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sewandso (4/19/2006)
I have an easy solution to this whole issue........ give back the house and politely refuse any help from your parents.....that way it keeps a level playing field and avoids all this stress Lynn Lynn, If your parents were giving you and your FH a house as a wedding gift, would you refuse it? What possible reason would the OP have for doing such a thing? Her parents are not the problem here nor is the generosity shown by them. The OP is not asking her FH's parents to "level the playing field" by giving money that they cannot afford to give or have not already given to other children of theirs. In the overall scheme of things, the five grand is not a huge amount of money but the
PRINCIPLE is. So what's next? Will her FH's folks now revise their Wills by writing him out because, after all, he married into money? Shame on him for falling in love with a girl who has well-to-do parents. So let's punish him for that faux pas. Let's leave all our money to our other two kids and cut him out. Give me a break. Parents are supposed to LOVE their kids EQUALLY. And when they bestow gifts on their kids, that equality of love is manifested in the equality of the gifts. Anything less sends a very clear message that one or more kids are more equal than the other. NOT a good scenario. EL
Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs. 
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 8/22/2007 6:49:35 PM
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| I completely agree with you EL hun....it SHOULD be equal, but since the wedding has yet to happen, how can ANYONE assume at this point that it WONT be by the time it is all said and done. Giving back the house was a touch of sarcasm as the OP seems to be bothered that her parents have given so much and that FH's parents have YET to come up with the 5000 that was given to the siblings. My question is.......is there a time limit as to when his parents are supposed to come up with these $$$?, if so, then maybe someone should have laid the ground rules from the beginning! Why is she jumping the gun......I could understand if they were married already and it had not been offered. Just for the record......I agree with most here.....the wedding is nobody's responsibility other than the bride and groom and whatever help is offered should be graciously accepted (although in my case, would be declined....thats just me though, I dont like feeling like I "owe" people) Lynn
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Group: Forum Members
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| oh and to answer your question EL.....if I was offered a house....yes, I WOULD decline it........its just me and my principles Lynn
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Group: Forum Members
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| sewandso wrote: I completely agree with you EL hun....it SHOULD be equal, but since the wedding has yet to happen, how can ANYONE assume at this point that it WONT be by the time it is all said and done. yep, you are right. Maybe these parents will surprise them on the day. Giving back the house was a touch of sarcasm as the OP seems to be bothered that her parents have given so much and that FH's parents have YET to come up with the 5000 that was given to the siblings. My question is.......is there a time limit as to when his parents are supposed to come up with these $$$?, if so, then maybe someone should have laid the ground rules from the beginning! Another very valid point. Why is she jumping the gun......I could understand if they were married already and it had not been offered. Perhaps she is, perhaps not. I guess we will all have to let the universe unfold on this one. Just for the record......I agree with most here.....the wedding is nobody's responsibility other than the bride and groom and whatever help is offered should be graciously accepted (although in my case, would be declined....thats just me though, I dont like feeling like I "owe" people) I don't disagree with the concept that the wedding is the responsibility of those getting married and that wedding gifts are not mandatory. I have looked beyond the fact that this is a wedding and focused primarily on treating all off-spring equally. EL
Some people are like Slinkies... Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
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Group: Forum Members
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| This whole "treating your children fairly" thing is BS. Find me ONE set of parents who kept tabs on every dollar spent on each child to make sure it was always equal. Find me one child who got EVERYTHING new. Find me a second child who got EVERYTHING new. I got new items because I am the oldest. Yes, I got hand-me-downs from my cousin. But yes I also got new toys. My brothers used my toys and got new ones of their own. But did my parents keep track? No ... because it's not realistic. Small children work with the mentality of "if he's getting it I get it too!". They are like that because they don't know any better. You're an adult and you SHOULD know better than to be wanting EXACTLY what his siblings had. Once again, FH's parents are paying for FSIL's wedding and contributing about $3,000 towards our wedding. Am I upset? No. Why should I be. OP's parents are CHOOSING to spend the money. They don't HAVE to. OP's parents CHOSE to put her FH through college/university. Perhaps his parents feel inadequate since another set of parents is basically taking care of their son. This is a discussion that would need to happen between your FH and his parents. Unless he's willing to step up and say how he feels, you have NO right to judge or be upset. They aren't your family ... yet ... and I'll bet you if you opened your mouth to FH's family about the money they wouldn't like you too much. Do you REALLY want that? Tell YOUR parents to stop contributing. Thank them for what they have done but accept no more. Yes, my parents are contributing about $15,000 to my wedding. Do they HAVE to? No. They are choosing to contribute that amount and if they didn't, FH and I would pay for it. We asked our parents IF they were ABLE to contribute. I know my parents financial situation and they have money. However, it's not MY choice what they do with it. If they said, you know we really aren't able. I would come here complaining. I'd say, well it's disappointing in a way but we'll save our money and pay for it ourselves. I unfortunately have to agree with Delorisdoe ... you are coming across spoiled. Be thankful for what you are receiving. Imagine how FH's family would feel if they read your post. Not too good I can imagine.
 IGGY
Married May 26, 2007 Rachael arrived July 2nd!!!
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igottajlo (4/20/2006)
This whole "treating your children fairly" thing is BS. Find me ONE set of parents who kept tabs on every dollar spent on each child to make sure it was always equal. Find me one child who got EVERYTHING new. Find me a second child who got EVERYTHING new. I got new items because I am the oldest. Yes, I got hand-me-downs from my cousin. But yes I also got new toys. My brothers used my toys and got new ones of their own. But did my parents keep track? No ... because it's not realistic. Small children work with the mentality of "if he's getting it I get it too!". They are like that because they don't know any better. You're an adult and you SHOULD know better than to be wanting EXACTLY what his siblings had. Ah, Iggy..... off on another tangent, are we? Your comparison does not fit, so you must acquit. We are not talking about toys here, we are talking about a once-in-a-lifetime event for many people. Why do you think that his parents should not help him out to the same level that they helped out their other kids? Is he not equal to them in their eyes? Because, to me, that's the message they are sending. And why isn't he equal in their eyes? Is it because he hooked up with a gal whose parents are a bit better off than most? Get real, Iggy. Favoring on child over another does nothing but breed contempt and that ain't healthy. This whole thing reminds me of the signature line used by the Smother's Brothers in their comedy routine. "Mom always liked you best." The audience laughed at that because so many of them could relate to that line. Once again, FH's parents are paying for FSIL's wedding and contributing about $3,000 towards our wedding. Am I upset? No. Why should I be. Absolutely right. Why should you be upset? Traditionally, the bride's family foots the bill for her wedding. So, I see it as them just following tradition. In the OP's case, his family should also follow the tradition that they themselves instituted when they gave five grand to the first kid that got married and followed that up with five grand to the second kid. Now it's her FH's turn. What part of that don't you understand? OP's parents are CHOOSING to spend the money. They don't HAVE to. OP's parents CHOSE to put her FH through college/university. Perhaps his parents feel inadequate since another set of parents is basically taking care of their son. And just how childish and sad is that? They should be thrilled that they did that for their son instead of reacting the way they apparently are. This is a discussion that would need to happen between your FH and his parents. Unless he's willing to step up and say how he feels, you have NO right to judge or be upset. Of course she has that right. She is reacting to what her FH is going through on the issue and feels powerless to help him. That's why she came here looking for opinions. They aren't your family ... yet ... and I'll bet you if you opened your mouth to FH's family about the money they wouldn't like you too much. Do you REALLY want that? Whaaaa? Did the OP even suggest that she might champion his cause? Stick to the facts, Iggy. Tell YOUR parents to stop contributing. Thank them for what they have done but accept no more. Iggy girl, you are smokin' some bad weed there. Why should the OP tell her parents that? If they have the means and inclination to help their daughter out, then that's a totally separate issue. The real problem here lays within her FH's family, not hers. Yes, my parents are contributing about $15,000 to my wedding. Do they HAVE to? No. They are choosing to contribute that amount and if they didn't, FH and I would pay for it. We asked our parents IF they were ABLE to contribute. I know my parents financial situation and they have money. And IF.... you had read all her posts, you would know that her FH's family DO have the money to give. And your situation is your situation. NOT HERS. Do you have two siblings? However, it's not MY choice what they do with it. If they said, you know we really aren't able. I would come here complaining. I'd say, well it's disappointing in a way but we'll save our money and pay for it ourselves. I unfortunately have to agree with Delorisdoe ... you are coming across spoiled. Be thankful for what you are receiving. Imagine how FH's family would feel if they read your post. Not too good I can imagine. It's too bad that her FIL's won't get the chance to read this thread. As for dumba | | | |