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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 9/30/2008 12:08:22 PM
Posts: 128,
Visits: 686
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HELP! I really need to unload!
I wasn't sure where to post this. I was going to post in the newlywed section but they're all far to blissfully happy in there and I don't want to taint it with my anger. So I thought I'd come join you angries in here!
My wedding was last year. I have to say initially that marrying DH was the greatest day of my life. The wedding itself, held at my family's house, i thought, had some rough edges, but what wedding doesn't and overall, I was pretty pleased. DH and I and my Mom paid for everything. All my friends and family still go on even today about how much fun they had and what a great day it was. Yay. All good.
Up until the day I was pretty laid back about the whole thing and thought that if things went a bit wrong then oh well...Until MIL stepped in and TOOK OVER a few days before.
I had planned a Shakespearean-esque Midsummer Nights Dream feel to the event (cause I and all my friends are actors and it was outdoors.) MIL did not understand why as her family wouldn't understand. I became very self- conscience (wrongly) about relaying all my ideas to her because she thought they all were wrong and changed a LOT behind my back...I felt pretty hurt, but heck, its over now I've moved on, happily married..yay. Well last night in a conversation (fight) with FSIL I learned that I had completely offended his family. Let me explain....
Chapter one : The food
I am a vegetarian as a result of my beliefs. I completely accept that this is not everyone's cup of tea, but its my thing and I am STRONGLY against the "needless" killing of animals for glutony. Hey I'm a hippy just roll with it. I felt uncomfortable paying for and serving meat at my wedding. The food we served however was yummy and got completely gobbled up with several friends trying to get the caterer to let them take some home. I was told afterwards by MANY guests how great it was that they thought it was great that I stuck to my guns and how surprized they were that the food was so delish! I felt good. And hey...its just food.
DH's family were apparently OFFENDED that I didn't consider THEIR "beliefs" and serve them at least some chicken. MIL was even crying about it. i should have been more considerate considering they HAD to travel to attend and the entire wedding was ruined in their eyes. Nice to hear, thanks.
Chapter 2 : Family involvement
Two days before my wedding, my elderly father suffered a heart attack and stroke. We were told that with almost certainty he would die within days. (He's fine now actually in case you're wondering!!) That + wedding= emotional overload. So going back to FIL taking over, this included his entire family in my family's house, invited themselves for dinner (and complaining about our unsophisticated dinner serving style) and styling the entire wedding. They are offended because my organizational skills were not good and the wedding I was planning was not up to their standard and needed to be changed. I was told that apparently its because I'm just not a "party planner" like they are and really did need their help...I should be more grateful. Patronizing you think?? A kick in the face to me when you consider that I am a wedding vendor for a living as well as an executive administrator who is now a theater producer....oh well. I suck I guess. I tried to say that, you know what, It's MY and DH's wedding and we can host it the way we please. Her response was that it was pretty audacious to say it was MY wedding and that it was actually THEIR FAMILY's wedding and they expect a certain standard of things that if I was not going to deliver then they were completely entitled to step in and fix it! I wish I was exagerating, but these were exact words!
Their standard involved buying three times as much booze as we had anticipated, getting sloppy drunk (including MIL who was just disgusting even by my standards) and vomiting all over my family's garden. Classy!
Chapter 3 : Bridesmaids
"I'm sorry, but you're bridesmaids really let you down, the whole family thinks so. We're all pretty pissed about how incompetent they were."
My best friends since i was 5. I'll just leave that with you and you can let me know what you all think of that.
So, I'm told that the entire family now thinks I'm "DH's crazy wife" and if I involve myself more with their family events I have a chance of getting back into their good books if I'm "lucky". Oh good, thank god for that!!
Me and him..August 4, 2007
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 9/30/2008 12:08:22 PM
Posts: 128,
Visits: 686
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Oh, one more thing.
I also offended them by yelling at several of his family members.
My defence....it was 5 mins before my wedding, i was trying to get ready, a bit stressed and despite strict orders not to there were up to 15 people I had never met hanging about in my kitchen. And I didn't yell.
Me and him..August 4, 2007
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 10:32:43 AM
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| oh honey...i hate to tell you but they'll be backstabbing your wedding until the day you die! i'm STILL hearing about the seating chart (which i hold no responsibility for - i made dh do them because my family is INSANE!) AND when i was planning my wedding everyone started talking about all the things they hated about everyone elses weddings from like the last 20 years! don't sweat it...if it's something that bugged you personally then stand up for yourself (like the vegetarian thing - i think that's great you stuck to your prinicples! i'm a carnivore but i can't eat veal - it's just too far up the cruelty chart for my liking and there's no way i would have served it!) but if it's just chatter - ignore it!
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 9/30/2008 12:08:22 PM
Posts: 128,
Visits: 686
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I think it was the fact that it wasn't just chatter but the fact that people were hurt and very seriously offended (by the lack of chicken). I don't even know what to say about that!
Me and him..August 4, 2007
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: Today @ 10:31:38 AM
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They are stupid and honestly I think they will never change, so laugh at their idiocy.
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If you don't like it. Don't look at it.
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 9/30/2008 12:08:22 PM
Posts: 128,
Visits: 686
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I just always thought that:
1. The control that someone is allowed to have in the wedding planning is in direct relation to the amount of financial investment to the wedding. (in their case NONE)
2. If you don't like something about somebody else's wedding, keep it to yourself, its their wedding. Be appreciative that you were thought about enough to be invited at all and appreciate the effort the couple made for their guest even if it isnt perfect. Don't "expect" to be invited and furthermore "expect" a certain amount of meat and booze which is to your liking.
Am I wrong???????
Me and him..August 4, 2007
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Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 11/29/2008 9:21:44 PM
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If there is one thing I have learned while planning my wedding, it is that there is no possible way to please everyone. There will always be people who complain just because they can. I am a carnvore myself, but I would be respectful if I went to a wedding where they chose not to serve meat. I may leave hungry since I don't eat a lot of different veggies, but it would not have ruined everything for me.  It sounds to me like they are saying these things just to hurt you. You said you and DH were happy with the way the day went. So stay that way. Like others said, just ignore them. The wedding is over. They should move on in my opinion. You had the speacil day YOU wanted. Forget their concerns and remember it that way.
~November 1st, 2008: I married my high school sweetheart and best friend! ~
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