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fascha (4/11/2006)
I calculate that we will lose about 20K on our wedding, because we wanted to do everything top notch... and we did! That's more than MOST people's budgets! You calculate that you will LOSE about 20K on your wedding? Like it's an investment that went sour and you lost money on it? I don't get it. If you are planning a big wedding with expensive components, don't you just expect it to cost money? I am not Italian, so maybe I am missing the boat on this one, but why would you plan a wedding expecting it to not cost you money? Obviously people will give you gifts, but if you are planning a wedding... isn't the point ot get married... not to make money?
You can tell more about a person by what she says about others than you can by what others say about her. - Unknown
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| Um, focusing on the issue at hand... Yes, this is turing out to be a costly schedule of events for you both. My advice: Consider your "engagement" gift as the wedding gift, bring a card, and enjoy their wedding. You don't need to give more then you already have.
Mrs. AlanaBanana Alana & Erik ...the perfect pair! December 30th, 2006
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mrshippo (4/11/2006)
fascha (4/11/2006)
I calculate that we will lose about 20K on our wedding, because we wanted to do everything top notch... and we did! That's more than MOST people's budgets! You calculate that you will LOSE about 20K on your wedding? Like it's an investment that went sour and you lost money on it? I don't get it. If you are planning a big wedding with expensive components, don't you just expect it to cost money? I am not Italian, so maybe I am missing the boat on this one, but why would you plan a wedding expecting it to not cost you money? Obviously people will give you gifts, but if you are planning a wedding... isn't the point ot get married... not to make money? Maybe substitute the word "lose" with the word "spend," and it won't sound like Fascha is playing the stock-market.
Mrs. AlanaBanana Alana & Erik ...the perfect pair! December 30th, 2006
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igottajlo (4/11/2006)
Ok I can see your point that you've already spent SOOO much money why should you give MORE? But, you could have said, "I'm very sorry, but I have a very important prior committment and can't attend." And send a card with a family member. No one forced you to go and give $150. My philosophy with cash gifts if give what you can afford. If $100 is really all you can afford, do so. If you can afford $1,000, do so. ***I'm not saying that you SHOULD give a large gift, but if you can afford $1K it's different than someone who can't!*** ...For my cousin's wedding, FH and I gave her $100. I would have loved to gave her more, but it was all we could afford. We still went to her stag and doe and spent about $50. I was a student at the time. We were living off FH's income alone. Which yes, it was tight, but we gave what we could. Is it greedy? Perhaps. But it's their culture to do so. (I don't mean be greedy, I mean to have money showers and large engagement parties). So who are you to be saying they are greedy? Give what you can. If they don't like it, they are the bad people, not you. But by calling them greedy, you're making yourself sound bad ... What you don't seem to understand is the fact that if you DON'T give a generous gift.... it does not reflect well on your part by the family. Please keep in mind that this is not some long lost friend of relative... this is my FH's immediate cousin. If he/we don't provide a generous gift, it is very much "frowned upon".... and everyone knows that. And neither of us is poor, but we're not rich either... we both have full time jobs and his cousin knows that........ it's just that there comes a point where the line must be drawn and we're tired of constantly dipping into our pockets in order throw more money their way. There is no option to give NO gift at all........ that's just not how things are done in any Italian/Portuguese/Greek/etc. etc. wedding. And there's no way to say "Nope, we're not going to the wedding" due to the fact that she is an immediate cousin. And excuse me.... but I am not making myself "sound bad" by calling them greedy.... they are greedy! The only reason why they are holding so many of these functions is to make as much money as possible. They are greedy because they are trying to profit from their marriage, and there is no doubt about that. There is more to the story too... in terms of ways that the bride has been "cutting corners" at the functions in order to save on expenses.... to maximize her profit.... TRUST ME.
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[b]mrshippo You calculate that you will LOSE about 20K on your wedding? Like it's an investment that went sour and you lost money on it? I don't get it.
You would hae to ber pretty naive to think that no one will bring you a gift on your wedding day, so please don't pretend you "don't get it" because you do If you are planning a big wedding with expensive components, don't you just expect it to cost money? Of course I do, which is why I told you I expect to lose that money, if it's spent, it's lost! I am not Italian, so maybe I am missing the boat on this one, but why would you plan a wedding expecting it to not cost you money? Did I mention I was looking for a free wedding? I simply stated that I KNEW that it would end up costing me 20K to have the wedding I wanted! Obviously people will give you gifts, but if you are planning a wedding... isn't the point ot get married... not to make money? If I wanted to make money on my wedding I would have had it at a cheap venue and booked cheaper vendors, I do NOT, under ANY circumstances expect to "make money" on my wedding .
www.amandaandvince.com
support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
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icywedding (4/11/2006) ...if you DON'T give a generous gift.... it does not reflect well on your part by the family... If he/we don't provide a generous gift, it is very much "frowned upon".... and everyone knows that. Sadly, this type of politics exhists in my family, too. Icy - you could save yourself some dough on a wedding gift by buying a gift rather than giving cash. Buy an original piece of art for $75-ish... who's to say it didn't cost you $300? Best of luck.
Mrs. AlanaBanana Alana & Erik ...the perfect pair! December 30th, 2006
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