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Beginner Planner
 
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Last Login: Yesterday @ 12:34:17 PM
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| I just need to vet a bit about my father. He and I have always been really close (I've been "Daddy's Little Girl" since I was born), but it seems my wedding has done nothing but strain our relationship. We both have different ideas about what my wedding should be. He comes from a very traditional European background (He is Ukranian and my stepmom is Italian). We have fought about EVERY SINGLE aspect of the wedding, and most of our converstations have either ended with me in tears or hanging up on him. The other day he crossed a line. He told me my guest list needed to be larger, and I said FH and I cannot afford to invite any more people. He told me I was looking at things all wrong and that I should be inviting people based on how much money they would put in the cards. He said that my wedding is like "a business transaction". You write the guestlist based on how much people will pay. WHAT THE HELL??? I lost it on him. I could care less about gifts. That is not why I am having a wedding. I have a lot of family and friends who are struggling financially (really, isn't everyone nowadays?) and I would not EXPECT anything from them except to show up and enjoy the night. I'm not having a wedding to make money. I'm having a wedding to share FH's and I's love with family and friends. And now matter how I tried to explain this to my faither, he said I was wrong. He then said he had no idea why I was so upset. Hence, convo ending with hanging up the phone on him. Oh, and to add to things, he has said many times that he honestly thinks the wedding won't happen because FH and I have a history of not following through on things. WHAT??? This is a wedding. It is completely different from anything else that ever came before that. We have booked everything. We have been together 11 years! I'm trying to figure out how he can say it is not going to happen... I called my mom and she is totally reasonable and logical and said he was just being an idiot and that was how he was raised. She said he treated their wedding the same way. But she said I had every right to be hurt by his comments. At this rate, if dad keeps this up, I'm not even sure I want HIM there. Anyway, I just needed to vent. Not really asking for anything other than maybe a smile or a hug. Thanks for listening ladies.
~November 1st, 2008: I marry my high school sweetheart and best friend! ~
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Beginner Planner
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Last Login: Yesterday @ 4:35:15 PM
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| I feel for you! I hope things don't get worse between you and your dad! It seems that planning a wedding always brings out the worse in people at times! Hang in there, and remember its about you and your FH, no one else!!!!
Live, Laugh, Love, But always Dream.....
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Planning Guru
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I agree. Do you have to involve your dad in the planning? Is he paying for anything? if you don't have too involve your dad, DON'T!!! to save your sanity!!! Honestly, this is just me...i tend to be mean sometimes  , I would tell your dad to fock off!! This day is about you and your FH not his "business transaction", those may be his feeling towards wedding but not yours. If he doesn't like it he can then go fock himself sideways. Stand up for yourself and at least you have your mom on your side!!
~Adrienne~
Finally got hitched September 2, 2007
I have flying monkeys and I'm not afraid to use them!!!! 
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Loving Planning!
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Unfortunately Samcat, being European myself, I know many people like that. It's all about the money. Thank God, FH and I are nothing like that and I am with you, I don't expect anything from them except their presence. I am so sorry you are going through all this with your dad. It's an extremely stressful and emotional time for everyone. Please don't tell your dad to "f--k off" like the other PP said. Try to grin and bear it and when it's all said and done, your father will be extremely proud of you and your decisions.
Marrying The Love Of My Life - September 12, 2008!!!
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Master Planner
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Sooo sorry to hear you are going through it......parents sometimes just dont get it....mine is acting strange cause i want to buy a house and he doesnt understand why im choosing milton....him: why not buy a place in the city...me: uhmmm..cause i cant afford it.....him: but all the time you are commuting isnt it more stressful? me: not really..im used to commuting..and...laying awake at night not being able to pay my mortgage is MORE stressful.....him: but the wear and tear on your car and cant you put what its gonna cost you to commute onto your mortgage...me: sorry....the extra 100 bucks Still ONLY GETS ME A SHACK in etobicoke....it goes around and around..he just doesnt understand...so i just say...yup...yup...ok.....and ill show him the house in MILTON...when we buy it!! hahahaaha.... Parents get a little nuts sometimes..........dont worry...november is FAST approaching.....and really..with SUCH a fantastic date.....how can ANYTHING go wrong??? hahahahaha
Chulie~Countdown to November 1,st 2008~
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Supreme Being Planner
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Last Login: Today @ 1:14:51 AM
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| First of all ***HUGS*** sorry your father is being that way. I think the best thing may be to take a step back, and not bring up anything wedding related with him anymore. That way, you can avoid the situation. Hopefully once your wedding is over and you and your FH are happily married, you can have a better relationship with your father.
August 23, 2008 Saying "I do" under the cheap showiness of nature
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Beginner Planner
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aotter (4/22/2008)
I agree. Do you have to involve your dad in the planning? Is he paying for anything? That is what is so funny about the whole thing. He says he wants to help, but that he doesn't want to "throw his money away if the wedding doesn't happen." I have told him right out that it is fine if he doesn't want to help out financially (FH and I can make it work), but that it means doing things OUR way (ie: not inviting people just because they may throw money our way) and he flipped out on me. And I have tried to keep my distance and not bring it up, but then he does something like email my mom and tell her that she better give me $5000 towards the wedding and she calls me up saying, "do you expect me to give you that much for the wedding? I just can't do it." And, of course, I never said any of that. My mom bought my dress (which was a huge surprise!) and has helped out with lots of other things here and there. I am not expecting anything of her. Grrr...my dad is being such a troublemaker and I don't get it!  It also just hurts because my dad used to be the one to talk me down when I was having problems and the one I wanted to talk to about everything. I was counting down forever for our daddy/daughter dance, and it makes me so sad that he is making everything so difficult. I also realized I spelt FATHER wrong in my title. And I have a B.A. in English! Duh!!! I guess I blame it on my dad for making me crazy!
~November 1st, 2008: I marry my high school sweetheart and best friend! ~
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