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Planning Addict
 
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| Well I am back in the hospital July 30 for another string of Biopsies. The surgery the doctor would like to do may cause infertility. The past two days my FH and I have been arguing. I want a child right away so I can atleast have ONE biological but he says he is not ready. The doctor said if it is our decision he would wait the time it takes me to give birth and then operate. I just can't justify (when we will be husband and wife in a few months anyway), NOT having a child now, even if there is the SLIGHTEST chance afterwards that I cant conceive. Its a no brainer for me and my FH is really hurting my feelings... he KNOWS how much children mean to me. I am trying to understand his perspective but I think there are times in life when a man needs to be a man and grow up.. he wants his "freedom" still... at the expense of us possibly never having our own children. Our arguement came to a head today when I told him I had a lot to think about... not having children is a deal breaker for me and I am not sure I want to spend my whole life with someone that is so casual about my desire to have children. The wedding is 3 months away.
*~~~  Mrs Platteeuw ~~~**** FORUM MODERATOR***
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Planning Addict
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| I guess I was hoping he would man up right away and take away my worries, tell me he knows how important kids are to me and agree to start trying.. i know its a lot for him to digest but he is turning out not the be the man i thought i was marrying.
*~~~ Mrs Platteeuw ~~~**** FORUM MODERATOR***
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| Sorry to hear about your situation. Hopefully, your biopsies at the end of the month will give you a better idea about what needs to be done. In the meantime, I hope you and your FH get things straightened out. He is probably feeling overwhelmed about this whole situation too and really worried about you. Maybe he will change his mind about having children sooner, and maybe he needs a little more time to process and digest all this new information. Sometimes it takes a little bit for reality to set in when things like this happen. Hopefully, he comes through for you. Good luck!
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| Oh hon, this is the last thing you need right now!! I am so, so sorry you are dealing with so much life-changing stuff all at once - you are obviously a very strong woman!! I can 100% see where you are coming from about wanting to act now on having children, given the possibility that it could be "now or never". I would have wanted the same thing as you. Do you think there is any chance FH will come around? Is it possible that he's saying what he's saying because he is refusing to come to grips with your illness and therefore with the urgency of having a child while you still can? Maybe he feels that by ignoring your condition, it will go away (guys are like that sometimes). It sounds like you need to have a serious talk with him and lay it all on the table - life is too short to comprimise and he needs to know in no uncertain terms where things stand for you. I wish you all the luck, strength, health and happiness in the world - please let us know how things turn out! Kirsty
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Supreme Being Planner
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I am so so sorry that you have to deal with this, and that your FH isn't responding the way you'd hoped he would. It's really tough when the person you count on lets you down  (((hugs)))
~Sarah and Rob~ Getting married in Ottawa... sometime in 2010... When you meet someone who can cook and do housework, don't hesitate a minute - marry him!
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Group: Forum Members
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My heart goes out to you sweetie! I am hoping all your dreams come true! God Bless you and your decision. Good luck with the biopsies and thank you for the update.
Married The Love Of My Life - September 12, 2008!!!
Now Mrs.K.
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| So the biopsies may cause infertility? Did the Dr indicate why the biopsies are so important if they could be left long enough for you to conceive and give birth. Your health is the MOST important thing - and that seems a little odd to me? As for you FH's reaction........men react very oddly out of fear.....what he is expressing now may have nothing to do with actually having children and more to do with his love for you and wanting your health as the primary concern. From the little you posted, just as a CB friend, I'm concerned about that so I can only imagine how he must feel. Normally if there is a need for a biopsy, there is a sense or urgency, not a it can wait for 9+ months while you conceive and give birth. You need to talk to really find out what he is feeling....he may not actually be letting you down in the way you think as far as future children, but protecting the most precious thing in his life - YOU!!!!!
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