InstantForum.NET v4.1.4CanadianBride.com Talkboardshttp://forums.canadianbride.com/bounce@canadianbride.comSun, 06 Jul 2008 14:20:42 GMT20http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspx[quote][b]fascha (4/12/2006)[/b][hr]Jules you're so cute! lol :D[/quote]Meh.. I try.. :)Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:26:49 GMTdansfiancehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxJules you're so cute! lol :DWed, 12 Apr 2006 09:25:04 GMTfaschahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxalright, after re-reading everything, including my own post, I've come to the realization that:</P><P>a. a money shower is not necessarily a money grab</P><P>b. if it's a tradition, it's a tradition</P><P>c. I really don't like the word tacky.Wed, 12 Apr 2006 09:14:28 GMTdansfiancehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspx[quote][b] if it is a cultural difference and most people from that culture will give money anyway, why the need to be so obvious and tasteless about it? Why not just accept graciously what is given: money from those who choose to give it, gifts from those who don't?[/quote]<P>Ember I agree with this statement wholeheartedly, and it was exactly my thoughts when I decided that I didn't want to have a "Money Shower" <BR>I just think that the way we say it sometimes makes a difference. I mean, when someone says that your wedding or anything about it is tacky, it hurts feelings. I'm not here to do that, but I find myself so angry sometimes that I want to spit blood! Can't people be a little bit kinder when talking to other BTB's that are probably under a lot of pressure and stress already. I mean if I were to make a list of what I thought was "tacky" I think I would probably hurt the feelings of 75% of the brides on these boards... and that's not fairWed, 12 Apr 2006 09:08:33 GMTfaschahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspx[quote][b]alligap (4/12/2006)[/b][hr]Y to me it just looks bad sending out 250 invites which specificallyrequest monetary gifts... to me this is clearly an event for the bride to increase her money in her bank account.... which to me seems rude. ~ Alli xoxo[/quote]<br><br>I don't think anyone has said that all events are a money grab. But this is how the OP is precieving this particualr event and she gives her reasons above. <br><br>I have no problem with having a huge shower or with guests choosing to give the bride cash. Call it cultural or different, it's not how I would do things, but I find nothing wrong with it what so ever. <br><br>I think we're specifically talking about "money shower" which has the request for money on the invite (rather than it just being a given that many people will give money, some will give gifts, and the bride is polite and grateful for what she receives either way - I don't think anyone would have a problem with this). Putting the "money only" makes it seem to many of us that the event is an nothing more than the bride wanting as much money as possible for herself. <br><br>Besides, even if it is a cultural difference and most people from that culture will give money anyway, why the need to be so obvious and tasteless about it? Why not just accept graciously what is given: money from those who choose to give it, gifts from those who don't?Wed, 12 Apr 2006 08:53:34 GMTEmberhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxOk, I have to point something out that I feel everyone is neglecting. </P><P>NOT EVERY WEDDING EVENT IS A CASH GRAB!<BR>I for one can say the cost of my shower, to my mother and MIL, would easily buy me A LOT of fabulous houseware. They are throwing me the shower for the tradition, the ritual, but between cost of the luncheon and favours and prizes and centrepieces, etc....my china cabinet would be full! </P><P>I know 'money showers' are taboo in certain cultures and I'll respect that but a sweeping remark like that is so irritating, because it is not necessarily even remotely true!Wed, 12 Apr 2006 02:56:17 GMTpeach125http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxYes Ember... I agree... it is a free country and people have to right to say how they feel.... in whatever why they want. I didn't think this topic would create such a great debate!! I am surprised!! Personally, I a offended that this bride-to-be- is having her invites say 'monetary gifts only'. I also failed to mention that she is having 250 women to this shower... WHICH IS BIGGER THEN MY WEDDING WILL BE!!! ANyway,,,, to me it just looks bad sending out 250 invites which specifically request monetary gifts... to me this is clearly an event for the bride to increase her money in her bank account.... which to me seems rude. ~ Alli xoxoWed, 12 Apr 2006 01:12:34 GMTalligaphttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxtack·y <br>adj. Informal tack·i·er, tack·i·est<br><br>1. Lacking style or good taste; tawdry: tacky clothes.<br>2. Distasteful or offensive; tasteless: a tacky remark.<br><br>If someone feels something is lacking style or good taste, is distasteful, offensive, or tasteless then what is wrong with using the word "tacky?" It may best describe how someone feels about something. We're on a public forum where people will have differing opinions. I think people get far too worked up over this word.Tue, 11 Apr 2006 18:57:06 GMTEmberhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxThank you ALANA!!! I can handle Ember's "poor taste" lol, but when Allishan dropped the t-bomb my blood boiled! AND IM NOE EVEN HAVING A MONEY SHOWER... I can't imagine how the ladies that ARE feel when they read something like that! Tue, 11 Apr 2006 14:39:57 GMTfaschahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspx[quote][b]kruk (4/11/2006)[/b][hr]LADIES! LISTEN UP....<P>Have we not learned from posting here at CB that money showers are a cultural thing???</P><P>OK, Italian brides...if it is customary in Italian culture to have a money shower than who are we non Italian brides to say it is rude???</P><P>Wow we need some more tolerance of peoples differences on CB. Some people have cash bars, some people have meal service, some people have money showers, some people have no bridal parties, some people have destination weddings, some people marry girls. We are all different. No one is right or wrong here.</P><P>How long do we have to argue over things that its ok not to agree on??</P><P>Now lets just hold hands and sing...</P><P>hugs and kisses[/quote]<P><FONT size=3>I'm glad somebody said it.</FONT><P><FONT size=3>And can we please stop throwing around the words "tacky" and "rude" with this issue? It's an unnecessary adjective in expressing an opinion (there are hundreds of other ways to say what you think without being a jerk about it), and clearly it's p***ing people off.</FONT>Tue, 11 Apr 2006 14:34:31 GMTAlanaBananahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxI don't mind going to money showers, it saves me from going out and buying a gift.Tue, 11 Apr 2006 14:32:56 GMTchrisdannhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxThis is quite common in the area in which I live. I have been to many showers like this where they open the presents when you come in and display them. Most of the showers in my area are 200+ people so they tend to get long and boring so I dont mind not having to sit through them opening the gifts. BUT thats how it is in the area where I live, it may not be the same everywhere! Personally, I would not do it but then I didint have a 200+ shower.Tue, 11 Apr 2006 14:29:06 GMTkromanykhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxthe original poster asked "what do you girls think" about money showers. so, i replied with what *i* think. other people responded with what they think. when people ask for opinions, that's what they get.Tue, 11 Apr 2006 13:24:31 GMTallishanhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspx[quote][b]kruk (4/11/2006)[/b][hr]LADIES! LISTEN UP....<P>Have we not learned from posting here at CB that money showers are a cultural thing???</P><P>OK, Italian brides...if it is customary in Italian culture to have a money shower than who are we non Italian brides to say it is rude???</P><P>Wow we need some more tolerance of peoples differences on CB. Some people have cash bars, some people have meal service, some people have money showers, some people have no bridal parties, some people have destination weddings, some people marry girls. We are all different. No one is right or wrong here.</P><P>How long do we have to argue over things that its ok not to agree on??</P><P>Now lets just hold hands and sing...</P><P>hugs and kisses[/quote]<P>LOL Kruk, well said. Doesn't anyone watch that show "Weird Weddings"? That's a good example of how many different things (different than we're used to) can be done!Tue, 11 Apr 2006 13:01:15 GMTMLDhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxMonetary showers are normal in my circle and most Italian circles.Tue, 11 Apr 2006 12:43:26 GMTBellasposahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxKruk... "Imagine" came on the radio as I was reading your post, LOL! It cracked me up!!!!Tue, 11 Apr 2006 12:19:58 GMTfaschahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxLADIES! LISTEN UP....</P><P>Have we not learned from posting here at CB that money showers are a cultural thing???</P><P>OK, Italian brides...if it is customary in Italian culture to have a money shower than who are we non Italian brides to say it is rude???</P><P>Wow we need some more tolerance of peoples differences on CB. Some people have cash bars, some people have meal service, some people have money showers, some people have no bridal parties, some people have destination weddings, some people marry girls. We are all different. No one is right or wrong here.</P><P>How long do we have to argue over things that its ok not to agree on??</P><P>Now lets just hold hands and sing...</P><P>hugs and kissesTue, 11 Apr 2006 12:07:53 GMTkrukhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxCash isn't given to "offset" the wedding costs, MOST Italians don't put their weddings on credit; I think you're confusing the issue. Cash is given as a GIFT, so that the bride and groom can buy what they want. I also think that you could have chosen a better word other than tacky. IMHOTue, 11 Apr 2006 09:46:06 GMTfaschahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxbecause lingerie is seen as something 'for the bride' to help her with her marriage...not just some cash to help offset the cost of the wedding.Tue, 11 Apr 2006 09:40:33 GMTallishanhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxAllishan what difference does it make if you have a lingerie shower? You're still TELLING people what kind of gifts you want; and it should be considered equally tackyTue, 11 Apr 2006 09:06:02 GMTfaschahttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxi concur, these seem pretty tacky to me. ranks right up there with having a jack &amp; jill for the purpose of making money. if you can't afford to pay for your wedding, then have a cheaper wedding!</P><P>i understand that some folks (myself and my FI included) already live together and have a lot of stuff already, but then why not have a recipe shower, or a lingerie shower, or something like that?Mon, 10 Apr 2006 14:37:57 GMTallishanhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxI'm Italian and am having a monetary shower. However my invitation won't say <STRONG>monetary gifts only</STRONG> and if someone wants to bring a gift instead, great! I also don't agree with the fact of displaying, I will be opening up my own envelopes at home with FH. I'm used to monetary showers, they're a common occurance. I just think it's personal preference. Some people register and some people don't. Pretty much the way it is. And in my experience, someone always ends up getting offended anyways. Mon, 10 Apr 2006 13:48:36 GMTClaudia80http://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxI personally dont' like the idea of a money shower.. it's fun to see what kinds of stuff the bride gets.. to see her expression when she opens a gift up.. and everyone can discuss how they want what she got ..blah blah blah/.</P><P>a money shower just seems.. I dunno.. it's hard to explain and I might get in trouble.. lol.. I just don't agree with them.. JMHOMon, 10 Apr 2006 13:37:46 GMTdansfiancehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxI completely agree, Alli!!!<P>I am Italian...... and I completely DISAGREE with having a money shower. I dunno, maybe it depends on what region of Italy you are from, but in my family, the brides always have normal showers where the guests bring gifts.</P><P>Of course, with many of the women from the older generation, then always give money no matter what... but typically the brides never ask for money. </P><P>What is the point of a shower if the "presents" are all just envelopes with money in them??? Isn't that what your wedding "presents" are for?? A shower (to me), has always been a fun Sunday afternoon with the ladies to open up presents... make that huge tacky hat with the bows on it for the bride.... and play some games with your guests. Having people just show up and give you cash at you just seems so ---- well ---- I don't want to use the "t-word" again. lol. And plus, a shower should be, literally, to "shower" the bride with items that she needs for her new life and new home..... so for those brides who say, "I already have all of my houseware items.... I don't need anything", then my question is, "WHY are you having a shower in the first place then?????" If you don't need anything for your house, then why do you need a shower in the firs place? I just don't get it I guess. IMO, it looks like you are just trying to make some extra cash aside from the cash given at the wedding.</P><P>If my family decides to throw me a shower, I will register for houseware items that <STRONG>I need</STRONG> for the house that FH and I bought together. If people choose to give money instead, that's their choice. But I don't think it's proper to specifically request a "money shower" Mon, 10 Apr 2006 13:22:56 GMTicyweddinghttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspx[quote][b]deloresdoe (4/9/2006)[/b][hr]It is not rude. It is the way italian showers are done. People who go to them all of the time expect it and would find anything else odd. Rather than rude call it different. [/quote]</P><P>I have to agree ... those of us who are Italian tend to give money to the bride at her shower. It is a gift. Acceptable and appreciated. Many italian brides also get gifts .... which are opened by the bridal party after a meal has been served and while games are played. They are NOT opened as they arrive and put on display. They are displayed as they are opened and passed to the bride to look at and oohh and ahh over .. then put on a table for display purposed. </P><P>Isn't it pointless to buy a toaster or blender or whatever you choose for a bride, who may end up with 4 of them at her shower? Instead, a gift of money could be used to purchase whatever she wants or needs for her home after the wedding. </P><P>I know my shower will be a "money shower". It is not a money grab. It is the way Italians do things. I have everything I need; I've been on my own for almost 20 yrs. My FH was also on his own .. we live together and have combined our household items. We ended up with 4 coffeemakes, 2 toasters, 2 microwaves etc etc etc ... do you honestly think I need anything more for my home? NO. However, in the event that someone does bring a gift to my shower, I will open it and graciously thank them for their gift, whatever it may be. </P><P>All that being said .. if you feel you should attend this shower, then go, and bring whatever gift you want. If you dont want to go for whatever reason then dont go. You need to make a choice either way. I agree that putting anything on an invitation about money or gifts is rude. This is not the Italian way with weddings. We do not put info about gifts on our invites for the simple fact that most Italians give cash in a card at any wedding they attend. And yes, I find it rude that she is having her BMs open the gifts as they come in. The guests want to see the bride open the gift and the look of pleasant surprise and happiness on her face when she receives her gift. If I was her guest, I'd want her to open it and see it rather than have someone else do it for her.Mon, 10 Apr 2006 02:36:15 GMTMrsMtobehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspx<P class=MsoNormal style="MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt"><SPAN lang=EN-CA style="FONT-SIZE: 10pt; FONT-FAMILY: Verdana"><FONT color=#000000>We'll... this girl is not doing the invites.. her mother is apparently. And, I feel that those invited to a shower should be close to or know the bride well (at least on some personal level).... so going and purchasing a gift should not be a 'inconvenience". Acknowledging that it is rude, but easier to give money or have a money shower seems extremely impersonal to me. Just MPO ~ Alli xoxo</FONT></SPAN>Sun, 09 Apr 2006 21:36:14 GMTalligaphttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspx<STRONG>see........again, i come from a land where the bride does not invite people to her own shower.</STRONG></P><P><STRONG></STRONG> </P><P><STRONG>as a guest i hate shopping for that perfect gift. money would be easier. rude, maybe, easy, definitely. ember did say it best tho.......if you dont like it dont go. simple really</STRONG>Sun, 09 Apr 2006 20:31:01 GMTdeloresdoehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxthank you Ember... that is exactly how i feel!!! I think TELLING your guests to bring money is completely rude. ~ Alli xoxoSun, 09 Apr 2006 14:36:42 GMTalligaphttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspx[quote][b]alligap (4/8/2006)[/b][hr]I dunno... i am just not big on the 'money grabbing' things that people associate with weddings..... what do you girls all think??? ~ Alli xoxo[/quote]<br><br>I couldn't agree more and I agree competely with your feelings on a money shower. The point of a shower is to "shower the bride with gifts" and I understand that. But my problem comes with the idea that someone feels they have the right to then tell me what they feel I should be getting them, not to mention the fact that I am not a bank machine. If you want cash, go to an ATM. "Monetary gifts ony please" to me reads as nothing more than: "Come to my party and bring hard cash!" It's sad how wide some people's eyes get at the thought of everything they think have coming to them. Talk about a sense of entitlement!<br><br>Then there is the delightful idea that anyone who does get the bride a gift will have that gift opened by a BM. Talk about ungrateful! Someone has gone though all the trouble of taking the time to go shopping, selecting something with care that they hope will make the bride happy, and then taking more time to wrap up their gift. And the bride can't even be bothered to open her own gifts?! Is she worried she might get a paper cut?? <br><br>For a larger shower I can see having some sort of entertainment going on while the bride quietly opens her gifts (and than takes time to then thank everyone). People can than watch her opening if they want, but then they don't have to. If the point of a shower is to "shower the bride with gifts" then the least she can to is be gracious and thankful and open her own damn presents! <br><br>If I was you I wouldn't be going near this shower with a 10 foot pole. She's probably only inviting you to get more "loot." <br><br><br>Sun, 09 Apr 2006 11:16:00 GMTEmberhttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxI am not into the 'money shower'...I think it is rude (call is different if you wish). I have never been invited to an Italian Money Shower, and I have been to a few Italian bridal showers (maybe they think I am rude because I took a gift...but I wasn't the only one, phew (tee hee). I would be insulted if the gifts were opened by a BM but I do agree; do we really need to see every gift opened and play those silly games. Honestly, can the girls all not entertain themselves? My friends and family are fun they don't need encouragement to have fun.:)</P><P>At least we have seen that silly 'cross your legs and lose your clothes peg' game go the wayside. Ohhhh that would be a fun thread...silly shower games that need to crash and burn!Sun, 09 Apr 2006 09:39:33 GMTjulesmchttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxIt is not rude. It is the way italian showers are done. People who go to them all of the time expect it and would find anything else odd. Rather than rude call it different. Sun, 09 Apr 2006 07:37:34 GMTdeloresdoehttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxyes... i will agree that things can get boring... but i have found that it gets like that when the shower is really big..(ie. many mnay guests at the shower). When it is smaller, i think it is more intimate and people can have more comfortable conversations. thanks for your reply though... I am glad i am not the only one that doesn't like 'money showers' ~ Alli xoxoSun, 09 Apr 2006 00:31:36 GMTalligaphttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxI don't like the whole money shower thing... I think people should be free to give what they want as gifts...</P><P>I will say one thing though... I do not enjoy sitting for hours watching people open their gifts to be perfectly honest. It's boring... dishtowels, blenders, pots, pans, plates, wine glasses.... ugh... I wish you could just go to shower, celebrate with the bride, gift a nice gift and skip the lame games and opening of gifts.Sun, 09 Apr 2006 00:23:03 GMTjulieparkeshttp://forums.canadianbride.com/Topic6999-6-1.aspxOK... so I know someone who is going to be having a 'money shower'. She has said that the invitation is going to say 'monetary gifts ony please". THEN, she told me that if ppl bring gifts, she is going to have her bm's open them as the people come in and display them on a table. Is it just me or is this not TOTALLY rude??!! Is watching the bride open gifts not the whole purpose of going/having a shower???? If i get invited to the shower, I am thinking of just not going becasue A... i don't know this girl too well...and B... I just disagree with the whole concept. I dunno... i am just not big on the 'money grabbing' things that people associate with weddings..... what do you girls all think??? ~ Alli xoxoSat, 08 Apr 2006 23:59:34 GMTalligap