My dad died a year and a bit ago from pancreatic cancer, I put my life on hold to take care of him and to help my mom around the house. I got engaged a month or so before he died, and I'm glad it happened that way because he was still conscience of what happened and I got to see his smile with my mom's engagement ring on . (starting to tear up writing this). At the funeral his side came in from out of province, except his mother (who was in town but left the day before his funeral). After that my mom and I haven't heard from them. My dad's closest brother came down twice, once at christmas and the other week (to get his computer fixed by my FH). Needless to say my gradmother was never the grandmothering type, but now we don't hear from her. My dad was so great to his family, he would fly or drive down to go see them, cut my grandmother's grass and do her gardening. He picked out special cards for birthdays and christmas and sent money, never with a thank you. Now it seems my mom and I are outcasts with his family. My mom and I agreed that we should only invite my uncle on my dad's side

So I waited for a bit to start the plans. My dad really wanted me to get married at our family parish, so my muslim fh and I are getting married. All the while we wanted to get married outside. Also, the wedding of our dreams we wanted a low key, high class affair. I mean wih with a slim wedding dress, no viel, simple flowers, 30 people. Its now become a huge stress, 80+ people etc, etc. first I got the silent treatment for little under a month for going to get my dress without my mom..she said she was only going to give me one day with her for dress shopping and I took her seriously. Then it became she needed to invite all the neighbours because it would be not tasteful if we didn't. Quote, "I'm the one that has to face these people afterwards", so they were invited. Then we had a couple of people decline the invitation. So that turned into MORE extended family coming. Then my FH and i were suppose to fly back to our temp. home on the sunday after. But no, all the rest of the extended family are coming all day to party at our house. The topic of the bridal shower was brought up and she couldn't wait another week to go on vaca. I wanted my shower this weekend because I didn't want to fly in for that too. Now I have to spend another $700 to go to my bridal shower. Ontop of the money for my FH and I to fly in for the wedding.

So the other week when when my uncle comes down, he asked if my grandmother was invited, and I said no. Then he said "oh". And that was that, until later that night when he was discussing wedding jewellery and the dress etc. So we thought he was coming because of his interest. Yesterday I get a rsvp and it was his. All there was a check besides the regrets. So he's not coming. So I tell my mom, I tell her there isn't much I can do if he doesn't want to come he doesn't have to. I wasn't expecting much taking into the account of the neglect I've had after my dad's death. And that I'm not about to waste good energy in bad places. So I get a call my mom's sister, ranting about how I should invite my dad's mother and thats only respectful etc, etc. And mom is saying just to invite her. I really, really, don't. My engagement, my dad's death, my birthday and my convoncation from university (the first our of my cousins) went without a single phone call from ANYONE on my dad's side. Not one of my aunts, uncle or grandmother has acknowedged my mom or I since last year.

I'm getting really fed up with my mom trying to guilt me into inviting all these people. I'm starting to feel like this is her wedding or its going to be a rememberence for my dad. (She wanted her donation to be blesssed in my dad's honour at the church). I'm respecting my father many ways during the wedding: his picture is on the mantle, his wedding photo with my mom is going to be near the guest book, our favours are to the cancer society, I'm getting married in a church for him, and instead of clanking the glasses we're doing a putt for a kiss(he was a HUGE golf fanatic). I respect my father every day, I visit his grave, I still "talk" to him, I have his picture in my room, I'm taking it when I move. 

Would you invite my grandmother if you were me?
...Thanks SOO much for reading this if you made it this far! I just really, really, needed to get this off of my chest!

August 30th, 2008

I think you have to do what you think is right.  If you feel that your grandmother isn't interested in you or the wedding then maybe you should not invite her.  The problem is that other family members get involved, as they already have, and will criticize you for your decision.

Really it comes down to what you feel comfortable with.  I think if I were in your shoes (JMO) I would invite my grandmother, especially after such a rough year.  I hope you find peace of mind soon with whatever you choose to do.

Nicole & Keith

Bought the house Feb 23, 2007

Became a MRS. March 14, 2008

Cadence "aka Demi" Arrived November 27 2008

Not saying you have to step on everyone's toes and insult the whole family, but never again in your life will you have a day dedicated to just you and your FH where you can call the shots and make it perfect for the two of you.

It sounds like your mom is dealing with your dads death in her on way as well and it comes out on you a little... have patience with her but be strong with your vision for the wedding as you have already given in so much and compromised.

I would tell your mother she already had her wedding day and could plan it the way she saw fit. I would speak to your grandmother and tell her you didnt think she would be interested in coming because it has been a year since you talked to her. And after that I would tell the relative that called you complaining to take a hike and mind her own business.

The problem with weddings is everyone thinks their opinon counts and is warranted.

As far as I am concerened, unless your mother or your grandmother is paying for the wedding 100%, they need to respect your wishes and back off!

*~~~  Mrs Platteeuw  ~~~*

*** FORUM MODERATOR***

But on that same note, I understand how you feel with reguards to your grandmother.  My parents are both still here, but my mom and her mother & father haven't spoken in almost 7 years.  which after all I've heard I can't say I blame her.  In the last 6 months, they've spoken sporatically, nothing too routine or anything.  Anyway, I told my mom it was her choice as to whether or not to invite her parents.  She came back and said "no, its up to you".  So I said great, nope, they aren't invited.  And then she proceeded to get mad.  And now she is using it against me...any of her friends that she "invites" that I say "why did you invite them" she says "well I dont have any family coming, so its not like we have THAT many guests".  I've finally put my foot down. She DOES have SOME family coming, and I can't help that she doesn't get along with the rest.  That doesn't give her the right to invite more ppl than I wanted to my wedding.  Nor does it give your mom the right to invite ppl to your wedding b/c your dad has passed on.  your dad had a memorial service, and now this is your wedding!! like you've said, you are honoring him in so many ways, I don't see why its such a big deal they aren't invited? Tell your mom its your choice, and YOU alone will deal with the consequences.  If the neighbors are mad b/c they aren't invited, tell your mom to tell them that YOU said they couldn't come!

OY! moms hey?!

~Kev & Jen 10.04.08~

***MOD***

"If Love is a Labor, I'll slave 'till the end, I won't cross these streets until you Hold my Hand"

Married!!!! My fairytale wedding was PERFECT!

August 30th, 2008

Wedding is done!  Married my sweetie!

Time for me to renovate my house!

www.mywedding.com/brianandlori