InstantForum.NET v4.1.4CanadianBride.com Talkboardshttp://forums.canadianbride.com/bounce@canadianbride.comTue, 02 Dec 2008 08:23:34 GMT20http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxThanks for all the responses. I really just needed a place to vent a little.<br><br>My dad has never really been the greatest dad and I don't know why I ever expected him to change. I should have known that he wouldn't come, despite the fact that, every week when we talked, he said he was coming, etc...<br><br>I could probably afford to buy him a bus ticket, but now I don't know if I want to... I guess I don't feel like I should have to, especially considering the amount of notice he's had to buy it himself.<br><br>Every time we talk, he tells me about this restaurant he went to, or something he just bought, or how great last night was when he was drinking beers with his buddies, etc... Maybe if he had a bit of self restraint, he would have saved a bit of that money each time and he'd have enough for a ticket by now! I guess it was just too much to ask of him...Fri, 04 Jul 2008 22:09:39 GMTEmilieJ87http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxFirstly, I want to say I'm sorry your going through this ((HUGS)).<br><br>Secondly, I can relate. FH and I have had a short-er engagement, we'll be married in 15 days and got engaged in December/07. My father and I never had a relationship since I was a baby and my mom and him split. He lived out west and we live in the Maritimes so he would still visit but by the time I was 4 the visits stopped and by the time I was 10 the phone calls stopped. So I called him up and decided to try and get a relationship with him, and it was great! He was going to come to the wedding and everything, it was all wonderful between us. He took off the vacation time and everything. A month and a half before my wedding he tells me he cancelled his vacation time because he'd prefer to save the money and fly up at Christmas time instead of to my wedding, which is once in a lifetime.. well then come to find out he goes out and buys a motorcycle.. (I know where that money went to now). My whole family warned me over and over he'd pull a stunt like this, but I didn't believe he would!!!!!!! I was so heartbroken. <br><br>To make matters worse we haven't been talking at all lately because I don't want to bother talking to him if he's going to be like that!? ..soo last Wednesday I get a call saying he was in a motorcycle accident with his new motorcycle and is now in the hospital on a respirator and has been induced into a coma as well as having internal bleeding and some other really bad injuries. I checked up (called the hospital) yesterday and they said his bleeding is stable and so is his heartbeat/blood pressure. They are starting to try and get him to wake up now.. but he's still on lots of meds to help with pain.<br><br>Point being, yes it hurts A LOT.. I can't imagine what your going through, because from what I have read you've known your father... with me I've just started getting to know him and he pulls a stunt like this. I'm mad, but mostly hurt.<br><br>The way I see it, It's MY day! Not my dads, not my moms, not my grandparents.. but MINE and FH's!!!<br><br>I'm fine with everything now, just upset about the fact that he's exactly as my family had warned me.... Hang in there, it's YOUR day!Fri, 04 Jul 2008 00:26:16 GMTsbruhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxI really feel for you and can relate to the disappointment. My father was a no show at my sisters wedding a few years ago and I was as hurt as she was... I am more than a little worried that he will pull this again but have had to develop an understanding that his actions are about him and not about me. Crying now before the wedding is understandable... on your day.... let it be about joy... no matter who is there with you!!! (((HUGS)))Thu, 03 Jul 2008 22:27:08 GMTmrsc2behttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxNeither of my parents came to our wedding.. 3 weeks before the wedding my mother and I got into a big scrap and she ended up hanging up the phone on me.. i was kind enough to send a care package before hand with favours, corsage and bout, music cd, and special hankie for my mom.. she didn't even bother to call and tell me thanks and that she got it..</P><P>after the wedding i mailed them two cd's of pictures, wedding video and announcement.. did she call and thank me or even tell me she got it?? nope</P><P>we have not spoken since and its been well over a year.. </P><P>they missed out on our wedding, they missed out on seeing my kids (which is their grandchildren) and since they have nothing to do with us they also have missed out on their first grandchild graduating from highschool..</P><P>it was tough at first but as the days, weeks, and months go by its easier to deal with..Thu, 03 Jul 2008 22:14:29 GMTLaurieKhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxMaybe if you offer to help him with the bus fare would he consider coming? That is sad...sorry to hear that...hugs, LilyThu, 03 Jul 2008 19:39:01 GMTHappyLilyhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxIt's so sad when parents prove themselves unreliable :(<P>My cousin's husband was shot by the police. The day of the funeral, my cousin's father left on some tropical vacation. Couldn't even be bothered to go to the funeral to support his daughter! I think people like that need a good shaking :(<P>ETA - It won't set the tone for the day if you refuse to let it! Celebrate the guests who ARE there, and cherish and appreciate those relationships :)Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:08:37 GMTsarahandrob2010http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxOh wow...I am so sorry for you having to go through this :( hopefully he ends up coming. I mean...he's your DAD...how can he justify not being there?? Is there anyone else that is coming to the wedding that may be able to car-pool with him from his area? Maybe you could split the cost of the bus with him? Or tell him not to worry about bringing a gift, that his presence is enough?? Something like that? I really hope this works out for you.Thu, 03 Jul 2008 17:03:48 GMTcfrankehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxI wish I could hand you a check so that your dad could come. I still think that maybe he might change his mind. My fiancee's daughter went away to get married and didn't tell anyone, but they are still close. I hope things work out.</P><P>My heart bleeds for you, I am so sorry.Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:02:38 GMTloriellen7http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxOkay, I can relate to this thread. My father isn't coming to my wedding either. Basically, we told him we were going away to get married and then two weeks after telling him this then his lady friend planned a month long vacation for them. Therefore, they cannot afford to go on two big vacations this year, so he's not coming to the wedding. How convenient of his lady friend to plan a big vacation to avoid my wedding!! (I feel like saying mean things about her.)</P><P>Basically, I've come to terms with it now. He won't be there and it's his loss. However, now my mom can't come b/c of medical reasons, so it's a bit sad, but at least she has a reason. This day isn't for our families or friends, so we are making sure we have our day and there will be many other special days that family can share with us. There are babies, anniversaries, birthdays, and other events you can share with your dad. Weddings are special, but I think if you make it a lifetime and can share a 50th anniversary with friends and family then that will be even better.Thu, 03 Jul 2008 13:51:55 GMTMrsSofaQueenhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxI'm very sorry your going through this.</P><P>Have you talked to him, like a good heart to heart? Is there another reason other than he can't afford it? Maybe he feels bad about not having much money or being able to help with the wedding. Can you help him at all, like pay for a bus ticket and his tux or suit. Maybe he will feel better then.</P><P>I really hope you guys work through this.</P><P>HUGS!Thu, 03 Jul 2008 11:16:21 GMTluingehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxHe's not coming because he "can't afford it," but, like I said earlier, he's had more than a year's notice of the exact date. And, a bus ticket (round trip!!!) only costs $218!!! And he has already been told that he can stay with my grandparents while he's here... I just don't get it. :( Maybe he doesn't want to come?<br><br>If he doesn't come, what do I do? Just keep talking to him and let him think that he didn't do anything wrong? Or do I stop talking to him for at least a few months and let him feel bad? The only problem with not talking to him is that my youngest brother lives with him (Thomas is 2), and if I don't talk to my dad, I don't get to talk to Thomas, and that's not fair to him!<br><br>Ah... What am I supposed to do/feel? I feel so sad.Thu, 03 Jul 2008 11:02:49 GMTEmilieJ87http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxWhy is he not coming? I am so sorry for you. I lost my dad about 15 years ago to a heart attack and my mother doesn't like my fiancee so she won't be coming to my wedding either.</P><P>All I can say is have a wonderful day, maybe he will change his mind.Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:05:49 GMTloriellen7http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic422882-6-1.aspxSo, he's not coming. I cry about it almost every day. My wedding is in less than 3 months. I'm scared that this is going to set the mood for the entire day. People tell me not to be sad, but how can I not? He's my dad, he should be here. He's had more than a year's notice. He could have arranged it, and he didn't. How am I supposed to feel?<br><br>Guess I just have to vent to someone who will hopefully take my side instead of his. :(Thu, 03 Jul 2008 09:56:31 GMTEmilieJ87