So the story goes, my mum and dad are paying for my wedding since my fiancee and I are so broke... I really really appreciate it and I love my parents soooo much. But here's the kicker my mum keeps telling how it's my wedding and I should do what makes me happy as long as it's within budget. But everything I've ever brought up she has shot down because "she's paying for it".
Now maybe I'm being unreasonable but this stuff is also causing stress between my fiancee and I cause he can see how upset I'm getting and I can't seem to stand up to her without falling to pieces and becoming an emotional reck.
Here are some of the things that mean alot to me that have been ixnaid(sp?) by my mother.
1. Found out the other day that the hair salon I want my hair done can only do 4 ppls hair because my hairstylist little girl is extremely sick and she can't be there. Well My mum decided that Me, Her, my cousin (who's in the wedding party) and my aunt are getting our hair there and that the rest of my bridal party will have to figure something else out. Well I mentioned that since my hairstylist probably won't be doing my hair thta I'd go with the rest of the party to get my hair done with them. Cause that's the way I wanted things, you know all of us together that way there's no panicing because someone got side tracked. Well Hell no she's paying so I'm going to her salon and that's the end of the story. Fine I can deal with this it's really not THAT big a deal. Also going with this whole hair thing, I have looked through magazines for hair styles and found a couple that I really like but of course she has decided that she doesn't like some therefor it's not going to happen so I might not even be able to get the look I'm look for........ because again if she doesn't like it she just overwrites me.
Then I mention that I want the girls to spend the night at her place with me so we're all together (even though we're not getting our hair done all together). Well my mum freaks out about that saying that there's no way that's happening cause I need to be in bed early and it's just added stress and everyone She's talked to says it's not a good idea. I've tried to explain to her that it's actually going to cause ME more stress having them scattered everywhere but she just doesn't seem to care. It's her way or no way (but remember this is my day and whatever makes Me happy right??)
She also keeps insisting the the photo's between my FH and I should be done in her back yard because of the woods and the fact that Yes they'd make some really cool photos. BUT it's like 15min outta town and we're already stretched for time so I want something closer. I think I may win this one....
The other day FH and I sat down to make up an itinerary for the reception, of course I sent her a copy so she wouldn't just go off on her own and make one on me. Well she's already trying to change things on us. We want to do an entrance (you know have the guests all seated then introduce the wedding party couple and a time then us) well she doesn't want that because of the receiving line, saying that's where everyone will be introduced. I don't like that idea, and again I'll probably win this one but it's just an aurgument I don't need.
So ya there's a few things that really don't even have to do with money but that if it's not her way then she just seems to plow me over not really giving a damned that these things will make my day more enjoyable to me. I have a vision of how I want things, and I'm not unflexable but i'd just like to have something go how I want it...... Anyway go through this and if so any idea's?????

Getting married to the Love of my life. June 28 2008.

mpagechall, your post makes me so sad. I can't even imagine having a wedding where my partner and I didn't get final say in all planning. We're paying for our wedding so I guess that makes it easier -- but still -- the gift of paying for your wedding shouldn't come with so many strings (Is your mom religious by chance? I think there's a bible verse somewhere about giving without strings attached).

If she's paying for your wedding she certainly should have some say (i.e. the venue, number of guests, etc.) but how your hair is styled and where you get your picture taken?! That's intense. Would you feel comfortable writing a very respectful letter to your mom explaining how you are feeling? You could let her know how much you appreciate the very generous gift she is giving you while also reminding her that your wedding is a symbol of your new independent life with your FH and that you are feeling left out of the decision making process. You could post the letter here for opinions before sending it.  Maybe you can sit down with a list of the things you both want and try to come up with a compromise.   

Anyway, good luck with it! I hope in 10 years from now you can look back on your wedding with happy memories!

"I know there is strength in the differences between us and I know there is comfort where we overlap."

I don't think it's fair that just because your parents are paying for the wedding that things have to be done their way, or rather your mom's way. It's not HER wedding. She can have her input into things, but you should have the final say. She shouldn't hold the fact that they're paying for the wedding over your head.

My parents are also helping out with the wedding, and have so far said no to the two venues that FH and I really liked. However, we can see their point of view and are willing to look at others. We haven't had any problems with anything else yet as that's all we have planned. But I can see how it would be hard to not go along with what the parents want because they are paying for the wedding.

Engaged: January 3, 2008

The Big Day: May 23, 2010

Α καί Ω – Bliss

November 15, 2008