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RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

Anik664 — Fri, 09 May 2008 11:19:17 GMT

YAY! Good for you. Its so sad how far you have to go sometimes, just to get your way.. And really, its not like requesting a specific colour of vest is a lot to ask, especially when its a wedding! I'm glad it all worked out in the end and your ffil's girlfriend sounds awesome.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

jwick7 — Fri, 09 May 2008 09:56:08 GMT

UPDATE #2..... So i left it up to FH to deal with, and deal with it, he did. The first thing he did, obviously, we ensure that the vests were all switched back to the original colours. Then he e mailed his dad's new wife, and together they created a plan. She told FFIL that she had bought her dress and it was bright pink, so she went ahead and changed his vest colour to a bright "almost fluorescent" pink, so they could match. Knowing how this would likely be taken as a threat on his manhood, she was convinced he wouldn't go for it. She couldn't have been more right. He flew off the handle and told her no way is he going to match his wife. He demanded a charcoal vest...just what we wanted.

Sometimes the best way to deal with control freaks and a$$'s, is to make everything their own idea. Everyone is happy now, and he will have no idea he got played, until they get ready for the wedding, and her dress is clearly not "fluorescent" pink. Bahahaha I wish i could witness that moment. Way to go FH and FSMIL (step mom in law)!

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

pbz — Tue, 06 May 2008 23:29:29 GMT

:laugh:

one day you two will have so much to look back on and laugh at

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

Anik664 — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:54:03 GMT

[quote][b]lovemrk (5/6/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]jwick7 (5/6/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]LnG (5/6/2008)[/b][hr]ok i honestly thought you were being a bridezilla, but that's just insane...my question is why would the tux shop accept changes from anyone other than the bride or groom? ridiculous! your FFIL is crazy, i feel for you![/quote]

I knew some of you thought i was a crazy wench! hahaha. I wouldn't have been upset, had he just been a run-of-the-mill poppa who would rather wear brown. He's just insane sometimes. And i asked the same question about the tux shop when he first changed his own vest, not to mention this time. Can't wait to see how FH handles this.[/quote]

Please keep us updated!!!![/quote]

haha yeah... this one is juicy.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

lovemrk — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:17:42 GMT

[quote][b]jwick7 (5/6/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]LnG (5/6/2008)[/b][hr]ok i honestly thought you were being a bridezilla, but that's just insane...my question is why would the tux shop accept changes from anyone other than the bride or groom? ridiculous! your FFIL is crazy, i feel for you![/quote]

I knew some of you thought i was a crazy wench! hahaha. I wouldn't have been upset, had he just been a run-of-the-mill poppa who would rather wear brown. He's just insane sometimes. And i asked the same question about the tux shop when he first changed his own vest, not to mention this time. Can't wait to see how FH handles this.[/quote]

Please keep us updated!!!!

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

Zim — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:13:15 GMT

It sounds like the problem is almost resolved, but for anyone else who is worried about matching clothes, just remember that you can always have your photos done in classy black and white :)

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

jwick7 — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:45:51 GMT

[quote][b]LnG (5/6/2008)[/b][hr]ok i honestly thought you were being a bridezilla, but that's just insane...my question is why would the tux shop accept changes from anyone other than the bride or groom? ridiculous! your FFIL is crazy, i feel for you![/quote]

I knew some of you thought i was a crazy wench! hahaha. I wouldn't have been upset, had he just been a run-of-the-mill poppa who would rather wear brown. He's just insane sometimes. And i asked the same question about the tux shop when he first changed his own vest, not to mention this time. Can't wait to see how FH handles this.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

LnG — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:16:02 GMT

ok i honestly thought you were being a bridezilla, but that's just insane...my question is why would the tux shop accept changes from anyone other than the bride or groom? ridiculous! your FFIL is crazy, i feel for you!

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

jwick7 — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:10:34 GMT

UPDATE!!!

I knew i wasn't crazy for this to be bugging me..... he took it one step further. I got a call this morning from the place we are renting tuxes from. FFIL called and changed the colors for all of the vests, including the grooms! They just wanted to call us to confirm the change. I almost died laughing. He put the groom in some red print thing (because my dress has red in it, i presume?!) and then the groomsmen, himself, and my dad in black. Well... he did say he wanted to be 'included'. Now he's not only included, he seems to have promoted himself to part of the immediate bridal party. lol .

My FH is more upset than myself now. I just think its comedic, and I'm letting him deal with it from here on. Hey, who knows, maybe he'll have a nice white pant suit picked out for me by the time we get to the wedding.:P

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

Chrissy616 — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:04:06 GMT

You simply cannot tell your FFIL what to wear. The only ones who are required to wear what you tell them to is your wedding party. HOWEVER I totally think your FFIL is a jackass for not going along with your suggestion! I picked out the tuxes for my dad and FIL for our wedding and even though my FIL is such a jerk he went along with it. I didn't think it got any worse then my FIL! Try not to let him get under skin because it seems like that's exactly what he wants to do.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

jen39 — Tue, 06 May 2008 14:31:24 GMT

to the OP

Don't ya just LOVE in laws :D:hehe:

Honestly sweetie, i'd be PO'ed if say the guys are wearing red, your groom is wearing black, and you chose charcoal for teh guys, but then FIL when and chose like florescent pink, yeah then I'd be PO'ed...but its still, in essense, a grey right? Based on principle, its irritating and obnoxious...but in reality, you'll drive yourself right to the bottom of a 40 of vodka if you sweat stuff like this.

Oh if only I could practice what I preach *looks up from the bottom of the vodka bottle*

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

novalt — Tue, 06 May 2008 13:42:04 GMT

I agree with PPs - don't sweat it too much... I definitely feel/hear your frustration in your messages, clearly there are more issues involved then just the suit, but don't let it ruin your day!

Ever seen bad boys II?? Remember Martin Lawrence and his pressure points?? Take a moment for a whooo-saaah.. haha

I'm taking my dad to get a suit - he's not really good at dressing himself.. he's the type of dad that wears his dirty work clothes 24/7.. lol.. Sometimes we buy him a new shirt/sweater for father's day/bday and we have to beg hime not to wear to work and ruin it! lol

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

Anik664 — Tue, 06 May 2008 13:02:49 GMT

To the OP:

I know how you feel!! I had the same kind of thing happen except it was the opposite. FH and I want a casual wedding and we requested that everyone wear whatever they want... nothing needs to be purchased or anything. FMIL decided that she needed a swatch of our colours so she could go out and buy a matching dress and she needs to get a matching tux for FFIL! ARG!!

I feel its really disrespectful to go against the brides wishes like that. FMIL said she was concerned about the pictures. Quite honestly, I think the pics would look super crappy if only one side of the family matched and also, the "matching" thing is not the look or feel we are going for.

In the end, I never gave her a swatch... she went out and bought a periwinkle dress.. which will clash with my tiffany blue colour.. so she kinda dug her own grave with that one. She bought Future Grandmother a matching outfit though.. browns. I let the whole thing slide..she can go out and buy matching crap if she wants.. because its not really going to match anyway.

I know how you feel, its your wedding, its your day, its your photos and your memories. If you requested something specific and your ffil went against your wishes.. hes being rude and you most def are allowed to be pissed. :)

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

Sodayah — Tue, 06 May 2008 12:46:34 GMT

We took the fathers in to choose that they were going to wear when we went in to decide what the GM and FH were going to wear. That being said I turned around for 2 min to look into a new suit shirt for FH and FFIL chose a red cumber bun knowing full well FH was going to be the only man wearing red.

In-laws can be nutty people just grin and bear it, in the grand scheme of things it's not that important.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

Queen*Bee — Tue, 06 May 2008 11:13:00 GMT

Let him wear whatever he wants.

We gave our dads the choice of wearing the same tie as the other guys... my dad wanted to wear it, FIL didn't. He wore something else and it was fine

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

LnG — Tue, 06 May 2008 11:08:27 GMT

[quote][b]jwick7 (5/5/2008)[/b][hr]I guess i forgot the essence of the story, he was the one who insisted on having the fathers be "included" in the wedding by wearing clothing that included them. I was fine with my dad wearing a suit or whatever he wanted, but FFIL wanted to be wearing the same tuxes as the boys. I'm not the crazy type bride a few of you seem to imagine i am. I didn't even tell my bridesmaids what to wear!

[/quote]

if he's the one that insisted they have matching clothes, then why do you care if he changed his mind? just drop it, don't cause stress for yourself and your family by making a stink about a completely insignificant thing...

if you didn't even tell your BMs what to wear, then why do you care what your FFIL wears?

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

missdish — Tue, 06 May 2008 11:04:11 GMT

Does he really need to match?

I don't want my FFIL matching the guys in the WP

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

CanksMcGee — Tue, 06 May 2008 07:56:14 GMT

I have felt your pain, somewhat. We didn't really have a wedding party, just a MOH and BM. Parents were allowed to wear whatever they wanted (we assumed that as adults, they could handle this on their own). DH was NOT wearing a tux, he wanted to wear a suit, as did BM. My father took his cue from that, and wore a suit as well. FIL? Well, he was the ONLY PERSON at our wedding wearing a tux!!!!! Yes, he knew that DH and BM were wearing suits. And MIL? She wore a dress that looked like it was off the rack from Winners. No biggie, but they looked like idiots, since they did not match AT ALL. Picture the parents of the groom in a summer dress and a tux:doze: I actually asked my husband if they got dressed separately.

Did it RUIN my wedding? No. But I am reminded of it every time I look at the pics, and it did and does still bug me. More in a 'Who the hell does that?' kind of way.

Anyways, it's true that in the big scheme of things it's not a big deal, but I know how frustrating and annoying it is.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

igottajlo — Tue, 06 May 2008 07:04:57 GMT

To the OP: HONESTLY, I would just let this go. He may have been the one who wanted to wear the same thing as the guys in the BP, but he's obviously changed his mind. If originally you were going to let the dads wear whatever they wanted, just go back to that original idea.

I don't think anyone thinks you're crazy or acting strange. You asked for our opinion on the subject and the opinion of a few, including myself, is that you should just drop it. I don't think you're crazy ... just frustrated your FFIL changed his mind. :)

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

Evan1009 — Tue, 06 May 2008 00:27:27 GMT

[quote][b]jwick7 (5/5/2008)[/b][hr]

Not to mention this is the same man who stood up to toast us at our engagement dinner, and announced that he had secretly remarried. hahaha

[/quote]

sorry but I think that's awesome! haha! what a surprise! I wish my famliy did fun stuff like that.

And since it was his idea to match and he changed his mind it shouldn't matter to you that he chose a different color, not worth the stress! Unless the colors will clash in the photos and look ridiculous then who cares.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

jwick7 — Mon, 05 May 2008 23:29:47 GMT

I guess i forgot the essence of the story, he was the one who insisted on having the fathers be "included" in the wedding by wearing clothing that included them. I was fine with my dad wearing a suit or whatever he wanted, but FFIL wanted to be wearing the same tuxes as the boys. I'm not the crazy type bride a few of you seem to imagine i am. I didn't even tell my bridesmaids what to wear!

Not to mention this is the same man who stood up to toast us at our engagement dinner, and announced that he had secretly remarried. hahaha

Like i said, deep lying issues, and this was the proverbial straw.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

Zim — Mon, 05 May 2008 22:15:43 GMT

This may console you...

My fiance will wear a suit he already has (black), the best man bought a suit without asking us anything (grey pinstripe), my dad wants a dinner suit, and I'm not sure what my father-in-law will be wearing...

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

lovemrk — Mon, 05 May 2008 21:09:42 GMT

I think the point here is that the bride and groom had already chosen the colours for the guys to wear (as much as they really shouldn't have, because I agree with the PP, people should wear what they want to wear). Having said that, now that the colours were chosen by you, yes, I don't agree with FFIL having switched the colours on you. JMO.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

dolphingir — Mon, 05 May 2008 19:18:21 GMT

You only are suppose to choose the groomsmen's tuxes. Your FFIL can wear whatever he likes. My brother-in-law is getting married soon and his Dad HATES what he's chosen for the GM to wear and he's going to choose what he wants to wear. When I got married my Dad chose a vest colour to match my Mom's dress and it looked awesome!!! Don't sweat the small stuff.

RE: FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

XoXo — Mon, 05 May 2008 19:00:49 GMT

We didn't choose our parent's clothes... we let them decide for themselves. I think you're making too big a deal of it. HE has to wear it, so why not let him be comfortable with what he's wearing??? If one of the Groomsmen or something had done that, it's might be a bit of a different story, because you might want them to all match... but is FFIL in the wedding party? If not, I'd lay off and just let him wear what he wants! Just because it's your day doesn't mean you're allowed to decide what others wear...

Good luck resolving the issue...

FFIL won't wear the vest colour we chose

jwick7 — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:46:39 GMT

Apology for the length......

I know it's not a big deal, but this is so typical of my selfish, childish FFIL. We (FH and I) went and picked out the tuxes, vests, blah blah blah. We sent e mails out to let the guys know they just needed to pop in for the fittings. Well, sure enough, first one in is FFIL. He e mails to let us know that things went great and he chose the chocolate brown vest, so he can match his new wife's outfit.

I almost fell off my chair. First, why would the store let him change that without our approval? I called to ask, but still haven't got a response.

Secondly, how inconsiderate. The ones we chose weren't a suggestion, more of a REQUIREMENT!! Leave it to FFIL to make sure everyone knows he's in control. BAH!

Then i find out his wife hasn't even chosen her outfit yet, and now she's stressed because she has to match his vest.

Ok... so they come over for dinner, and i can't take it anymore. She starts talking about how she needs to go shopping for the brown dress so she can match. I pretend like this is the first i have heard about "browngate" (the code name we now use). I laugh and pretend i think she's kidding. They look at eachother, i pretend to realize they're not kidding. Awkward silence. I ask what happened to the charcoal. FH ABANDONS ME AND LEAVES THE ROOM!! hahaha. FFIL says he doesn't like the charcoal. I tell him that the days of matching your spouse 24/7 are long gone, and perhaps he should consider what the BRIDE AND GROOM wanted for their photos. He chugs his glass of wine, and the conversation is over.

Am i totally crazy to be annoyed by this? Of course there is so much more that has lead up to this, but i just feel like he is so selfish.

I think I'm going to call the tux place and have them change it back, without telling him, and let him find out the day of the wedding. Bahahaha. Cruel?