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RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

Sodayah — Thu, 15 May 2008 08:23:51 GMT

We have a few things going on in the lead up to our wedding. But we weren't actually expecting gifts for a few of them. Also all these events have been spread over our 2 year engagement period.

We had:
1.) Betrothal (a trial marriage for a year and a day) - We weren't expecting gifts for this but my parents threw a small cake and coffee get together after the ceremony, and a few people got us small gifts.

2.) Engagement Party - We also weren't expecting gifts for this but a lot of people gave anyway. We just wanted our friends and family to know we were getting married and celebrate with us, in fact we were telling people word of mouth that gifts weren't expected.

3.) A shower - coming up this Sunday.

4.) FH is having a bachelor party - The BM is organizing them to get us our bedroom set, as my aunt is getting us a big screen TV for our wedding.

5.) Wedding

We may have an open house BBQ for our friends and family as a thank you for everything they have done once we are settled in our home, but once again gifts aren't expected.

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

lovemrk — Wed, 14 May 2008 18:14:15 GMT

[quote][b]fascha (5/5/2008)[/b][hr]Well as much as these parties are fundraisers in essense, I also believe that a shower and stag are a rite of passage for a B & G so if you don't feel like you're missing out by NOT having one, then don't! If however you feel like you might be missing out on an experience you may later regret just so that your family doesn't buy you gifts, then I would probaby go for it.
I had such a good time at Beans' shower yesterday and she was smiling the whole time... I also heard my brother's stag was a hit from DH and although it cost us some money to get them gifts; we wanted to LOL I wouldn't rob myself of that experience personally, but if you're uncomfortable, as others have already mentioned... don't have one![/quote]

I wasn't aware that a shower and stag were a rite of passage. I thought the actual wedding ceremony was. I have never heard of that but I could be wrong.

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

peach125 — Wed, 14 May 2008 13:07:54 GMT

[quote][b]nenid (5/4/2008)[/b][hr]A friend of mine had:

1) engagement dinner

2) engagement party

3) bridal shower

4) lingerie party

5) jack N jill

6) stag

7) bachlorette party

8) bachelor party - yes, this was separate from the stag

9) wedding

10) now she's throwing a house warming

Excessive- I think so. IMO (and I've even told her this though she didn't appreciate it) it appears that she's just out for a serious cash grab! Note- all of these were held within 1 year[/quote]

Nenid --- a friend of mine did the same thing, just add baby shower and baptism into that mix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (timing was closer to 18 months, but still!!!!)

totally grabs! I was all for the wedding-related events but there are ways to make it less burdensome:

-we didn't do a formal e-party, we had a cake etc, but no formal invites it was more of a bridal party get together.

-my MOH surprised me with a lingerie party, but it was for my birthday, and only included those who would have come out for my birthday anyways.

-we did the bachlorette thing but kept it on the cheap --- cover was $10, no limos or hotels...we blew up air mattresses at our condo and pre-drank/crashed there.

I'm all for enjoying your time as a bride, but you do have to be sensitive to the fact that a) everyone's wallet isn't wide open for YOUR wedding b) everyone's calendar isn't wide open for YOUR wedding.....

don't get me started on the friend who did bridal shower, lingerie shower, birthday, bachlorette party...one each week for hte month leading up to her wedding! by the time the wedding came we were sick of hanging out together (her BMs weren't friends beforehand) and it showed in the lack of enthusiasm at the actual wedding! That's the other thing, don't forget, all these "extras" take away from the main event.

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

Nicotina — Tue, 13 May 2008 11:09:53 GMT

At first I was really anti-shower. We are the last of our group to get married and as such I have been to what seems like a million showers. One couple we know had an engagement party, a shower, a jack and jill as well as a stagette and a stag all of this on top of the wedding. We were really happy for them but could not afford the $100. for every event.

When FH's brother got married last year his bride didn't have a shower. I have always hated the idea of a bunch of people who dodn't know eachother sitting around trying to find something to talk about and watching some woman open presents. I was dissapointed when the FS didn't have one since we actually really wanted to shower them with nice things.

My MOH has decided to throw me one. At first I thought it was silly since we have lived together for almost 7 years and own our own house. Then I realized the people might feel the same way I did about my FS and decided to go for it. I'm only having the one and have decided to register for some stuff that I have always wanted yet never been able to justify buying it for myself.

Hope this helps-

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

punkyb — Fri, 09 May 2008 08:43:27 GMT

The history of the bridal shower

http://www.enotalone.com/article/4005.html

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

canoe-girl — Wed, 07 May 2008 12:42:42 GMT

I agree - it is all up to personal preference.

We didn't have an engagement party, but I'll be having a shower. We aren't having a Jack and Jill as we have lived together for a few years already, and it just doesn't feel right to me to try and have your friends fundraise for you. We might have a "stock the bar" party beforehand though, or something similar. Really, more of an opportunity to party with our friends and family without the fundraising, but haven't decided yet. I probably won't be having a typical stagette, but might go out for dinner with a few girlfriends instead.

So really - you have to decide what fits you and your fiance's personalities, and what you feel comfortable with.

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

chulie — Mon, 05 May 2008 09:10:03 GMT

I definitely agree with both sides of the fence here....it depends on HOW you see these parties and what you are used to of course.....i have about 6 friends get married before me, all different cultures ect...the basics they all had were: bridal shower, stag and doe, stagette/bachelor party and then the wedding.....so..its pretty customary within our group and within my family.....all these event are sorta a chance for all the people to get to know eachother ahead of time.......so that come the wedding people already know eachother.....makes for a much more fun party.....

FH and i were thrown 2 engagement parties by my sister...one for family and one for friends....only because she didnt want to have that many people at her house......i was totally ok with just having family but..she insisted...and my friends kept contacting her to find out when we were going to celebrate.......our wedding party is throwing us a jack and jill.....again.....awesome.....love them for it...because i have thrown one for my friends i know how expensive they are..so FH and i have tried to pay for stuff for them.......in my group a friends..the first thing people ask is....whens the jack and jill..hahaha....even before the wedding........people know we make money off it yes......to cover what we have spent and a little extra for ourselves for the wedding.....but..we did it for others so they have no problem doing it for us....and of course my girls want to take me out for one final wild night out...which again..totally up for it....im not gonna say no!!i cant wait...hahaha...but theres no money made there...its just a girls night out!!!

i think it depends on how people view these events..if you see and treat it as nothing but a money grab...then thats what it is.....if you see it as a great chance for people to get together and get to know eachother and party it up......then thats what they are.......and it depends on who you invite and their attitude twords these things.......we invite people who we love and care about and if they want to bring a friends great......and so because these people love us..they want to support us.....and dont see it as a money grab...they are excited for us because we are getting married and WANT to partake in the festivities.......its like in some cultures people have weddings that last 2 days.....its part of the festivities...so thats what these are......and the people coming want to be part of it....they arent forced to come at all...if they feel its a money grab or whatever...they just decline.....easy as that......so having people who WANT to be there makes for a much better mood at each event!

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

fascha — Mon, 05 May 2008 08:22:38 GMT

Well as much as these parties are fundraisers in essense, I also believe that a shower and stag are a rite of passage for a B & G so if you don't feel like you're missing out by NOT having one, then don't! If however you feel like you might be missing out on an experience you may later regret just so that your family doesn't buy you gifts, then I would probaby go for it.
I had such a good time at Beans' shower yesterday and she was smiling the whole time... I also heard my brother's stag was a hit from DH and although it cost us some money to get them gifts; we wanted to LOL I wouldn't rob myself of that experience personally, but if you're uncomfortable, as others have already mentioned... don't have one!

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

VictoriaJ — Sun, 04 May 2008 13:58:01 GMT

Yes, You can invite people to the Jack & Jill that aren't invited to the wedding, but I guess you should make it known to them that they're not being invited to the wedding somehow. (ie. if you're having a small wedding).

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

nenid — Sun, 04 May 2008 13:44:19 GMT

A friend of mine had:

1) engagement dinner

2) engagement party

3) bridal shower

4) lingerie party

5) jack N jill

6) stag

7) bachlorette party

8) bachelor party - yes, this was separate from the stag

9) wedding

10) now she's throwing a house warming

Excessive- I think so. IMO (and I've even told her this though she didn't appreciate it) it appears that she's just out for a serious cash grab! Note- all of these were held within 1 year

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

wendylady — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:55:29 GMT

I live in Toronto as well and have need to several J&Js.....I had 2 showers...(even though I did not want any) one was my family & friends and the other was the girls from my work.... I did not have an engagement party or a stag or stagette... instead we had a J&J.... not just people that are invited to the wedding are invited... your wedding party usually sell tickets for it... and invite everyone they know... tickets are cheap and depending on where you have it you can make a nice bit of $$$ to help out with costs... as long as you keep costs low and do alot of things your self.....we had a ton of prizes and food that our WP and family all helped with.... it was a great night...everyone had alot of fun and it was cheaper that going out to a club

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

Anik664 — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:28:37 GMT

I started off being completely anti-pre-wedding parties but now, I secretly wish I was having some. I have no bridesmaids and therefore noone to really have the responsibility of planning a bachelorette. My mom WAS starting to plan a shower.. but I refused. NOW I regret it, because I am all wrapped up in all this bride hype and its actually really fun and those parties make you feel special. It's so NOT about the presents...those showers and bachelorettes.. they are all about friends and bonding and just plain old having a good time. I wish I was having one...

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

LilMissTrouble — Fri, 02 May 2008 21:13:18 GMT

FH and I are having an engagement party thrown by my parents for family and family friends. FH's parents might have one that our friends would be invited to.

FH will have a bachelor party, and I'll have a bachelorette party.

I'll probably also have a bridal shower, but I'm not sure yet.

If you don't want people to buy gifts for an event, just put no gifts please. Someone on here suggested writing "your presence is the only present we require," or something like that.

Basically as several others have said, you get to have what you want, nothing is mandatory!

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

BrideWench — Fri, 02 May 2008 20:05:50 GMT

Ahh, I'm not used to that. I live in Toronto, and I hadn't even heard of a stag and doe until this forum. I've known people to have wedding showers, but I never quite got [b]why[/b] people had them.

I like the idea of a Jack and Jill, as a get together with friends for an informal party. Is it ok to invite people to a Jack and Jill if they aren't invited to the wedding though? Or do you just invite those who are invited?

I've never been to any pre-wedding party so I'm a little new to what is customary and what may offend!

It's a bit weird for me as well because I was married once before (At 19. I don't recommend it!). I never was engaged, and only got married at city hall. I missed out!

I guess I should have a few seeing as I certainly do not intend to get married again!! :)

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

Ticabride — Fri, 02 May 2008 17:46:39 GMT

Thats the same with my town...everyone has one here. There isnt really any night life here or too much to do on the weekends. Everyone goes to buck and does around here for something to do on the weekends, I love going to other peoples. They are so the norm here that people actually announce them at the bottom of their engagement announcement in papers. Who doesnt love the prizes, games, cheap drinks and awesome buffet...LOL....

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

amyhwright — Fri, 02 May 2008 13:58:26 GMT

I did not have an engagment party. But I am having a Stagette and my FH just got back from Vegas for his Stag and our Stag and Doe is June 14th. Stag and Doe is toally the norm where I am from..Pretty much the first thing people ask you once the congratulate you is whens the wedding and then whens the stag and doe..In the small towns some Stag and Does make up to $10,000 as everyone comes regardless if they know the Bride and Groom or not!! As for showers I will proabbaly only have the one thrown by my MOH as my FH family lives acroos the country and in the States..

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

ames09 — Fri, 02 May 2008 10:10:56 GMT

IMO - to each their own. I agree with Beans - if you don't want it - don't have it. You can tell your family members your wishes if you don't want the parties thrown for you, or if you enjoy them - than have them!

We're having an engagement party (I'm making the invites this weekend - so excited) and I'm having a shower (thrown by my MOH/FSIL and FMIL) and a bachelorette and FH is having a bachelor party. It's not the norm to do the stage and doe (I had actually never heard of them before coming on here) so we're not having one, but if some couples want to do this - than that's their choice.

It's all personal preferance really.

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

missdish — Fri, 02 May 2008 07:22:53 GMT

I had a shower, nothing else.

If you don't want to do them then don't! Like you said its hitting the same people over and over again!

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

Jenn2008 — Thu, 01 May 2008 20:42:37 GMT

All I had was a shower, well I will be having 3. 2 of them will be family one for each side, both were suppost to be a suprise but I found out about them the third will most likely be for work people. I say most likely because they have a shower for everybody (baby or wedding) so I can only assume they will do it for me also. If it was my choice I would ask them not to do it as nobody from work is even invited to the wedding but that has been the case will all the other work shower too. Anyways, the showers are more then enough for me. We did not have an engagment party or a jack and jill. I personally do not like Jack and Jill's at all and had no desire to have one for myself. They are a fundraiser for the couple and I feel the wedding and possibly the shower are more then enough to ask of people.

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

lovemrk — Thu, 01 May 2008 18:47:28 GMT

[quote][b]BrideWench (5/1/2008)[/b][hr]Hello Brides,

I'm really on the fence here in terms of all the pre-wedding parties.
Engagement party? Bridal Shower? Stag and Doe? Jack and Jill? Why?!?

I don't get the point of all these parties really. Engagement party...ok I could see having a party to celebrate the engagement. Anyone likes a good reason to party.

Bridal shower..to have a get-together with my friends, ok sure. Only women invited to the wedding, yes or no? Why register for gifts? Aren't they going to just be giving me another gift for my wedding too? That's a bit much to ask, isn't it? And yes, I'm not asking for gifts but you know they are going to buy one at both!

I've read that a Stag and Doe is basically a fundraiser under the guise of a party. Why would I have a fundraiser for my wedding? Again, it feels like hitting up family twice for the same event. I don't see any other point to this! Isn't the big get together to celebrate this thing the wedding itself?!?

Sorry if I'm offending or venting here. I just don't quite get all these parties. I have friends asking about them, what I'm having. I have no clue! I'm all for parties but I don't want to have anything that will make people get us stuff! We are considering not even registering for gifts the wedding itself because we don't need anything (other than money :P)

I know this shouldn't stress me, but it is. Probably because I've been so good lately with getting stuff done that my mind needed something to stress me about on this wedding.[/quote]

I'm probably going to be the other oddball, but I agree with you totally. And yes, "if you don't want one, don't have one." I agree with that statement. All I want is the presence of my guests at the wedding (no showers, jack and jill's, engagement party, etc.) JUST MY BIG FAT ITALIAN WEDDING!!! LOL!

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

Ticabride — Thu, 01 May 2008 18:00:04 GMT

Everyone feels differently about all the pre-parties, so I think all the pre-events should be dependent on what the bride and groom want.

We never had the engagement party, because all of our friends live all over the world...literally. But we did have the buck and doe, and it was awesome. It was a great way for all of our friends and family to meet eachother and for us to celebrate our marriage with people who wont make it to the wedding, or arent invited because of hall capacity. We had people from as far as Baltimore and Fort Hope fly in to celebrate with us. It was really amazing to see everyone and be able to party, drink a little too much and relax. We even threw an after party back at our place and kept the night going until 7am (FH and I paid for this, food drinks etc...everyone loved it!)

Im having one shower, and its co-ed its for both FH and I...my parents are throwing it...casual back yard bbq. People get excited about weddings and want to throw parties for you....its their way of showing love I guess. Either way, I just so pumped to have all those ppl I love in one place again.

RE: How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

beaniebaby — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:05:18 GMT

Yes, most of the parties are fundraisers, even wedding showers.

And no, you don't have to have any.

We had an engagement party with all our friends, specifically asked for no gifts. We're having a stag for FH and a shower for myself.

If you don't like the idea, don't have the party!

How many pre-parties can one couple have?!?

BrideWench — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:38:54 GMT

Hello Brides,

I'm really on the fence here in terms of all the pre-wedding parties.
Engagement party? Bridal Shower? Stag and Doe? Jack and Jill? Why?!?

I don't get the point of all these parties really. Engagement party...ok I could see having a party to celebrate the engagement. Anyone likes a good reason to party.

Bridal shower..to have a get-together with my friends, ok sure. Only women invited to the wedding, yes or no? Why register for gifts? Aren't they going to just be giving me another gift for my wedding too? That's a bit much to ask, isn't it? And yes, I'm not asking for gifts but you know they are going to buy one at both!

I've read that a Stag and Doe is basically a fundraiser under the guise of a party. Why would I have a fundraiser for my wedding? Again, it feels like hitting up family twice for the same event. I don't see any other point to this! Isn't the big get together to celebrate this thing the wedding itself?!?

Sorry if I'm offending or venting here. I just don't quite get all these parties. I have friends asking about them, what I'm having. I have no clue! I'm all for parties but I don't want to have anything that will make people get us stuff! We are considering not even registering for gifts the wedding itself because we don't need anything (other than money :P)

I know this shouldn't stress me, but it is. Probably because I've been so good lately with getting stuff done that my mind needed something to stress me about on this wedding.