InstantForum.NET v4.1.4CanadianBride.com Talkboardshttp://forums.canadianbride.com/bounce@canadianbride.comFri, 16 May 2008 07:46:48 GMT20http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspx[quote][b]lovemrk (5/7/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]npiesco (5/7/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]SofaQueen (5/7/2008)[/b][hr]First, this is so minor.<P>Second, a gift is a voluntary item given to another without any strings attached. When giving a gift one cannot have strings attached to it. Here's a gift, now use it as you see if and when you see fit.[/quote]<P>Yes, it was a gift, but it was a gift with a purpose. It was not given to her as just any old dress for a birthday. It was a dress given to her by the bride to WEAR FOR THE WEDDING. To me, that changes things.[/quote]<P>AMEN AGAIN!!!![/quote]<P> <P>amen x 2<P>So I took into account of all the responses and I talked to my BM, and I just reminded her that she will be responsible for the dry cleaning and replacement of the garment in case something happened to it. And that I prefer, if it is going to be worn, not be worn on a daily basis. She was fine with it and understood. It didn't become a big deal.<BR>Thanks for all your responses :) I really appricate it!Mon, 12 May 2008 12:38:48 GMTlolaghttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspx[quote][b]SofaQueen (5/7/2008)[/b][hr]First, this is so minor.<br><br>Second, a gift is a voluntary item given to another without any strings attached. When giving a gift one cannot have strings attached to it. Here's a gift, now use it as you see if and when you see fit.[/quote]<br><br>I 100% agree!<br>And like I said in the first post I made in this thread, if the OP was so insistent on the girls not wearing their clothes, she should've just kept them in her own closet until the day of.Wed, 07 May 2008 18:17:01 GMTXoXohttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspx[quote][b]npiesco (5/7/2008)[/b][hr][quote][b]SofaQueen (5/7/2008)[/b][hr]First, this is so minor.<P>Second, a gift is a voluntary item given to another without any strings attached. When giving a gift one cannot have strings attached to it. Here's a gift, now use it as you see if and when you see fit.[/quote]<P>Yes, it was a gift, but it was a gift with a purpose. It was not given to her as just any old dress for a birthday. It was a dress given to her by the bride to WEAR FOR THE WEDDING. To me, that changes things.[/quote]<P>AMEN AGAIN!!!!Wed, 07 May 2008 17:57:25 GMTlovemrkhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspx[quote][b]npiesco (5/7/2008)[/b][hr]To me, this all comes down to common sense. If you have a dress that you are to wear to a wedding, where you are in the wedding party and the dress was given to you by the bride, should you really wear it beforehand? I mean, there are so many if's that could happen. What if the dress is torn (which has happened to me before so yes, it really could happen), what if it gets stained and the stain cannot be removed, etc. Do you really want to put yourself and the bride in that position? As if the bride isn't going through enough stress, must you add to it unnecessarily? Out of common courtesy, I would not. After the wedding, you can do with the dress as you please. I just think it's kind of inconsiderate of the person who wears it knowing that the bride wished it to be worn first at the wedding and knowing that something could happen to it.<P>It is fairly minor, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. That's just my opinion.[/quote]<P>AMEN!!!!Wed, 07 May 2008 17:57:04 GMTlovemrkhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspx[quote][b]SofaQueen (5/7/2008)[/b][hr]First, this is so minor.</P><P>Second, a gift is a voluntary item given to another without any strings attached. When giving a gift one cannot have strings attached to it. Here's a gift, now use it as you see if and when you see fit.[/quote]<P>Yes, it was a gift, but it was a gift with a purpose. It was not given to her as just any old dress for a birthday. It was a dress given to her by the bride to WEAR FOR THE WEDDING. To me, that changes things.Wed, 07 May 2008 15:26:23 GMTnpiescohttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxTo me, this all comes down to common sense. If you have a dress that you are to wear to a wedding, where you are in the wedding party and the dress was given to you by the bride, should you really wear it beforehand? I mean, there are so many if's that could happen. What if the dress is torn (which has happened to me before so yes, it really could happen), what if it gets stained and the stain cannot be removed, etc. Do you really want to put yourself and the bride in that position? As if the bride isn't going through enough stress, must you add to it unnecessarily? Out of common courtesy, I would not. After the wedding, you can do with the dress as you please. I just think it's kind of inconsiderate of the person who wears it knowing that the bride wished it to be worn first at the wedding and knowing that something could happen to it.</P><P>It is fairly minor, but that doesn't mean it doesn't matter. That's just my opinion.Wed, 07 May 2008 15:25:09 GMTnpiescohttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxFirst, this is so minor.</P><P>Second, a gift is a voluntary item given to another without any strings attached. When giving a gift one cannot have strings attached to it. Here's a gift, now use it as you see if and when you see fit.Wed, 07 May 2008 14:01:10 GMTSofaQueenhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxI don't think there's much point in confronting her on it. What's done is done and you can't change it. In the grand scheme of things it won't matter.</P><P>My sister has been wearing her MOH dress out dancing several times and I'm actually quite glad that she likes it enough to do so. SHe know's she'll be responsible if it gets dirty and she'll have it dry cleaned before the wedding.</P><P>Try not to let this one eat you up.Wed, 07 May 2008 12:59:59 GMTSintiumhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxI don't think you're being a bridezilla. If she had paid for it, I would feel differently, but you paid, so technically it's your dress at least until the wedding's over. Wed, 07 May 2008 09:31:46 GMTsilvarazzhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspx[quote][b]MrsZator (5/6/2008)[/b][hr]Im on the fence... I would be upset... but it seems so minor... I dont know what I would do lol sorry Im no help :([/quote]</P><P>I agree. I'd be upset, but I would hope that I could remember that in the grand scheme of things, it probably won't matter longterm.</P><P>I do think it was offside of her to wear it after you'd specifically asked her not to. And frankly, I'm surprised that she would wear it. It <U>seems</U> to be one of those generally accepted rules that you don't wear the wedding attire before the wedding. But like everything, I suppose there are people who are unfamiliar with the etiquette or just don't agree with it.Wed, 07 May 2008 07:19:18 GMTsarahandrob09http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxIm on the fence... I would be upset... but it seems so minor... I dont know what I would do lol sorry Im no help :(Tue, 06 May 2008 22:56:38 GMTMrsZatorhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxIts a compliment...she liked the shrug and is getting use out of it. Im sure she took good care of it and it will look beautiful on the day!!!! Now worries, she must just really love it...Tue, 06 May 2008 19:23:45 GMTTicabridehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxI don't think it's a huge deal she wore the shrug beforehand, but if you specifically asked her not to then I would ask her to have it dry-cleaned before the wedding. I totally understand that you don't want something looking well used on your wedding day and since you paid for it I think she should have it cleaned at her cost.Tue, 06 May 2008 09:21:41 GMTames09http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxI would honestly have to put myself in your shoes and say, no I wouldn't want her to wear it before the wedding.(regardless of who paid for it) After the wedding, who cares? Tue, 06 May 2008 08:24:38 GMTlovemrkhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxIf YOU paid for it you can ask her not to wear it before hand. If SHE bought it you can't. If she looks like a mess because her dress isn't in good shape when the rest are who will that reflect badly on? Her not you.<br><br>Two of my girls are wearing their dresses before to other events and I have asked them not to make a mess of them but I didn't mind.Tue, 06 May 2008 07:12:12 GMTSodayahhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxLet it go. It's not the end of the world ....Tue, 06 May 2008 07:07:09 GMTigottajlohttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspx[quote][b]jwick7 (5/5/2008)[/b][hr]I couldn't disagree more with the above post. YOU paid for it, and you kindly asked her to save it for the wedding. Sure, she's on the hook if she wrecks it, but what if that happens 2 weeks before the wedding? We all know how long some of those things take to come in. Would she be over-reacting then, when she's down one dress? I don't think so!! You CAN tell her when to wear it. And she should respect that. Nobody's saying she can't wear it more than once, just wait until after the wedding. If it is bothering you and you are honestly worried about it getting ruined or looking 'worn', i would gently say something to her. Maybe offer to have it cleaned for her, seeing as she has worn it lots. Then just hang onto it until closer to the wedding.<BR><BR>Good luck!<BR>[/quote]<P>I 100% agree with this! Actually, I'd want to tell her to buy a new one herself because I didn't want to have ratty, sand-filled clothes at my wedding (unfortunately I'm not that gutsy :( )Tue, 06 May 2008 00:57:49 GMTnenidhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxI couldn't disagree more with the above post. YOU paid for it, and you kindly asked her to save it for the wedding. Sure, she's on the hook if she wrecks it, but what if that happens 2 weeks before the wedding? We all know how long some of those things take to come in. Would she be over-reacting then, when she's down one dress? I don't think so!! You CAN tell her when to wear it. And she should respect that. Nobody's saying she can't wear it more than once, just wait until after the wedding. If it is bothering you and you are honestly worried about it getting ruined or looking 'worn', i would gently say something to her. Maybe offer to have it cleaned for her, seeing as she has worn it lots. Then just hang onto it until closer to the wedding.<br><br>Good luck!<br>Mon, 05 May 2008 23:36:07 GMTjwick7http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxWow... um, I think you're overreacting a little... if you were so insistent on your bridal party not wearing their apparel ahead of time, maybe you should have kept it in your own possession until the time of the wedding... My bridesmaid wore her dress before my wedding. Did I care? No. I was so glad that she was able to wear it more than once, because if that sort of money is going to be spent, and there is an occasion to wear it more than once, why not get your money's worth instead of wearing it only at one occasion??? If she were to ruin it, it would be her own fault. She knows that your wedding is coming up and that's what she is to wear. I think if she does wreck it, she is responsible for replacing it, however, you can't tell her what she can and can not wear.Mon, 05 May 2008 23:12:45 GMTXoXohttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic651925-6-1.aspxSo here I am, talking to one of my bridesmaids. And I'm looking at her display picture on msn/facebook. And clearly she is wearing the shrug for the wedding. So I ask her about it. And yep, she's wearing it. In fact she wore all on her vacation. :w00t:<BR>Wtf...I told them not to wear their dresses and shrugs before the wedding, lol just to point out what was the obvious to me. But apparantly not to her. I'm sorry I don't want my girls to walking down the aisle in something that looks worn already. grrrr, Should I say something to her, or just leave it be. Because I'm sort of freaking out about this. I mean, I bought it for her to wear at the wedding, not on vaca. Or should I just mention that it should be hand washed. Haha, I don't know how more obvious I can be right now. </P><P>Any one else have this problem?Mon, 05 May 2008 21:47:11 GMTlolag