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RE: why are you getting marry?

scraggles — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:37:51 GMT

I married my DH because I want to spend my life with him. To me (and us now) divorce is NOT an option. I know every couple is going to say that when they get married, but then why is the divorce rate so high? If me and DH end up being miserable, I will stick with him through the good times AND the bad. But I would much rather work as hard as I can to not be miserable and that is what I plan on doing. I don't really know what I want to do with my life yet but i DO know that I want him to be by my side. Before we got married DH and I promised each other that even if the other dies tomorrow, we are still with each other for life. We will not date or remarry or be with anyone, as he is my soulmate and I really want to be with him "forever" and be buried beside him when I die. I married him because he is my other half, and I would do anything in the world for him.

RE: why are you getting marry?

Shayelle09 — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 13:14:00 GMT

Why are we getting married????

We have been together for 10 years and getting married was never that big of a deal for us, we have our children and we are happy...We had talked about it and always knew we would get married but just never really started planning it.

Last year, I started have second thoughts, started thinking that maybe the grass would be greener on the other side of the fence....All the little thing that annoyed me about him were driving me crazy, and I was not sure if we were together just because we had children or if we still had the love for each other we had before the kids. I thought maybe I deserved "better", I saw my single friends out having fun, dating, and having the "new relationship tingle" and I missed it.

We separated for a short time last spring (about 2 months) and during this time I really started to realize all the things I love about my FH and how happy he really makes me. He is not perfect, nor am I but this "break" help teach me how important it is to make each other a priority everyday. He is my best friend. This is when getting married started to become more important to us, we are now planning our wedding (the date is still all over the place due to finances). I can't wait to have the honor of tell the world that he is my husband

After years of being together you may start to neglect each other in little ways and you lose that "new relationship" feeling. We now make each other a priority everyday...I put his thoughts, feelings and needs before my own as he dose mine. I see now that we put our time together on the back burner, which is something that happens a lot when you have small children. We try to spend as much "alone" time as we can together, even if it is just going grocery shopping and doing some of the little things we did before we had kids, like this summer we are planning a day at Canada's Wonderland for us, we have lots of day trips planed with the kids but we do need some "Mommy and Daddy" time as well. One day the kids will be grown up and move out, fall in love and have their own families, it's our job to stay focused on each other, we don't want to wake up 20 years from now and not know each other anymore.

So back to the original question, "Why are you getting married"

We are getting married because we are committed to each other FOREVER, in the good and bad time, the happy and sad, the rich (we have not any of these yet) and poor time. Even in the hardest times, my love for him has never changed, I can't imagine my life with out him. He calls me everyday from work on lunch and we talk the whole time, he makes me laugh, he loves us (me and his children) more then anything on this planet, he works hard to provide for us and would never let anything happen to us. Like I said before, he is not perfect, we still have good days and bad, we argue and fight at times but I focus on the good things about us and they outweigh the bad every time. We work on making each other happy everyday. Being married is our bond to work together through the bad and hard times, our commitment to each other forever.

RE: why are you getting marry?

BeeknBrian — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 22:18:46 GMT

I am getting married because the man that I am with is wonderful. We share a lot of the same interests and he loves me for me and all of my weirdness! :hehe: We love eachother and knew it from the beginning.

RE: why are you getting marry?

amanda222 — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 18:00:32 GMT

[quote][b]ilovemyman (7/9/2008)[/b][hr]Do not be afraid to seek counselling if you are having issues with DH that you are having difficulty talking through. Sometimes a mediator is necessary to get down to the heart of the matter because when emotions are all heated, it's hard to be insightful and let defences down.[/quote]

I second (or third, or whatever) this advice. The reverend that officiated our ceremony puts on some pre-marital workshops, and even though we didn't take them (we were going to, but even though it's a pathetic excuse, we somehow never found the time before the wedding), he encouraged us to think about taking one at any point afterward. He suggested that some people find it helpful to do after, for instance, a year of marriage - whether there are big problems or not.

For those of you that are questioning your marriage after the fact, or are in a rough spot, did you do pre-marital counselling? Do you think it might help to do something similar now? I've heard a number of people who did it say that it brought some issues to light that they hadn't realized were there. And if you did, do you think it might help to pull out any material you might have from there and go over it again together? (I'm not expecting any answers here, and I can't say I've been in this situation myself, but that's just the advice I'd offer to a friend going through something similar.)

I hope those of you having difficulties are able to work things out without too much heartache - please don't hesitate to share what you're going through.

RE: why are you getting marry?

huntertobe — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:36:22 GMT

[quote][b]schrambony (7/2/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]Zim (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]Imagine being plagued by doubts [i][b]after[/b][/i] the wedding!!
(This is happening to my husband and me right now...)

[/quote]

I didn't bother reading the rest of the posts because I am feeling the same thing right now. I feel my husband has changed since we got married, and with some different circumstances coming up (unknown illness with me, possibilyt of losing job) i don't feel the support from him that I used to, and it scares me because I want a supportive husband.

Sometimes I'm not even attracted to him anymore. I just find him repulsing, and I wish he would grow up. I don't know if it's my problem, or his. He makes sure to tell me it's me though.[/quote]

oh i'm so sorry to hear this! support is so important! so many of the other issues can be worked on but when you feel alone it's so hard! telling you it's your fault isn't a solution...that's not very nice :(

are you doing alright healthwise? because that must be scary :(

is there anything we can help you talk through?

i'm glad you ladies feel supported enough here to speak out... i'm sure you'll find some stress relieved by knowing it's not just you :)

attraction is a hard thing to lose :( ...what do you mean you're not attracted to him anymore? you're not intimate anymore? or the actual sight of him makes you sick? has he done something specific to make you so angry?

RE: why are you getting marry?

huntertobe — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:31:25 GMT

[quote][b]XoXo (6/28/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]huntertobe (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]zim and xoxo - i'm sorry you guys are having doubts :( i KNOW you're not the only ones on the board having them if that makes you feel better.

when i was out with some cb-ers the other day, i didn't word this very well...and i probably won't again :D but....

i really wish the cbers that end up having problems or divorcing would come back on here!

i mean, we're all here for each other for the stress of the wedding, or the babies, or the houses, etc....but what about the MARRIAGES?

the divorce rate is something like 50% - so i find it hard to believe that every marriage that happens on this site stays together and happy :( as nice as that would be for everyone!

i think it would give people great support to come here where people already "know" you...and be able to talk about what they're going through...and since there's so many women on here that have been married before - i think it would be more helpful then going to just a regular divorce chat room because the person having the problems will see that they can have a happy ending too!

you shouldn't get flamed for saying maybe you made a mistake - you should be lauded for being adult enough to realize there's a problem.

if you guys want to talk it out - we'll be here for you :)[/quote]

Awww :) Thanks Huntertobe:) I can honestly say I don't know what will happen in the future with DH and I... somedays are good and somedays are bad, but lately it just seems like the bad days are really bad and very frequent. I feel like more often than not he would rather blame me for something gone wrong than own up to making a mistake... I don't think he realizes that getting up at the alter one time and committing himself to me isn't enough... he needs to do it daily... marriage is a process, something that requires time and effort, not a big day where you get dressed up and party with your friends and family...
It's really frustrating to feel like you're the only one giving a damn.[/quote]

very true xoxo!

have you considered counselling at all? because it really can be very helpful! i see a shrink regularly to help me with my issues and when hubby and i are going through a fighting patch he'll come too and it's been really good for us! a neutral third party that telling you point blank what you're both doing is a real eye opener!

how long were you guys together before you got married? did you live together? becuase me and hubby lived together about 6 years before we got married and the first year or two was very "interesting" :D could you be having growing pains?

RE: why are you getting marry?

ilovemyman — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:28:02 GMT

And...why did I get married...

My DH is amazing...the depth of his love for me and his family never ceases to amaze me. He would give the shirt off his back to a loved one in need without a second thought. He really makes me want to be a better person.

He fights for me, he works hard, he`s ambitious. He`s game for almost anything almost anytime. He watches my sappy soap operas, and my other crappy reality tv shows, even though he pretends he hates them. And I like when he rubs my bum when I ask without complaining...lol...

He loves me for me, he makes me feel like a queen, he tells me I`m beautiful and I know he means it. He`s smart, and god, he is SO handy...he can fix anything!!!

I love that we met when we were in college and university, when neither of us had anything...just a couple of ambitious young people with big dreams. We grew together and he`s not after my money and I`m not after his...lol...or should I say the money we WILL have...

ETA: And he`s one hot piece of chocolate candy and he`s got a hot body...just had to add that...

If I could turn back the clock to almost one year ago when we got married, I would have said all of the above in my speech at our reception...well maybe I would have left out the hot body stuff. It`s hard for me to declare my love for him in front of spectators, but I do it privately all the time...

He is not perfect, but he`s perfect for me.

RE: why are you getting marry?

ilovemyman — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 00:18:53 GMT

I just wanted to add some advice to this thread...

Do not be afraid to seek counselling if you are having issues with DH that you are having difficulty talking through. Sometimes a mediator is necessary to get down to the heart of the matter because when emotions are all heated, it's hard to be insightful and let defences down.

I think the divorce rate would be lower if couples sought counselling earlier than waiting until there is almost no hope left...

RE: why are you getting marry?

Zim — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 17:23:35 GMT

[quote][b]schrambony (7/2/2008)[/b][hr]I don't know if it's my problem, or his. He makes sure to tell me it's me though.[/quote]

I'm so sorry to hear this!! I know that every relationship is different, but this sounds kind of like what my husband and I have been going through for the last four weeks.

Before we got married, we thought that communication was one of our strong points, and were even told that in pre-marital couselling! But things change after a wedding. Your circumstances change, and that changes your relationship.

I had no idea what was going on in my marriage for four weeks. All I could think is that I was a bad wife. Fortunately my husband decided he could talk about it (after much prodding from me!!) just before the weekend. We got down to the heart of the issue, and it turns out I had been feeling like a crappy person for a lot of the wrong reasons.

I hope you and your husband will be able to talk soon!! It helps so much if you can put aside emotions and ask each other "What is [b]really[/b] going on here?"

It really helped me to be able to ask my husband what his expectations of a wife were. From there, we discovered that it's not what I'm doing or not doing, but that he feels as though his family have deserted him after the wedding, so all he has left is me. That's a lot of pressure he was putting on me, without me even realising it!!

Good luck!! I hope you find what the heart of the issue is soon. I can say that when you do, the sex life truly picks up again ;)

RE: why are you getting marry?

crystal13 — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 14:39:52 GMT

This is a great thread! I think it's a question we all need to be asking ourselves before we get married because (all joking aside) I think some people really do just get married for the dress and the party instead of realizing the implications of what signing that piece of paper and exchanging vows really means.

I have had a 110% change of heart in the last year, if you had asked me in September if I wanted to get married I would have shouted "NO" at the top of my lungs. FH and I were going through some major issues and instead of talking it out and telling him how I felt (eventhough communication has always been our #1 strength) I kept it in and stewed and was ready to be done with him (after FIVE years being together...)

Everything changed the night I confronted him about it.... instead of getting defensive and upset about how I felt he completely 100% understood where I was coming from. After hours and days of talking it out we made a pact to move forward in a more positive way.... I realized at that moment that if we could get through what we got through then, we could get through anything, and I realized that I love him because we can talk it out and we can work it out and he's always there to listen to me and support me (even when it means admitting that he was wrong).

Every relationship will have it's ups and downs, every relationship goes through phases good and bad ... and the true test of love is how well you are able to move forward TOGETHER through those phases. :)

RE: why are you getting marry?

schrambony — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:15:01 GMT

[quote][b]Zim (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]Imagine being plagued by doubts [i][b]after[/b][/i] the wedding!!
(This is happening to my husband and me right now...)

[/quote]

Sometimes I'm not even attracted to him anymore. I just find him repulsing, and I wish he would grow up. I don't know if it's my problem, or his. He makes sure to tell me it's me though.

RE: why are you getting marry?

sbru — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 00:47:17 GMT

ou la la.

Don't I love this question? My marriage prep person asked us both this same question.. we actually had to take a piece of paper (seperate).. and write down all our reasons 'Why We Are Marrying Our Fiance' ...and we couldn't discuss it..

Then after we were done that exercise we took another piece of paper and wrote at the top "Reasons I Think My Fiance is Marrying Me".. and listed all the reasons. When we were both done we compared answers. It was fun!

So here is goes.. (besides absolutely loving each other)..

We have the same beliefs, he cares about me, he supports me (financially & emotionally), he protects me, I have MAJOR respect for who he is, He ALWAYS makes me laugh (even when I'm p!ssed at him and don't want him to know he's made me laugh, I'll turn away... Can't give him the satisfaction!!!!), We communicate well and can talk about anything, I want us to share and help accomplish our goals--together, we want to fulfill each others needs, I know he would bend over backwards for me, I trust him, I want to grow old with him, he's stubborn--but in certain situations that's been a good thing, we compliment each other--I pick up where he lacks and he picks up where I lack, he wants what's best for me. He's my best friend.

Now on to the sappy stuff..

I love how he kisses my forehead then my nose then my lips. How he cups my face in his hands and tells me in such a serious way that he loves me. How he'll hug me and hold on and never want to let go and tell me that he doesn't want to let go. How he's nicknamed me 'Dolly'. How he always has to give me just 'ONE MORE' kiss or hug before he goes to work. How he always ends his e-mails when he's e-mailing from work. How I hate being away from him. I love the sound of his car door slamming and the dogs barking at 3 in the morning only because I know he's home. How he expects food to be ready when he gets home. How he appreciates everything I am.....

I could keep going but I'll stop now. . . I'm getting carried away.

RE: why are you getting marry?

aotter — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 16:32:15 GMT

[quote][b]chulie (6/27/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]huntertobe (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]i did it for the dress. :);)[/quote]

...and the ring............[/quote]

bahahahaha and don't forget your killer shoes Mags!!

RE: why are you getting marry?

XoXo — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 17:15:07 GMT

[quote][b]huntertobe (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]zim and xoxo - i'm sorry you guys are having doubts :( i KNOW you're not the only ones on the board having them if that makes you feel better.

when i was out with some cb-ers the other day, i didn't word this very well...and i probably won't again :D but....

i really wish the cbers that end up having problems or divorcing would come back on here!

i mean, we're all here for each other for the stress of the wedding, or the babies, or the houses, etc....but what about the MARRIAGES?

the divorce rate is something like 50% - so i find it hard to believe that every marriage that happens on this site stays together and happy :( as nice as that would be for everyone!

i think it would give people great support to come here where people already "know" you...and be able to talk about what they're going through...and since there's so many women on here that have been married before - i think it would be more helpful then going to just a regular divorce chat room because the person having the problems will see that they can have a happy ending too!

you shouldn't get flamed for saying maybe you made a mistake - you should be lauded for being adult enough to realize there's a problem.

if you guys want to talk it out - we'll be here for you :)[/quote]

Awww :) Thanks Huntertobe:) I can honestly say I don't know what will happen in the future with DH and I... somedays are good and somedays are bad, but lately it just seems like the bad days are really bad and very frequent. I feel like more often than not he would rather blame me for something gone wrong than own up to making a mistake... I don't think he realizes that getting up at the alter one time and committing himself to me isn't enough... he needs to do it daily... marriage is a process, something that requires time and effort, not a big day where you get dressed up and party with your friends and family...
It's really frustrating to feel like you're the only one giving a damn.

RE: why are you getting marry?

peach125 — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 15:04:44 GMT

A few weeks shy of our second wedding anniversary, so I'm an "old-married" and here's my 2 cents.

I married my husband because he is my strongest supporter, my best advocate, the broadest shoulder and biggest hug and best conversationalist for me, and I knew together we would forge a life of caring and sharing and love, and one day he would be a wonderful father to our children, would always contribute to my fulfilling my career dreams, and hold me close and anchor me in tragedy, but make me laugh and truly believe there is on place better in teh world than curled up on the couch with him,laughing and talking.

Having said that, when we disagree, we really disagree, and that happens enough in our place!!!!! Do I doubt he's my partner? No...I have had fleeting moments of "who is this alien and what am I doing with such a freak" but that usually subsides! ;)

RE: why are you getting marry?

sarahandrob2010 — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 07:35:47 GMT

[quote]HE (being my DH) ate the LAST ice cream bar last night! What part of, "your pregnant wife bought those for herself because she was CRAVING them" didn't he understand?! *sigh* MEN! :) He won't be eating the last of anything anymore...[/quote]

LOL The things we have to do to train them, eh?! :Wow:

RE: why are you getting marry?

eeklrb — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:37:49 GMT

Why did I get married? I got married because my husband completes me. He makes me a better person, he calms my nerves, he cleans the toilet and makes me breakfast. He always kisses me goodnight and I miss him when we are apart. I love when I hear the key in the door when he gets home from work, or when he quietly gets out of bed in the morning so that I don't wake up. I married him because I knew he'd be there regardless, through thick and thin. He is my bestfriend, my lover, my husband, my baby's Daddy...he is everything I need- and SO much more that I didn't know I even needed.

RE: why are you getting marry?

eeklrb — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 21:24:35 GMT

[quote][b]sarahandrob09 (6/27/2008)[/b][hr][quote]when you start to have problems is how you deal with the fights! if you're just ignoring problems and thinking they'll go away - they usually don't - you just get bitter until you end up fighting because he ate the last buttertart! (which he know longer does...thank goodness!)

[/quote]

ROFL Rob once ate the last ice cream/caramel bar. I still haven't let him live it down :P

Also, I don't share my Haagen Dazs. He's come to accept that ;)[/quote]

HE (being my DH) ate the LAST ice cream bar last night! What part of, "your pregnant wife bought those for herself because she was CRAVING them" didn't he understand?! *sigh* MEN! :) He won't be eating the last of anything anymore...

RE: why are you getting marry?

sarahandrob2010 — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:26:21 GMT

[quote]when you start to have problems is how you deal with the fights! if you're just ignoring problems and thinking they'll go away - they usually don't - you just get bitter until you end up fighting because he ate the last buttertart! (which he know longer does...thank goodness!)

[/quote]

ROFL Rob once ate the last ice cream/caramel bar. I still haven't let him live it down :P

Also, I don't share my Haagen Dazs. He's come to accept that ;)

RE: why are you getting marry?

loriellen7 — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 18:08:24 GMT

As someone who got married before, because others wanted/expected me to. My advice is don't get married if you aren't 110 percent sure. Yes you can love him, you can even be engaged for longer, but don't get married if you are thinking it may be a mistake.

As I tell my kids, you can say no right up until you sign the papers.

RE: why are you getting marry?

huntertobe — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:50:17 GMT

oh honey - i'm pretty sure i had a screaming match yesterday! :D get used to it! hahhah!

everyone thinks fighting means you've got problems and i must say i disagree. i find ben and i fight a lot more then some people because i'm neurotic and can't not sweat the small stuff - i MUST always speak my mind! :D

when you start to have problems is how you deal with the fights! if you're just ignoring problems and thinking they'll go away - they usually don't - you just get bitter until you end up fighting because he ate the last buttertart! (which he know longer does...thank goodness!)

people say they never fight, and that might be true for them - some people are just more chill then others! i'm a highly strung individual - i fight!

you just need to figure what your relationship "style" is...did you guys live together before you got married? how long were you together? could this just be growing pains?

i'm glad you guys worked it out :)

and i know what you mean about posting that in newleyweds....but you can always post it in conflicts! :D trust me - if the boards hadn't been wiped - you would find a lot of "why i ***ing hate my fh today" threads

RE: why are you getting marry?

Zim — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:42:51 GMT

[quote][b]huntertobe (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]If you guys want to talk it out - we'll be here for you :)[/quote]

Thank you!

Thankfully, after our first major fight (well, the first time I've ever shouted...) things are back to normal in my relationship. I've realised that sometimes you might just need to exercise your lungs to get down to the real issue!!

I must admit, the last four weeks have been quite awful, because I couldn't figure out what was wrong with "us". I tried to start a thread in the Newlyweds section about it, but I deleted my message just because the Newlyweds section is such a happy place that I didn't want to rain on anyone else's parade!

I think it might help to have a place where we can air out marital difficulties. I know that I, for one, would like to hear from people who have had glitches along the way.

RE: why are you getting marry?

huntertobe — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:52:18 GMT

as for me, yes i wanted the dress... :D BUT i will admit i also asked myself why am i getting married?

both hubby and i come from divorced parents. he came out of it with the attitude "why do i need a piece of paper? it doesn't keep people from getting divorced, so if i want to be with you i will...i don't need anyone elses permission." where as i came out of it dreaming what it would be like to have a husband and be a wife and i never thought i would get married actually due to my circumstances, so when my circumstances changed and i COULD get married - my god i wanted it so bad! dh was the last piece of the puzzle!

but i married HIM because he is just fantastic. i come with a lote of baggage and "quirks" and he loves me no matter what - and there's been some trials - let me tell you! he doesn't bring me flowers, and he doesn't usually say the "right thing" but when it matters that man has my back, and he is so kind and funny...and that sweet ass of his! meow!

it's been 7 1/2 years and i still get excited for him to come home from work, and i still smile when i think of something he did....i'm hooked - i couldn't imagine my life without him!

RE: why are you getting marry?

sarahandrob2010 — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:46:09 GMT

I second everything Maggie said! :)

RE: why are you getting marry?

huntertobe — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 14:16:21 GMT

zim and xoxo - i'm sorry you guys are having doubts :( i KNOW you're not the only ones on the board having them if that makes you feel better.

when i was out with some cb-ers the other day, i didn't word this very well...and i probably won't again :D but....

i really wish the cbers that end up having problems or divorcing would come back on here!

i mean, we're all here for each other for the stress of the wedding, or the babies, or the houses, etc....but what about the MARRIAGES?

the divorce rate is something like 50% - so i find it hard to believe that every marriage that happens on this site stays together and happy :( as nice as that would be for everyone!

i think it would give people great support to come here where people already "know" you...and be able to talk about what they're going through...and since there's so many women on here that have been married before - i think it would be more helpful then going to just a regular divorce chat room because the person having the problems will see that they can have a happy ending too!

you shouldn't get flamed for saying maybe you made a mistake - you should be lauded for being adult enough to realize there's a problem.

if you guys want to talk it out - we'll be here for you :)

RE: why are you getting marry?

GoneSalsa — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 13:48:54 GMT

I'm marrying him because after being through one toxic marriage, I found out through him what I really deserve. I'm marrying him because he always treats me and my family with respect, he is caring and compassionate, he is physically attractive IMHO, he doesn't think that ballroom and salsa dancing are only for gay men, he watches Dancing with the Stars with me :D, he knows how to dance well, he wants to travel the world with me, he loves spicy food, he likes to go running with me, he sees no problem in traveling to another city to run a half-marathon, he helps me cook and clean, he supports me while I complete my accounting designation, he is positive and upbeat most of the time, he sees the glass as half full, he knows how to read me, he likes to read books, he's interesting, he challenges me to try different things, he loves me the way that I am, he says that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world....etc.

RE: why are you getting marry?

sarahandrob2010 — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 13:20:42 GMT

This is a good thread. The priest who used to be at our parish told me once that when he's running marriage prep courses, he asks the people "Why do you want to get married? And the answer can't be because you love them!"

I think it's important to think about the other reasons, too, as unromantic as they may be ;)

RE: why are you getting marry?

Nik82 — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 13:12:44 GMT

I'll second the bum comment! DH has a nice west indian apple bum :D

I love him because he respects me and all women, he called me a "keeper" almost from the very start. He still opens my car door for me even after 4 years. I love him because he's often grumpy, but it's so worth it when I can make him smile or laugh. He's the last person I want to see when I go to bed at night and the first person I want to see when I wake up in the morning even though he snores so loud I'm tempted to throw him out of bed.

I also want to point out that no matter how much our DHs mean to us, we can't expect the world from them. I'm often guilty of this myself. If I've had a bad day or I'm upset about something DH rarely if ever says the right thing. I need to realize that he's not the person who's going to make me feel better in that situation, I'm better off to talk to my mom or be consoled by a friend. We have to accept our DH's 'shortfalls' and not expect him to change for us.

RE: why are you getting marry?

marchbride — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:34:33 GMT

[quote][b]chulie (6/27/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]huntertobe (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]i did it for the dress. :);)[/quote]

...and the ring............[/quote]

LOL you guys are too much.

I'm getting married because I want to make a commitment to be fh's partner in life. Beyond the fact that I truly love and cherish the man for everything that he is and may become (or may not who knows lol) I respect who he is, his values and goals are similar to mine. He respects me and supports me no matter what my decisions are (ie I'm considering giving up a very well paying career to become a doula at a major pay cut and he's 100% behind me). He really is my best friend and I want to make a commitment to him (legal and personal) to be there for him and to share our lives together - whatever that may be. It's sooo much more than just being in love (which we are for sure!!)..he's my life partner :D

Plus. He has these ADORABLE dimples that make me melt every single day LOL. And a nice butt. And wicked shoulders man oh man......HOTNESS!

RE: why are you getting marry?

natluvsjun — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 11:58:33 GMT

Sorry about that Soon2beMrsP...... I really do like Fh's bum!

But why I am really marrying my FH is well since the day I met him I felt this awesome connection and I fell in love hard, and it's been like for almost 9 years now. I think marrying him for me, is just the next step in our relationship. We just work, we fit. He's my partner is crime!

RE: why are you getting marry?

XoXo — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 11:52:17 GMT

Zim.. Thank you for being so honest about your own doubts. Dh and I have been married just a few months short of a year and every now and again I have second thoughts, especially lately.

Of course I care about him and always will.. But I sometimes find that in some sensitive situations, he acts completely inappropriate. For example, in March, my dear grandfather died. Dh was actually upset that we had to spend so much time with my family.. I was disgusted that a person could be so selfish.. Especially my own husband! Like I said, I really love him I just sometimes feel I deserve better...

Anyways, I hope I don't get flammed or something for saying those things, but it certainly feels good to be honest with myself.
[quote][b]Zim (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]Imagine being plagued by doubts [i][b]after[/b][/i] the wedding!!
(This is happening to my husband and me right now...)

I think this is an excellent thread. Everyone has cold feet and niggling doubts. This is a great place to put down your thoughts, and maybe come back to them in down times, when you're struggling to remember why you're married.

My husband is smart, (sometimes) funny, serious, soft, (sometimes) sweet, and makes me feel safe, too.

These are the things I need to remember I love about him, and the things I need to make sure I don't sabotage!! ;)[/quote]

RE: why are you getting marry?

Soon2bMrsP — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 11:23:44 GMT

[quote][b]natluvsjun (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]LOL to the dress & ring comments.... I am marrying my man because I like his bum bum! LOL![/quote]

LMAO! THanks alot! That made me spill my soup everywhere! LMAO LMAO

I am marrying my man becuase of his money..

lol JK. I dont really know why. I often question myself, but that is with any major decision.. you naturally weigh your odds and choices.

In your gut you either know its the right thing or not...

RE: why are you getting marry?

natluvsjun — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:26:11 GMT

LOL to the dress & ring comments.... I am marrying my man because I like his bum bum! LOL!

RE: why are you getting marry?

chulie — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:15:34 GMT

[quote][b]huntertobe (6/27/2008)[/b][hr]i did it for the dress. :);)[/quote]

...and the ring............

RE: why are you getting marry?

huntertobe — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 09:41:32 GMT

i did it for the dress. :);)

RE: why are you getting marry?

smurf993 — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 08:37:28 GMT

We got married cause we wanted to... we had always meant to, and kinda lost track of time, and let life get in the way a bit i guess. We have been together nearly 10 years. We wanted to get married to make a commitment to each other, but also cause we wanted to start and family and thought that it would be nice to be married first.... nice but if it happened before we would not have been upset. Also, we hated having to tell people that we were married... after being together for long they always kind of assumed it... that always bothered us.

RE: why are you getting marry?

chulie — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 08:27:49 GMT

Thanks for clarifying! I appreciate the honesty! i do agree this is the place for it and do enjoy these...just..before i wasted my time giving an answer i wanted to make sure it was someone who would actually read and not post and dissapear! my thoughts mean a lot to me!hahahahaha

I am marrying my fiancee because i love him a lot and i do know after many years of searching he REALLY is the perfect guy for me.I know that for as long as i like i will never find someone who is so compatible with me and who gets me like he does... We have all the basics in common...we share the same views on religion, money,family ect and we really just have so much fun together.. (plus..he's freakin hilarious..haha)I am also marrying him because we fight...hahaha...because i am entitled to my oppinion and he is entitled to his and neither of us have tried to change one another....and even when we fight....i never stop loving him and vice versa....i never think, omg..what am i doing.....as the day gets closer i get more and more excited...and to be honest..i just want to the wedding to be over..i dont care as much about that...so..you'd be surprised how many women share that same feeling you do....i REALLY just want it over with and to be his wife....and live together and raise a family together and then grow old together and have to remind him to turn up his hearing aid or put his teeth in!hahahahaa

RE: why are you getting marry?

Sodayah — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 07:09:18 GMT

We are getting married because he is the best person for the job of my husband. He has put up with my family and my issues, he has taken care f me when I couldn't work, just like I did for him. We have the similar religious beliefs and goals. We love each other and not just in the way of honeymoon, but much more as we never had that with so much drama surrounding the start of our relationship.

We are getting married because I want to go to sleep beside him, wake up in the middle of the night and tell him to get off his computer and come back to bed, and wake up with him in the morning. Because I can't picture my life without him being there, and because of the person he sees when he looks at me is amazing and beautiful to him and he's actually starting to convince me that maybe I am.

RE: why are you getting marry?

Zim — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 00:36:59 GMT

Imagine being plagued by doubts [i][b]after[/b][/i] the wedding!!
(This is happening to my husband and me right now...)

I think this is an excellent thread. Everyone has cold feet and niggling doubts. This is a great place to put down your thoughts, and maybe come back to them in down times, when you're struggling to remember why you're married.

My husband is smart, (sometimes) funny, serious, soft, (sometimes) sweet, and makes me feel safe, too.

These are the things I need to remember I love about him, and the things I need to make sure I don't sabotage!! ;)

RE: why are you getting marry?

reluctant — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 22:25:11 GMT

LOL, Chulie, I see where you are coming from. Yes, this is my only login. I've been engaged since 2006 and I am getting married September 21, 2008. I have only started (reluctantly) planning my wedding in the past three weeks (surprisingly, I got everything done within three weeks, including my invitations). Now you and everyone who are wondering, understands why my login is suitably named Reluctant. I lead a busy life career wise, so doesn't leave me a lot of time to do a whole lot of posts, let alone coming in to read other people's posts. And today is one of those rare days I get to be and act like a bride-to-be. Honestly, I also named myself Reluctant because I am not the usual bride-to-be who are more enthusiastic and eager with the wedding planning.

Now the reason why I am asking this question is because I am inching closer and closer to our wedding day, and I am getting the jitters. And I was at a lost for words trying to remember why I am getting marry to my fiancé. The jitters do get heavier on days when I don't have to concentrate on work. Of course, doesn't help either remembering I will have to live with the Mother-in-law afterwards (she doesn't speak english very well). So I posted, hoping other bride-to-be and their replies can help me remember. I also believe it is a good question everyone should ask themselves as a reminder, even after the wedding. After the wedding, as the years add on, sparks and passion dies down, it becomes a habit and people forget and fall out of love. It will be our 9th anniversary on our wedding day (I know what your next question is... what took us so long? financial reasons and illnesses). Some marriages don't even last this long.

So thank you to the other bride-to-be that replied, I am a very visual person and I lose my way when I am trying to verbalize things. Your words certainly helped me. And my reply to my own question is... I am getting marry to my man is not just because of love, the sparks and passion from the day that I met him have long died down, but I find new ones with him everyday. I am marrying him because he makes me smile and feel safe, and he is the only one who can pull me out of the darkest corners of life. I am marrying him because we complement each other and we learn from each other. Most of all, I am marrying him because I cannot imagine myself without him.

I apologize if I posted the topic in the wrong categories or if you found it misleading in any way.