBear — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 07:15:04 GMT

[quote][b]cdn1276 (4/25/2006)[/b][hr]

Mrs Beebear, I am with you on this one.. however, it was his decision whether or not to include his father... I thought he should put his dad's name, but I don't know what it's like to not have a father around... but he said no, and wanted his mom and my folks on it rather then together with parents...

[/quote]

I know where you stand, my DH doesn't have his bio-Dad around, found out 3 years ago (?) that the Dad he knew was not actually his real Dad. Guess both you and I have no idea what it must be like for them.

Hope all works out for you guys - in the end - let him do the explaining should the questions arise.

Wishing the best of luck!

Cheers

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

cdn1276 — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 17:35:15 GMT

Thanks for the opinions...

That said, it IS ultimately his decision, and he doesn't want to say anything, and general opinion on here is the same thing, so that's what it will be. I think Nikki probably knows the situation best, as it sounds pretty much the same as your FHs.

Thanks for the opinions, it is greatly appreciated.

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

BeeBear — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 12:22:56 GMT

[quote][b]cdn1276 (4/24/2006)[/b][hr]FH and I are having a debate. His dad's name was not included on the invite (his folks are divorced, and he's not particularly close to him. FH sees him once a year, only because of his sister, and he is not contributing to the wedding - was not asked, did not offer).

We are going up to see his dad for a visit in June. Question is: Should he let his dad know ahead of time that his name isn't on the invite, or should his dad wait until he gets the invite in the mail to find out?

Whatcha think?[/quote]

I personally do not think that contributing to the wedding should not have any bearing on whether or not parents names are on the invitation.

I think if you put one parents name on, you put them all. I think it's extremely rude to just "shun" a parent like that, close or not.

You might as well wait until he gets his invite now, either way, if it were me being left off while all the others are on it, I'd be pissed.

This is the scenario where "together with parents" would have been appropriate instead of just leaving one name off.

Just my $0.02

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

jjf — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 11:55:12 GMT

Personally, I wouldn't tell him up front. I think that if he was that interested in recieveing recognition for contributing to the wedding, he would have helped out financially. By telling him before, you are asking for trouble in my opinion as he could start to freak out and then what can you do?? nothing as the invites have been ordered so I say if he brings it up when he gets his invite, tell him what your decision was and why you made the one you did but I wouldn't give him the heads up. Once again...my $0.02 hope it helps a little!

JJF :w00t:

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

jbuckle — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 11:47:12 GMT

In that case... I would definately tell him. It would be easier to diffuse the situation by telling him calmly and clearly why he wasn't included that for him to be upset/explode or whatever and try to clean up the mess.... it is his dad after all...

JMO

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

nikki04 — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 10:17:01 GMT

FH and I pretty much have the same dilemma! FH's dad and FH really don't talk much, see eachother or anything. His mom and dad have not been together since FH was a boy and his Dad was never really part of his life. FH makes a small effort to keeping in touch because his Dad has kids and he wants to be able to see his little brother and sister. We are also going to see them this year (first time for me to meet him) and FH does not want to include his father on the invites. He thinks that is would be disrespectful to his mom since she is the one who raised him. I dont think we will tell him.. I think that would make it seem like a bigger deal than it is.. it would be like prominently pointing out that we didnt include his name, and I think he may understand that it was appropriate anyways. ANYways.. As I said, I wouldnt tell him unless he asks.

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

AmieL — Tue, 25 Apr 2006 08:19:08 GMT

It is a bit of a moot point now, since the invites are already printed up - I would wait and see if his dad gets upset when he gets the invite - which he very well may - and then try to explain it to him as nicely as possible.

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

MrsMtobe — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 20:47:57 GMT

I'd wait until the invites were out .. if his dad questions it, then your FH can offer the explanation for the reasons behind his choice. However, it is up to your FH to address this should his dad question either one if you about it. His choice, now his responsibility to explain.

Personally, I would have used "together with our parents" ... out of respect for his father .. after all, he is and always will be his father, regardless if you get along or not, talk often or not, or see each other often or not but since the invites are done, I guess this is a mute point!

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

cdn1276 — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:57:39 GMT

The invites are already printed up, and don't include his dad's name (this was FH's choice cause 1) he's not close to him, and 2) he is not contributing)

The situation is now, whether to tell him about it now, or for him to find out when he receives the invite.

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

heather972 — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:48:06 GMT

According to etiquette books, trust me I love reading them, you only have to put parents names on the invites if they are paying for the wedding, or if you choose to. If you are choosing not to, then don't, it's your FH's choice right? If he was giving you money for the wedding, it would be proper to put his name on it though.

RE: Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

jbuckle — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:38:23 GMT

Why not just use "together with their parents"? That solves the problem and people won't ask questions why the dad is being excluded. I think it's pretty hurtful to exclude him.... I guess if you're set on doing it this way at the very least I'd tell him in advance...

Excluding Parent's Name from Invite

cdn1276 — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:30:29 GMT

FH and I are having a debate. His dad's name was not included on the invite (his folks are divorced, and he's not particularly close to him. FH sees him once a year, only because of his sister, and he is not contributing to the wedding - was not asked, did not offer).

Whatcha think?