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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 7/16/2008 2:17:06 PM
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I think the only thing that worries me about marrying FH is that I don't think he's going to do his fair share around the house.
He and his brother both work with both their parents at their family's business, and they work looooooong hours of hard work. His mother must be an alien because after she puts in her 12+ hours she comes home to cook dinner and do allllll their laundry, cut the lawn, blow the snow, you name it; she does it. Her husband just comes home and lies on the couch waiting to be served and doesn't so much as take out the trash. Also, there isn't enough time in the day to do the housework because she's so busy with everything else that their house is really dirty, dusty and messy. It really grosses me out since I"m used to living in my mother's sterile environment! lol
I guess what I'm trying to say, is I'm a bit worried that I will end up resenting FH just like I'm sure his mother resents his father (how could you not?) because he won't be doing enough... Anyone else have similar concerns???
www.amandaandvince.com
support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
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Last Login: 6/14/2007 6:53:48 AM
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 7/17/2008 3:45:27 PM
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| My DH came from a home where everything was done for him - everything! When we first moved in together (a few years before we were married), it was tough, because he really didn't do anything around the home. It took a long time, and a lot of resentment on my part, and a lot of fights....but, things are different now. I mean, neither one of us likes housework, but I still like a clean house, and now he knows that I am happier when the house is clean, and when I am happy, he is happy, you know? LOL Seriously, it was tough, and it took me a while to realize that it just didn't even OCCUR to him that the place needed vacuuming, or that the bathroom needed cleaning, because when he lived at home, it was just done - so I learned to stop expecting him to be a mind reader (I always wanted him to do stuff without being asked), and instead, I would approach him and say something like, "why don't you clean the bathroom and I will vacuum?".....I have found that if I actually ASK him to do something, he will do it.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 11/27/2006 9:46:24 AM
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Yup..... that's probably my only concern is with regards to the general housework/cleaning. Although my FH is a very tidy guy and hates messes.... he has lived the past 29 years of his life with his mother doing alllll of his laundry and fixing his bed in the morning! Yikes!! We've already had serious conversations about it, and he is very well aware that if he thinks I will be a carbon-copy of his mother then he's in for a BIG surprise!!  He swears up and down that he will help out with things too (like tasks we can do together like washing dishes together after dinner, cleaning the house together like he will vacuum and I will dust, etc), but he also reminds me that he will be doing a lot of the "man" duties like mowing the lawn, shoveling the snow, etc. that I won't be doing. I'm sure we'll have arguments about it in the beginning... but I hope that we will find some common ground at some point. He's lucky though... I loooove cooking, so that's one thing I won't bother him about!  haha
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 7/16/2008 2:17:06 PM
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| I'm glad it's not just my FH then, and that there is a light at the end of my tunnel! Icy - FH also gave me the song and dance about the "man duties" and I put the kybosh on that stat! Try this... THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE Vaccuming the bedrooms - 2 times/week
Cleaning Wood Floors- 2 times/week
Sweeping Kitchen - daily... maybe twice!
Mopping Kitchen and Bath floors - Once/week
Changing the bed sheets - Once/week
Dusting ALL the surfaces of the house - Once/week
Dinner and Dishes - Daily... likely twice
Cleaning windows and sils - Once/month
Laundry and Ironing - 2 times/week
Drying, Folding, Putting away Laundry - 2 times/week
Scrubbing Toilets- Once/week
Cleaning Mirrors and Bath Countertops - Daily
Cleaning Shower/Bathtub - Once/week
Grocery Shopping - Once/week
Cleaning Miscelaneous things like the fridge, closets and drawers... things that you don't think of - Once/Couple of Months As you can see... taking out the trash and mowing the lawn/shovelling snow once a week doesn't measure up. There is probably tons of stuff that I missed on the "to do" shortlist, and that's why I told FH that we would SHARE all the jobs that need to be done; and I'm totally willing to rotate with him and take out the trash and shovel snow now and again.... I just don't want all those things on my shoulders.... it's A LOT!!!
www.amandaandvince.com
support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 6/15/2006 4:22:05 PM
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FH works for his dad, too, and they're really busy. Plus, he's just not the type to pick up a mop or a vacuum but he's already told me that we can hire a cleaning lady, which is fine by me. Its the same thing his mom does and she doesn't even work so its not an alien idea to him. In general, though, FH is fair and isn't some caveman so I'm not worried. Although, I'm sure there will be some adjustments for him because he is served hand and foot now that he lives at home--oh, well, everyone has to grow up sometime! I know that he sees his general duty as financial provider and I'm fine with that but I'm confident we'll work stuff out so its good for both of us.
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