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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 6/4/2008 11:03:22 PM
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Visits: 1,083
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| A shower is no more a money or gift grab than a wedding is. If people choose to bring a shower gift then they usually choose something of an appropriate price range to how extensive the shower is. For example, if at a shower they are serving a meal and going all out with nicely done invites etc., people tend to gage the cost of the gift based on that. Similarly, if someone is invited to a wedding and they're only being served cake and punch they aren't going to be inclined to spend as much on a gift as if they were going to a five course meal reception. I am by far the last person to grab for gifts or money or anything of that sort and I'm not a materialistic person at all, so please don't get the wrong impression by these past posts that my understanding of it makes it okay to do and that you should get all the gifts you can, because that's not the case. I just think that there are instances in which people that will not be attending or able to be invited to the wedding want to be able to come and celebrate your new life together and a shower makes that possible. A shower is really just more like a wedding in a smaller scale, there's people you like there to support you and celebrate with you, and there's food and cake and games and as a result usually gifts too. If you really think about it it's not the "slap in the face" that some people are labelling it. If i were to have a good friend not invite me to their wedding I would be hurt, if they weren't to invite me to their wedding or shower, I'd be even more hurt. But if someone that i'm not terribly close to were to invite me to a shower and not a wedding I would be pleasantly surprised that I was thought of at all. People who come to showers aren't just there to hand you a gift, and same with the wedding, they are there because they love you both and want to show their happiness for you. If we're really going to look at it as all or nothing then some people who really would've been happy to be invited to the shower alone would be mising out on having any opportunity to show their excitement for your pending marriage.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 2/7/2008 10:13:10 PM
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limabean (4/6/2006)
This may seem wierd, but until I joined this board I had no idea that according to etiquette only people invited to the wedding were invited to the shower. In my experience, a shower has always been a party to get together with people who wouldn't be invited to or couldn't make it to the wedding, but who still are happy for the couple and want to celebrate with them. Although why this translated to just women celebrating with just the bride I still don't quite understand 
The shower was traditionally for already married women to help a new, unexperienced bride set up her new home. It has now evolved into a more elaborate event and can take many forms. But gifts are still the point of the event - to "shower the bride with gifts." If you are inviting guests who are not invited to the wedding it can come across that they are good enough to "shower you with gifts" but not good enough to share in your wedding celebrations.
Some people will be fine with only being invited to a shower, other people will feel it is nothing but an attempt to get presents. It is, however, considered very poor etiquette to invite someone to a shower and not to the wedding. As you can see, many people feel it is very rude.
If you want to host an event that does not require gifts you could host a bridal tea, a lunch, or a girls night in (watch wedding movied and eat popcorn!). Then the event is about celebrating and not about gifts so it is perfectly appropriate to invite anyone you like.
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*~*~* Married at Disney World - MAY 21st, 2007 *~*~*
http://www.disneyweddings.go.com/williamsandhamblin 
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 6/4/2008 11:03:22 PM
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| Okay, despite the long and detailed explanation of why I thought it to be overkill to call not being invited to both a "slap in the face", i did some official checking on the rules of ettiquette and see that it is in fact bad etiquette to invite to the shower and not to the wedding. So my understanding of this etiquette was wrong, and while i hadn't invited anyone to our shower that aren't invited to the wedding, i feel a little better to know for sure what was right and wrong.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 8:21:32 AM
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thank you for your information.. i've decided that it doesn't matter anymore.. lol.. I was worried earlier today.. but i have more stressful things to worry about.. thank you for all your input! I really appreciate it!
Jules 
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Group: Moderators
Last Login: Today @ 12:47:34 PM
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Jules .. look at it this way.. the money you save not going to this wedding .. can be used for your own wedding! 
MrsMtobe ~Live and let live ~ Mod Squad Moderator The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.
 Mrs. M and loving it!!!
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 8:21:32 AM
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true.... *reaching for a chocolate martini*
Jules
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