I can also see that perhaps, compared to your parents gift of a house, that your FH's parents may feel like anything they offer is totally inadequate. While that would not be true, it's the thought that counts and not the size of the gift that matters .. but perhaps they are "intimidated" by the generosity of your parents and just feel that they simply can not compete.

How does your FH feel about his parents lack of contribution to the wedding? This may be a case where he needs to speak to his parents, possibly bring up the fact that they helped his brother out .. so why arent they contributing now with his wedding. You may have to keep quiet while your FH deals with this issue with his parents.....

    MrsMtobe 

~Live and let live ~

Mod Squad Moderator 

The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.
 

  Mrs. M and loving it!!! 

Yes, you have good reason to be

angry. But my first question is one

you may not like.  Where is your FH

in all of this?  Not a single word in

your post about his thoughts. Have

the two of you discussed it?

How much money did his parents

give his siblings when they got

married?  Why hasn't he gone to his

parents and asked them about this

issue. Most certainly, parents should

treat all their children equally. Those

that don't, foster ill will. And you are

correct when you say that it should

not matter as to how much money

your parents have. His parents

should not be looking on them as

some sort of cash cow so they don't

have to pony up any dough. I think

it's wonderful that your parents are

able to help the two of you as much

as they have but that fact does not

exhonerate your FH's parents from

doing their part, at least to the very

same level as they did for their other

kids.

Time for a heart-to-heart with your

FH because this little scenario needs

to be fixed now before it becomes

one of those festering things that get

 thrown out during a fit of anger later

on.

EL  

 Some people are like Slinkies...

Not really good for anything, but

they still bring a smile to your

face when you push them down a

flight of stairs.

I can also see that perhaps, compared to your parents gift of a house, that your FH's parents may feel like anything they offer is totally inadequate. While that would not be true, it's the thought that counts and not the size of the gift that matters .. but perhaps they are "intimidated" by the generosity of your parents and just feel that they simply can not compete. [/quote]

I agree.  His parents probably feel you already have a good start in your marriage with the house.  His brother obviously needed the help more than you two do.

If that's the way they feel, then they

are making a big mistake. All of their

children should be helped out at the

time of their marriage, equally.

Smart parents don't discriminate

because they know it will come back

to haunt them down the road. The

siblings are already married and they

have received their gift from the

parents. Now, it's the OP's FH's turn

to receive the exact same gift.

It's not about "need" but it is about

equality, fairness and doing the right

thing.  What's the difference here

between this scenario and what

parents do in a Will.  Favouring one

child over another sends messages

that are not pleasant to receive.

EL

 Some people are like Slinkies...

Not really good for anything, but

they still bring a smile to your

face when you push them down a

flight of stairs.

I am experiencing this situation from the other perspective..... I come from a family with just a single mother who by no means is "rich" --- earns a decent salary but we live in a small townhouse together and she is in no condition to be shelling out tons of dough on my wedding.  My father is not in the picture.  My mother has given my FH and I a monetary gift already, which is under $2000.  My FH is bothered by this.... because HIS parents have a dual income and have no mortgage, no car payments, and live a very simple life..... meanwhile stashing away tons of money for the future and they don't spend a dime on any luxury items.  His parents are choosing to give us more money and my FH thinks it's not fair that my mother can't give the same.  We have argued about this because I insist that it's not my mother's fault... and she can only give what she can give.  He feels that since I am her daughter, she should basically be working 2 jobs, giving up any luxury items/going out with her friends, and busting her butt in order to give me more money.  I disagree.  We just keep going around in circles about the whole issue....... but nevertheless, I don't think that this is something you should be upset about...... your FH can't control how much money his parents can afford to give, and just because you come from a better-off family doesn't mean that all parents can give the same amount.  You have to understand that he can't simply approach his parents with the issue and say, "you guys have to give more money because HER family is giving more" ----- which is why I get so frustrated with my FH.  I cannot approach my mother and ask for more money, it's not my place and it is her gift to us, which we should accept gratefully.

Do you think perhaps they will give you some compensation on the day of your wedding?  Perhaps they aren't helping out with the "up front" costs of the wedding, but maybe they will provide your with your gift on your actual wedding day.