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Group: Forum Members
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peach125 (4/12/2006)
I would never call one of these eight couples greedy. They are doing what is done in our culture. I know when I hear someone close to me got engaged, $500 is going to them over their engagement, it's just how it works! I feel badly because it is evident that you were unaware of these costly events, and perhaps if you knew going forward you would have declined an invite or two, but I don't see them as being greedy necessarily. For you to not give them a gift for their wedding sounds like you want to get your 'money's worth' thus far, and I think that's a shame. No one put a gun to your head to go to ANY of these functions, nor to spend what you did. A wedding gift should be given from the heart not based on 'paying the plate' but a wedding GUEST should also come with an open heart. If you don't feel particularly generous or kind towards the couple that day, stay home. I said it before and I am going to stay it AGAIN...... it's not a matter of "choice" if we go to these events ---- we HAVE TO GO as this is his immediate cousin. There is no option to "give less" ---- it is frowned upon by the family and would cause huge conflict. My beef is the fact that this girl is having all of these events paid for by her MIL, and then requesting cash gifts in return..... which is for her to MAKE MONEY. Bottom line! This is not a hard concept to understand. It's easy for you to sit back and say, "just don't go if you feel that way then" -- but if you don't come from this type of family, you have no idea of the ramifications it would cause if we DIDN'T GO. The way I feel is mainly: a) she should not have had such a ridiculous engagement party at a banquet hall and invited over 200 guests.... it was EXACTLY like a wedding and there was no need for it. b) she should not have requested a "money shower", rather let people bring whatever types of gifts that they wanted --- another sign that she just wants more money. c) the stag should have been much less expensive and the guests should not have been made to pay THAT MUCH for the event... another cash grab. Sheesh...... why is it SO HARD for some of you to believe that there are actually women/men out there who do see their wedding as a CASH GRAB???? Not everyone out there is "innocent" and is just following tradition.... and to think that way is very naive. I've been to MANY weddings in my day, and I can tell you from experience that this couple is out to make a nice fat profit from their marriage... no doubt about it. I'm not saying that this is true for every couple out there.... but in this situation, and due to the circumstances, these 2 certainly are. End of story!
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Group: Forum Members
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So, who died and made you Wedding Goddess, sitting there and judging what she should have and should not have done???
Every Bride and Groom makes choices regarding their wedding celebration, and those choices are not going to please 200-plus people. They are doing what they want for them and rightfully so, just as I am sure you are making choices for yourself that a few of your guests may question. Unless you've done a survey of all 200 people and developed a concensus that this couple is on another planet, just let it be. They are doing what they want, and you will do what you want. I was merely pointing out that their 'costs' are not entirely unheard of, despite how it may seem to you. And yes, I can appreciate the whole 'not being able to say no' bit but you are an adult not a child who is going to stop their feet about it...I'm sure you could find a tactful way out of it if that is the route you chose. If not, grin and bear it. You wouldn't want a disgruntled guest coming to your wedding with a chip on their shoulder, would you?
________________________________ Mrs. Peach! Happily Married since August 19, 2006!
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Group: Forum Members
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peach125 (4/12/2006)
So, who died and made you Wedding Goddess, sitting there and judging what she should have and should not have done??? Every Bride and Groom makes choices regarding their wedding celebration, and those choices are not going to please 200-plus people. They are doing what they want for them and rightfully so, just as I am sure you are making choices for yourself that a few of your guests may question. Unless you've done a survey of all 200 people and developed a concensus that this couple is on another planet, just let it be. They are doing what they want, and you will do what you want. I was merely pointing out that their 'costs' are not entirely unheard of, despite how it may seem to you. And yes, I can appreciate the whole 'not being able to say no' bit but you are an adult not a child who is going to stop their feet about it...I'm sure you could find a tactful way out of it if that is the route you chose. If not, grin and bear it. You wouldn't want a disgruntled guest coming to your wedding with a chip on their shoulder, would you? No... but I suppose you are the Wedding Goddess who can decide when a bride is being Greedy, and when what they are doing is Normal? If you read most of the replies on this topic, you will see that most people also agree that what she is doing is a little bit "over the top". This argument will just keep going around in circles.... which is why I have deleted it now. Come to think of it, without people knowing the exact circumstances surrounding the event and this couple, I shouldn't have posted anything because it's impossible for people to understand where I am coming from. If you knew HER (the bride), you'd know where I was coming from!! Can you say, Bridezilla?? lol. There are just too many details and too many circumstances that are leading up to why I feel this way about the whole thing. I can't post up all the details........ so we'll leave it at that. I posted it right after the stag and when I was quite upset about the adding costs of these functions, but there is much more to it.
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Group: Forum Members
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holy sh*t.. people... jebus.
Jules 
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Group: Forum Members
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I know, Jules... now you see how I get all my posts... 
www.amandaandvince.com
support bacteria - it's the only culture some people have!
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Group: Moderators
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peach125 (4/12/2006)
I went to 8 weddings last year and this is the sum total of what we spent: -shower gift $100 -stag $100 (65 for the stag ticket and 35 on random games and raffles) -wedding $250 at least, more if it was someone with whom we had a closer relationship. For a couple of those weddings, add an engagement gift OR flowers delivered to the house (b/c I like to do something either way) if they weren't having a get-together for the engagement, plus the cost of stagettes/batchelor parties. I would never call one of these eight couples greedy. They are doing what is done in our culture. I know when I hear someone close to me got engaged, $500 is going to them over their engagement, it's just how it works! I feel badly because it is evident that you were unaware of these costly events, and perhaps if you knew going forward you would have declined an invite or two, but I don't see them as being greedy necessarily. For you to not give them a gift for their wedding sounds like you want to get your 'money's worth' thus far, and I think that's a shame. No one put a gun to your head to go to ANY of these functions, nor to spend what you did. A wedding gift should be given from the heart not based on 'paying the plate' but a wedding GUEST should also come with an open heart. If you don't feel particularly generous or kind towards the couple that day, stay home. Good point!!
MrsMtobe ~Live and let live ~ Mod Squad Moderator The heart of a mother is a deep abyss at the bottom of which you will always find forgiveness.
 Mrs. M and loving it!!!
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