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The other day I was thinking about legal guardians for our lo in case anything ever happens to DH and I. When we have our lo, we are going to be changing our will and I figure we might as well declare our lo's legal guardians at the same time. What I am having a hard time with is deciding who should be the legal guardian. I don't want my dad and is wife or MIL to have the resp of raising another child. SIL is not an option at this time. My brother and his gf seem like the best option, but we are not super close and I don't know how I would go about asking them. Plus they just had a baby of their own, so they are busy doing their own thing. How did you pick your lo's legal guardian?
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DH and I have talked about this as well. It was a very personal decision for us. We've decided that if anything should happen to both of us, our child/ren will go to one of my SILs and her husband. We made this decision based on a number of things. Her and her husband have similar ideas and values when it comes to raising children. We are really close to them (my SIL is my bestfriend) and our kids (she has a 1 year old) will be very close. I know that if anything were to happen to us, our kids would be welcomed into their family without question and that they would unconditionally love our child/ren as their own (heck, they already do and she isn't even born yet). We've spoken to them about this and they have agreed so that is set, and we all feel comfortable with it. They have also asked us to be their child/rens legar guardians if anything happened to them- pretty much based on the same reasons.
It is a very personal decision, and DH and I thought long and hard about it.
...Proud Momma of Charlotte...
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| We discussed it for quite a while, and the people we're most comfortable with are my parents. We weren't sure how they'd feel about it the responsibility of it though, so we talked about all other options. Plus, we thought it might be a good idea to have an alternate even if my parents agreed. (It turns out they're more than happy to be listed as guardians, so that made everything a lot easier.) DH and I each have one sibling who could potentially care for our children. My borther and his GF aren't at a place in their lives where it's something I'd be comfortable asking of them, though - they're both relatively young, and not looking at starting a family any time soon. Maybe in 5-10 years they'd be a better choice for us, but not now. DH's sister and her husband have two small boys already, but she has some fairly strong religious views that we don't share. We worried about our children not being given much freedom of choice when it came to religion, and it was a big issue for us. Neither of us felt comfortable asking MIL - she's a great grandmother, but we just didn't think it would be good for either her or our kids. Then we moved on to considering friends. We wouldn't ask anyone without kids themselves, so that narrowed it down a bit, to about three couples. One has what we consider an unbalanced/borderline-dysfunctional relationship, and we weren't comfortable with them. Of the other two couples, one has zero discipline for their own child, and allow her to pretty much do whatever she wants. Although they will have a second LO exactly the same age as ours, we're just not comfortable with the idea of our child being raised the way that theirs has been. (I can see enough potential problems in the future just from the kids playing together regularly.) As for the third couple. we have a lot of respect for the way that they are raising their children - obviously loving, but with very clear boundaries and rules. I don't really agree with the husband on all of his views, but we felt comfortable with the idea of entrusting our children to them. We may not end up asking them after all, since my parents have agreed, but we may still decide to ask if they'd be willing to be alternates. Sorry that was so long, but that was our decision-making process. We basically just pictured our children in each different situation, and went with our gut reaction. (Although we talked about it and rationalized why we felt the way we did.)
Married my love on October 20, 2007;
our sweet little Owen Thomas arrived October 23, 2008!
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I've thought of this time and again, and even though I don't want my parents or his to have the reponsibility to raise my kids if I'm gone - I think they would be the best choice. So if I die, sorry for your trouble but my mom and dad will likely have to care for my kids if I'm unable... I feel guilty about unloading such a big responsibility on them but hey - at least they're alive! LOL I don't think they would want it any other way if they lost me anyways... despite the hugre responsibility.
www.amandaandvince.com
support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
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We are going to ask SIL and BIL. We have limited choices (my brothers are out of the question ... they're younger, 21 and 19) and we don't want to pick our parents (only because they've already raised 5 children between them ... they deserve a break). So we're going to ask BIL and SIL. They are established and would be excellent role models for our child(ren).
 IGGY
Rachael arrived July 2nd!!!
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Thanks for sharing your options on a very personal decision. I think when I go see my brother next month we are going to ask him and his gf if they will be our lo's legal guardian. Although we are not super close, I know my brother would welcome our lo into their family and treat them like they were his own. Plus my brother and his gf are going to raise their daughter in a way that I want my children to be raised. I know SIL is going to be very disapointed that she will not be named the legal guardian, but I don't think there is any reason to tell her.
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Summer07 (6/25/2008)
Thanks for sharing your options on a very personal decision. I think when I go see my brother next month we are going to ask him and his gf if they will be our lo's legal guardian. Although we are not super close, I know my brother would welcome our lo into their family and treat them like they were his own. Plus my brother and his gf are going to raise their daughter in a way that I want my children to be raised. I know SIL is going to be very disapointed that she will not be named the legal guardian, but I don't think there is any reason to tell her. Agreed - it's a very personal decision, and one you have to feel fully comfortable with. We know full well that if word got out that we'd asked the one set of friends to | | | |