InstantForum.NET v4.1.4CanadianBride.com Talkboardshttp://forums.canadianbride.com/bounce@canadianbride.comWed, 15 Oct 2008 23:03:42 GMT20http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxi take everyones advice with great appreciation... it is not doubts that I am having, I think of it more of a WOW!!! We are having a LONG engagement just for that reason, we want to make sure. I am a child from a divorced family and I know I do not want to be in that situation if we have children. I want to make it work if there were problems down the road. FH knows about these thoughts and has told me not to worry, he is not going to leave me or anything... i think my whole problem is fear of abandonment since my mother left when I was only 5 years old.Sun, 09 Apr 2006 00:21:55 GMTdesbride07http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspx[quote][b]dansfiance (4/8/2006)[/b][hr]I've thought about this a couple times.. I was the one who never thought they would get married.. EVER.. and now that I'm engaged.. it's a great feeling.. but.. I sit back and wonder.. mind you, now I want to get married and get all this planning over with!! I want to see the end result damn it![/quote]</P><P>LMAO @ now I want to get married and get all this planning over with!! I want to see the end result damn it! </P><P>you know what it looks like in your mind .. in your vision .. the rest of us wanna see the end result too damn it lol .... hehehehSat, 08 Apr 2006 22:43:28 GMTMrsMtobehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxDon't worry, I'm sure we all get these feelings at some point or another. FH and I took a pre-marital course by a couple that was married for 14 years and they said even within the first couple months of marriage some people may ask themselves, "OMG did I marry the right person, did I do the right thing?" They even told us that those feeling are completely NORMAL. Just take a deep breath and think about how much your FH loves and cares for you.Sat, 08 Apr 2006 16:46:43 GMTmspi7http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxI've thought about this a couple times.. I was the one who never thought they would get married.. EVER.. and now that I'm engaged.. it's a great feeling.. but.. I sit back and wonder.. mind you, now I want to get married and get all this planning over with!! I want to see the end result damn it!Sat, 08 Apr 2006 15:51:09 GMTdansfiancehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxI know this probably isn't what anyone wants to hear, but I think if there are any doubts at all then you should wait. I don't belive marriage fundimentally changes anything in a relationship, but it does come with some very high expectations and added pressures (ex. now it's not breaking up, it's a divorice).<br><br>My FH was thinking of proposing over four years ago. We had been together five years at that point and I positive that the relationship was one I wanted to stay in forever. However, I did not feel ready to be married. I had the same little doubts you are describing. <br><br>I wanted to be fully sure of who I was as a person before being married. I wanted to explore the person I was, and explore the idea of having a life with someone else and all the things that means. I've always thought that the romantic notion of "one heart beating in two bodies" was nonsense, not to mention disrespectful. I am a full and complete person all on my own, as is he. My happiness rests with me, not anyone else. I felt that only when I was fully comforatble and confident in myself, would I be ready to enter a marriage. That scary statistic that says that 1/2 off all marriages will end means that there are a lot of people out there who are making mistakes (either by entering into a marriage, or while they are married). So if you have any little doubts what so ever, I encourage you to explore them. Don't just push them away, because you may be trying to tell yourself something. (This isn't to say there is anything wrong with your relationship, because there probably isn't.) <br><br>NOW I feel ready to be married. Yes, it was a long time to wait but there isn't a single doubt in my mind. I am sure of who I am, I am sure of us, and I feel I respect the relationship we have.<br><br>I wanted to edit this to add that I don't think there is a time line or an age limit on feeling fully ready. I took a long time, but some people (and couples) don't need as long to know beyond a shadow of a doubt what's right for them. :)<br>Sat, 08 Apr 2006 15:46:02 GMTEmberhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxI think that all brides have these feelings at some point or another. IT is when the negatives are outweighting the positives of marriage that you should get concerned. At the same time, I think marriage is one of the biggest transitions that you will make in your life.... so it is normal to feel excited, scared, happy and nervous all in the same breath! Don't worry.... just take in all the excitement..... breath ~ Alli xoxoxoSat, 08 Apr 2006 14:07:30 GMTalligaphttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxOk, not to be a downer or anything, but if you have questions and doubts....you need to explore these feelings. There is a difference between normal 'cold feet' and serious doubts. I'm not saying you are having serious doubts, but I really encourage women who do to be totally honest with themselves.</P><P>I've seen women ignore their gut and talk themselves into something that they know deep down is not the best thing. I've been there.</P><P>I am saying this with love and concern, I am not trying to be a b!tch or anything here...Sat, 08 Apr 2006 13:20:10 GMTkrukhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxi was afraid to post this because i felt i would be the only one who felt this way.... i am sooo happy that i am not. All my girlfriends are not getting married, one of them had a boyfriend so i can sorta talk to her about it but its really not that same as talking to you ladies since you are planning weddings and stuff. All my other girlfriends are always in between boyfriends and they just do not understand... they constantly want me to break it off so i can be single again... wft!!! i do not really believe thats what friends are for and i stopped hanging out with them for that reason. My sister is just hard for me to talk to just because she is the type of person who always thinks she is right no matter what the topic is. so i am happy that i can express myself on here without feeling guilty!!</P><P>thank you all for your advice... i know everything will be okay!!!Sat, 08 Apr 2006 13:04:45 GMTdesbride07http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspx[quote][b]ScotBride (4/8/2006)[/b][hr]I echo these ladies sentiments...<P>I often, at night and alone, wonder if I'm making the right decision to get married. But then I think of all the reasons we're getting married...</P><P>How much we love each other...<BR>How he treats me with such respect and care...<BR>How he lets me be weak and strong in the same breath...<BR><BR>Just take a deep breathe when you start to worry and remember why your doing this. He is your one and only and your spending your lives together both private and publicly.[/quote]<P>- Exactly -<P>I had the thoughts about waking up one morning and not even knowing who my FH is too. It's wierd isn't it? It seems like we've just met and I just keep wondering how on earth did the two of us get this far?! But I look back at the 5 years we have spent together and remember all the ups and downs we've been through and realize that I wouldn't be where I am without him helping me along my way. Just think of all the happy times you've been through together, and even the sad ones...That's what I do...I just think, if we can make it though all that we have (which is really bad :crying:) we can make it though anything :)<P>Everything will be okay.<P>StaceySat, 08 Apr 2006 12:47:43 GMTstacey8422http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxI echo these ladies sentiments...</P><P>I often, at night and alone, wonder if I'm making the right decision to get married. But then I think of all the reasons we're getting married...</P><P>How much we love each other...<BR>How he treats me with such respect and care...<BR>How he lets me be weak and strong in the same breath...<BR><BR>Just take a deep breathe when you start to worry and remember why your doing this. He is your one and only and your spending your lives together both private and publicly.Sat, 08 Apr 2006 09:37:57 GMTScotBridehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxJust breathe, especially when you're alone this happens. It happens to me all the time, "Is this a mistake?" Then i bash my head into my wall lol and remember who he is :)Sat, 08 Apr 2006 05:28:02 GMTcrazykewlhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxoh you arent the only one feeling like this .... I'm 36 and never in a million years did I ever think I would take this step in life ... I'm independent ... always have been and while I've had my fair share of boyfriends I never wanted to settle down with any. As I got older ... I wanted a child more than a husband. Now, I think .. if I have a child, how on earth could I deny them their right to having a father around???? </P><P>OK i'm rambling now(it's 5:30am so gimme a break lol ) ... but I understand your point in your post ... just know you arent alone! :)Sat, 08 Apr 2006 05:21:44 GMTMrsMtobehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxIts a big step. If you weren't questioning your future then I think there would be something wrong. It is natural to want to look at the different aspect. Just don't scare yourself. You have to take chances in life. I mean unless he is violent and you don't love him then you have to look at what you want.</P><P><FONT color=#1f5080 size=2>Take care sweetie...it is normal how you are feeling.</FONT>Fri, 07 Apr 2006 22:57:32 GMTUneekBridehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6131-6-1.aspxOkay, I am very excited about getting married, actually beyond explanation.... but sometimes when I am alone (which is most nights, FH works nights Mon- Thurs) i start thinking... sometimes i wonder if we are rushing things, going too fast or marrying too young... I know deep down that everything is awesome and everything is okay but do you ladies ever feel that way???</P><P>for me, its too surreal i guess, like OMG i am actually getting married.. sorta hard to believe... like a dream... i am always wondering if i am going to wake up and somehow not even know my FH and everything will be back to how my life was before i met him. I am not having cold feet or anything its just i guess i never pictured myself getting married until i met my FH so im kinda like I hope i am doing the right thing, BUT i know i am!!! its SO hard to explain without it sounding like i am having doubts.... which i am not!!! I love him so much and i want to start a family with him, grow old with him... he is my life, my soul, without him i am nothing...Fri, 07 Apr 2006 22:50:46 GMTdesbride07