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Yep I have a vent. Just feel like getting this off my chest. i will try to give explanation while at the same time keep it as least confusing as possible.
My mom is an only child but her cousin is like a sister and I grew up calling her "Aunt D" her daughter my cousin and I were close as children but not so much as teenagers and early adults. But I moved away from home for 10 years and we became close on my visits home my FH and I spent time with her and her DH and well we became really close over the last few years. It came to the point that when my grandfather passed away I had a really hard time and my cousin and her DH were a big contributing factor to us moving back to my home town.
Keep in mind my "Aunt D" has never gotten along with my dad and I really can't stand the woman. She is a person that is all show. She does things just for attention. She can't invite people over for dinner to just be nice it is a huge production and it is a more look at me and how well I cook how great I clean and look at all the fancy new dishes I bought. She is a person that knows very little about anything argues about everything and thinks that she knows more than any doctor lawyer teacher etc. She is bossy and looks down on everyone. Needless to say I am not her biggest fan. My Aunt D is malicious and does things to make herself feel important and better then everyone else.
So back in october my parents were out of town, my FH was out of town I was at home by myself and my aunt planned a surprise birthday party for my cousin. Keep in mind my cousin and I have been super close. To the point that I bought a house about 20 houses down from her. We spent every third day together and ever weekend at each others house. Her Dh and my FH both enjoyed each other.
So anyways my aunt has this party and neglects to invite me. SHe invited people that were friends to my cousin for a short time. I was really hurt by this. My aunt has always done very cruel things. So I decided enough was enough. I called her up and told her I was hurt that she had not included me. She proceeded to tell me she only had enough room for 10 people which is total BS as I have seen her do bigger parties and dinner before. Then when I told her that she back peddled and said well I only invited the others because "C" has been friends with them for so long. I replied with "Yeah for 18 months I have been her cousin my entire life. Then my aunt proceeded to yell and scream at me. She told me it was her house and she has every right to invite who she wanted. If I was not one of them then I should accept that and I had no right to be upset. I told her I just wanted to inform her that I was hurt but that if I wasn't important enough to include in my cousins dinner party then not to worry about it but now I know where she stands. I hung up. Well my aunt went bullistic told my cousin a bunch of lies. So now my cousin has not talked to me since October. I have tried to call my cousin, appologize for anything I may have done and they would not answer the phones or return calls. So then I hear from mutual friends that they now want me to call and virtually beg for forgiveness. I am sorry I tried several times in oct and they would not give me the courtesy so now it is up to them. However despite how I felt my FH said that I should be the bigger person and invite them to the wedding. So I invited my cousin and her husband but refuse to invite Aunt D which my mom and dad are supportive on. So just two days ago my Aunt D called my grandmother crying hysterical that my cousin and great aunt got an invite and not her and she doesn't understand what she did.
My theory now is "It is my wedding I have a right to invite who I want I don't need to explain my reasoning and she doesn't have a right to be hurt" Which I don't really feel that way as she is family and probably should be invited but she has done sooo many crappy things to me my brother my dad and even my mom at times that I don't want her there. And by her own words as she didn't need to explain why I wasn't invited and as it was her party I had no right to be hurt.
Now I am also at the point that if my cousin declines my invite I will be ok with this also because it is out of town but my Fh and my parents have been told if she does not even give me the courtesy of a reply I will cut her out of my life. I am tired of all these negative people. I have been hurt enough by them. Since our falling out I have gotten engaged and didn't share it with them. UNtil they got the invite they didn't even know we got engaged. I have also had two tubal pregnancies and ended up in the hospital on both occasions and could have used family support but again they have no idea that even happened. I don't feel comfortable sharing that with them.
Anyways I hope I get a reply because I really don't want to cut them out of my life for good but I will. I have done it to others in the past and although it was difficult, sometimes you have to cut the cancer out and get rid of it so you can be healthier. If they don't reply they will then be viewed as a cancer in my life and I will get rid of it.
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Supreme Being Planner
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 11/1/2008 6:35:56 AM
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I'm so sorry you had to go through all that  It sounds to me like your Aunt D has some serious self esteem and self confidence issues, and she plays it up (the hostess role, etc) to make herself feel better, because it's the only way she knows how. It doesn't excuse it, but that's what it sounds like to this outside observer.You certainly don't have to invite your Aunt, especially if your parents agree with this decision. It sounds like she can't take her own medicine. I hope you get the response you're looking for. It's so hard when we cut family ties.
~Sarah and Rob~ Getting married in Ottawa... sometime in 2010... When you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him!
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 11/28/2008 1:07:11 PM
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wow- what goes around comes around eh?
so aunt D can't handle a taste of her own medicine? too bad!
many people in this world are very selfish. and each of us is related to at least one.
it's your wedding. invite whom you want. if they come, great, if they decline, that's their business and their loss. enjoy your day.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 6:55:43 PM
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Missspunk...First of all my heart goes out to you. I can't imagine what you are going through but I have learned one thing in my life....the two most important people in my life were taken away from me (my parents)and I promised myself that there would be absolutely no one on this earth that I would allow to get me upset/frustrated. There is alot of garbage in this world and what do you do with garbage??? You throw it out/get rid of it. I had to do that with a couple of friends. Couldn't care less if they are around. I am a much happier person since they were "tossed". Now, sorry to sound harsh but if you have to do the same with your aunt and cousin, so be it.I am tired of always trying to be pleasant and the better person. It's amazing how when they do things, it's acceptable but when you do it, it's the end of the world. You don't have to invite anyone you don't want to and certainly not to please anyone else. I know you were close to her but obviously she didn't even give you the time of day when the incident occurred and now she wants you to beg her for forgiveness/friendship? NOT!!! Life is too short my friend! Live a long happy life with the man that loves you!
Married The Love Of My Life - September 12, 2008!!!
Now Mrs.K.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 6:55:43 PM
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pbz (6/22/2008)
wow- what goes around comes around eh?
so aunt D can't handle a taste of her own medicine? too bad!
many people in this world are very selfish. and each of us is related to at least one.
it's your wedding. invite whom you want. if they come, great, if they decline, that's their business and their loss. enjoy your day.AMEN!!!!
Married The Love Of My Life - September 12, 2008!!!
Now Mrs.K.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Yesterday @ 11:12:47 PM
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Since i wrote this post I ended up in the hospital I almost died. I had a tubal pregnancy and my right fallopian tube ruptured and I had to have emergency surgery. I figured if anything would bring us together or make me want them in my life would be this event. Instead I am as determined as ever. As August 30 gets closer I feel more determined that they will be out of my life. I have drafted a letter that I want to send my cousin, I am debating on sending it as is or editing it and sending it. I feel as though for me to have closure I need to send her something to ensure she knows how I feel and where I stand. So the following is the letter.
Whether you continue to read this or not I will always assume that you chose to read this letter in its entirety.
As family we have gone through a lot of ups and downs. It saddens me that you have chosen to take family and throw it away. You maintain that nothing is more important to you than family. I feel that for you there is nothing more important so long as you are getting your own way.
Almost a year now and if you want to be exact it was 9 months and a little bit. You chose to cut me out of your life with the help of your mother. The issue I had was between your mother and I. I thought that her and I came to an understanding and maybe she told you or maybe she didn’t but we had a long talk, apologized to each other and came to an understanding. After being thrown out of your house by your lovely husband, I tried on several occasions to call you and talk to you, however my calls went unanswered and messages unreturned. Your mother told me to give you your space and let you come to me. I have done that for 9 months and you choose not to reach out. That is your right and your prerogative but don’t ever fool yourself and convince yourself that your family means everything to you because it is very apparent to the rest of us (the family) that it is not.
I even went one step further and sent you an invite to our wedding. I again reached out to show you that I have no hard feelings and initiated contact but you have thrown that away. Family is supposed to be there for each other. On the days that I could have used the support of my cousin the most I felt I could not turn to her. Since November I have lost 2 babies been hospitalized twice and almost died on one of those occasions. I wanted to reach out to you but you have made it very clear you want nothing to do with me.
I have not committed murder, I have not stolen, I have not done anything soo horrible as to be excommunicated from you. Although we have gone through a lot Jim and I both deserved a reply to our invite. We both deserve that much respect. You may not want anything to do with me, you may not want me as family, that is your choice and at this point I no longer care if you are in or out of my life. But we did however deserve a reply.
So from your actions and lack there of, I no longer consider you family. We can not choose our family and therefore we should not be forced to feel obligated to be nice to those that we really have no feelings for. This has gone on way too long, I have waited for you to come to me for way too long. I do not NEED your friendship or need you as a cousin.
I no longer have a cousin Christine and if you see me on the street you can keep on going. We are strangers and I prefer to keep it that way, I do not need such negativity in my life.
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